My Problem With Online Dating, and Where I Meet Men Instead

I don’t do online dating anymore. I’ve tried. Several times. I’ve done the free sites, the pay sites, the ones that are supposed to be hip and up-and-coming. And I have the same result every time: I waste far too much time sorting through ads and the duds, then communicating with people that have potential and laboring over sounding witty by email, then the phone call to “get to know each other”, then finally meeting in person only to learn…there is no spark.

You know what I’m talking about, right? It’s not just physical attractiveness, that’s not everything. For me, it’s that excitement of seeing someone and thinking “You! I want to get to know you!” It’s the natural flow of conversation, the kind that pops with excitement.

I prefer to be out in public to sort through people, and talk to the ones that strike my interest. I am sometimes surprised by people that approach me, and I’ll talk to just about anyone. I salute the guy with the balls to approach a woman he doesn’t know and start talking.

So I get asked often where do I meet men? I made a list. And I realized that the stories connected to each of these is almost as unique as the places and the people I met, but I will save that for future posts.

HOW do I meet men, is usually the follow up question. I get out of my own way, smile, and usually lead with a question or a comment on our surroundings (but NEVER start with a complaint, it’s a downer). I tend to get a little stuck in my head, I want to say the perfect thing or I think that he should approach me. But then I just say hello. If he isn’t interested, I move on to someone else. Even if it’s making a new girl friend, she usually likes hearing my story and we can move into girl talk. If he rejects me, then I didn’t lose anything and I probably made his day. I stop looking at the risk, and think “At least this will be an interesting story later!”

Here is my list of places, not complete:

• Swing dancing
• The waiting room of my tax advisor’s office
• A neighborhood block party (not my neighborhood, actually)
• The running store
• Sea shanty night at a bar
• A fundraising gala
• My roommate’s boyfriend’s roommate (say that three times fast)
• Shuffleboard table at the bar
• A community Race Car Derby
• Singles Mixer
• A wedding
• Playing wing woman for a friend (whoops, I scored, she didn’t)
• Starbucks
• Volunteering at my local radio station
• A free concert
• Introduced by my client to her son
• A bachelorette party (no, not the stripper)

Lucky for me my cousin had many single guy friends at her wedding. Thank you, Stephanie!

These are the places I’ve been told are “great for meeting men.” I call bullshit. I’ve  never had any luck at these places:

• Farmers Markets
• Whole Foods, Trader Joes or any grocery store really
• Home Depot or any hardware store
• The bar (gag, I have met plenty of men there, but I wouldn’t really brag about most of them!)
• Bookstores
• Computer stores or anything having to do with computers
• Sporting events

My point is that there are so many places to meet people. I sometimes get trapped in the story that it is hard to meet people. But then, I go out and put a little effort to make sure I look put together and approachable, and I smile. I live in Baltimore, a city that can be friendly so maybe I have that as an advantage over some places. But I still believe that people look out for each other and you can at least start a conversation just about anywhere.

No, we did not meet at the Porta-Potties. Just the music festival. Close enough. But you literally CAN meet men anywhere!