It’s easy to talk tough. It’s even easier to mope, feel sorry for yourself.
The hard part? Rising above it.
Rising above it means pushing aside the bullshit and the pettiness. It means there is something more, something deeper than the superficial, on-the-surface appearance of things.
I’m a Cancer astrologically, but more than that I know that I take things to heart. I deeply feel my emotions. I should stress the word deeply. I fall in love deeply, and I take my heartaches like the deepest of wounds.
Sometimes I find that it is most important to remember that whatever is happening right now is just a blip on the screen of life.
Lately my trick to rise above it is to ask myself if this will be important 5 minutes, 5 weeks and 5 years from now. That’s a small trick that puts things into perspective quickly.
However, it doesn’t always work in my favor. Sometimes I play that little mind trick, and I say it won’t matter so I act on my impulse. Because it won’t matter in 5 weeks or years. But the part that the trick leaves out is that GAO of time between 5 minutes and 5 weeks.
For me, if I have gotten into an emotional state, good or bad, my mind is stuck like a broken record. I keep playing it over in my head again and again up until the point when I don’t. At some point in the future it just stops, not because I’ve done anything but because it just does.
And that’s where I am today. Stuck on repeat, wondering what I can do to set things straight. The One That Got Away contacted me, wanted to tell me he’s been thinking of me and wanted to get together. It didn’t happen. It hasn’t been rescheduled.
I know the logical thing to do is to forget him. His actions say he doesn’t want to see me. But the pull of what we once had is so strong even after it’s been so long. Even after I’ve dated other guys.
I guess I’m a hopeless romantic. Or just hopeless?
So I’m working on practicing rising above. But I’d much rather take the easy route and call him, or jump into bed with some guy to take it off my mind. Instead, I write, I try to learn, I meditate and reflect.
I can’t say it’s easy. I can’t even tell you how it all turns out.
i’ll keep you posted, though.
And for the sake of keeping you posted? That guy I was going to ask out? He just proposed to his girlfriend of five years. Oh well!
i apologize for any typos, I’m on my iPad and will correct them once I am home.