Stop Asking, No We Cannot Just Be Friends

Has anyone else had the experience where it feels like every guy that comes along “just wants to be friends?”

I get it, I understand. I’m not really attracted to you either, even though we do have quite a bit in common. But I am at capacity, I cannot fit one more male friend into my lineup, thankyouverymuch.

Cindy  Chupack was a writer for Sex and the City, among many publications, movies and other TV shows, had this experience and called in the Male Friend Moratorium. Which makes me think that is just the place we send male friendships to die? Or is that just me and my own morbidity combined with frustration?

Lately I keep meeting men that I really don’t have an interest in dating, and they don’t really have an interest in me. Or at least I’m not picking up on the signals that they’re interested. They are either gay, or right out of a relationship, or are older and look at me like a little sister, or they look to me for fitness tips and advice.

Sure, we get along and have fun together. But I already have my great guy friends covered. I have the gay guy friend, the best guy friend, the guy friend in a long term relationship, the older father figure guy friend, the guy friend I call to go to concerts with. My dance card is full, I have no more room for guy friends.

And yet I don’t know what to do with these great, nice guys. Do I keep them around and hang out with them in case things change and we suddenly like each other? Do I keep them around with the assumption that you can never have too many friends? It feels wasteful to throw them to the curb. I don’t have any other single friends looking to get set-up. (Oh, that’s a sad realization)

So where do I fit these guys in? My social calendar is already full, and I already drink more often than I’d like. These guys all want to go out and drink. Really? Can we go workout or even grab coffee instead? I already drink more often than I would like, which in the scheme of things isn’t that often. But I’m a little competitive and I try to keep pace with my drinking partner. Not good when it’s a guy.

I don’t enjoy saying No I don’t want to be your friend. That seems so mean. And not true. I’m just busy, and no I’m not playing “hard to get.”  And what if one of my guy friends drop out or move away? Wouldn’t it be easier to replace him if I had someone on the bench that knows me socially and seems like a good fit to move up?

I am stuck. If you have any good ideas what to do with this excess of men, let me know. I would happily send them your way if you lived near me, or if they figure out a clever way to FedEx men.


5 Friends Every Single Gal Needs

Our friends are what get us through the toughest of times and also are the ones that are by your side laughing until you practically pee your pants. When you’re single you realize how vitally important these friends are. Your friends become your family, and there are certain people that make the ride even better. Here’s my list of the friends a gal needs to keep sane, keep having fun, and living life to the fullest.

1. The wiser friend that has already been there and done that. It may be a parent, it may be on older friend who has already seen the many ups and downs in life. Sometimes, it helps to have someone that can put it all in perspective. They can give you hope that where you are today is only temporary. Maybe your life will be full of adventure if you always remain single. Maybe you will find love when you least expect it. They tell it as it is, and show you honestly what their life was like, and maybe you can learn from it.

2. The friend that is up for anything, whether it is going for a wild happy hour to pick up men or to make a spontaneous road trip to Atlantic City just for kicks. This gals keeps you on your toes! Be ready for anything, and maybe be prepared with lip gloss and your contact case in your car, just in case it becomes a wild night.

3. The kind, patient friend that will listen and give advice without judgement. This buddy is the one you call first when you’re heart broken and you just need a shoulder to cry on. She is always sweet, and only gives advice when asked. She tells you what you need to hear, whether it’s a speech to make you feel better, trash talking the bastard that broke your heart, or just a quiet smile while handing you chocolate.

4. A platonic make friend. Maybe he’s straight but you have no interest in romantically or maybe it’s your gay best friend. But the make perspective is necessary. He sets you straight when you’re spinning like crazy, and shakes your senses back. Besides, sometimes the only way to understand men is to ask a man. Might as well have someone on your side.

5. The unexpected friend. It’s that person in your life that either brings out an unexpected side in you or they encourage the side that you are afraid to show other people. They are understanding and maybe just as weird as you are. They feel safe, but not in a boring way. You can trust this person. It also let’s you escape when you’re feeling blue and bummed, you can retreat into a place that feels fun.

My friends get me through think and in, and I am really lucky to have a diverse group of awesome people to stand by my side. Friends are incredibly important, otherwise there wouldn’t be so many quotes, poems and stories about the power of friendship. Thank you to all my friends that support me through it all!

Rosalind Russell: A Role Model for Single Women

I know a lot of people look up to Audrey Hepburn as a model for class, grace, and beauty. And she completely nails it. But another woman also nails it for me And that is Rosalind Russell.

I stumbled across a quote from her today.

“Taking joy in living is a woman’s best cosmetic.”

Can I get a Hallelujah?

Is there anything sexier than a woman that is really joyful? A woman that is enjoying life to the fullest and doesn’t care what anyone else thinks.

In her career, she sought out roles that would take her away from the stereotype of being a “lady” in the 30s and 40s. This lady type of character was either see a s just a prim and proper woman that was well-dressed or as the character that would be “no-good” for the make hero of the story.

Her pathway asnt easy for a long time, she struggled to get the image she wanted and recognition and support from her studio. She was tired of being a “clothes horse” and seen as just beautiful while being overlooked for all her other abilities.

Things changed after a lot of perseverance and one of her breakout roles was in His Gal Friday opposite Cary Grant. She was fast-talking, quick-witted, and a smart career woman. She was recognized for keeping up with Cary Grant. She went on to play other strong woman roles like Auntie Mame and Rose in Gypsy.

What a powerhouse.

not only did she have a career that she worked extremely hard for, but she stood for something other than looks for women.

I think it is such a lovely, simple reminder to infuse your life with joy. The road isn’t always easy, you won’t always get what you want and people may not like what you have to say (or want to hear what you have to say) but to always live with joy.

Joy will light up your face and your soul. It is that simple.

Happy Hump Day: Guilty Pleasure Pop Culture Moments

Sometimes you need an escape. Some place safe you can retreat to that won’t get you upset. Instead, it will hopefully lift your spirits or at least take your mind off your woes.

I’ve been reflecting on movies and music a lot this week. Maybe because it’s the end of the year and it’s a time to reflect. Maybe because I’ve been surrounded with so much music and movies because of the holidays. Maybe because I’ve been extra busy and a little more stressed. Maybe because I’m a glutton for punishment I opened up my journal and read some entries from while I was dating the last guy.

Today I was thinking about how I escape into some pretty awful guilty pleasure pop culture.

Sometimes a fluffy pop culture movie is more than what it seems at first glance. Here are some of my examples of pop culture moments that I am embarrassed to admit, but they cheer me up and make me feel better.

  1. Anything I have already listened to a million times- old John Mayer or Jason Mraz (their first albums) because I’ve heard it so many times I don’t think about it anymore. I just belt out the familiar lyrics and I stop thinking.
  2. Katy Perry’s music is bubble gum pop. It’s the definition of pop for crying out loud. But she has written some empowering music, whether it was to help her deal with her divorce or whether it was to lighten the load for the rest of us. Whatever, I love this video, it makes me smile.
  3.  Taylor Swift. Please don’t judge me enjoying these two pop princesses, I don’t have their albums and their music is not on a heavy rotation cycle in my iTunes. I love what they stand for.  I love that Taylor Swift is just a girl that worked her butt off, and she fearlessly puts her whole self out there. She’s freakin’ sassy, silly and fun. I enjoy her more in interviews and a handful of her radio hits (and their spoofs). Not so much for listening to the whole album straight through. Ditto for Beyonce.
  4. The sexiness of the men of True Blood will always make me feel better. Ditto for Magic Mike, The Tudors and anything with Ryan Gosling.
  5. Hand me a magazine. Any magazine. I am in heaven for twenty minutes. My mind takes a breather. I had sworn off Cosmo and other magazines like that years ago, but surprisingly I still want to flip through them every once in a while. Then I am reminded why I despise them in the first place.
  6. Friends With Benefits with Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake is a pretty awesome movie. It cheers me up and makes me laugh, and I think it’s everyone’s fantasy that their friend with benefits would be one of these two actors. Not only are they easy on the eyes — clothed or unclothed — but they are funny and relatable.
  7. Tina Fey. I am a little late to the game, but I just finished Bossypants and I loved it. I started re-watching 30 Rock so that I can keep laughing through some of the tough memories that I will share with you later this week. I love her self-deprecating humor, I love her improv background (I did a lot of improv myself, and loved it), I love the way she sneaks in her witty comments and snarky comments.
  8. Garfunkel and Oates!! Not quite pop, but they are hysterical and will make me laugh. Ah, it feels good to relate to snarky single women in their thirties. Someone else knows what I’m going through and is cracking me up over how sad it all feels sometimes.

I am sure my list could go on for pages and pages. Sometimes the mind just needs a breather. What are your guilty pleasures? Don’t be afraid, I won’t judge! Share in the comments below.