I also thought about calling this post “When It Rains, It Pours.”
When I date, it always goes in the same way. I have these spurts where I am dating a few guys at once or none at all. At the height of my dating frenzy in the last two months, I was dating five guys.
Let me be clear. This is highly unusual for me. In the past, it has been usually two or three guys with an obvious front runner. My friends call it the totem pole of dating. Someone is clearly on the top, someone in the middle and someone on the bottom. It sorts itself out that way sooner or later.
And while I would say that I am closer with some of the five than I am with others, I would have a really hard time ranking them. I have somehow stumbled into a plethora of smart, funny, handsome, mature men. Like I. Said the magic word, and poof! They all appeared!
I suddenly understand the song “It’s Raining Men.”
I am not complaining, just marveling at this unusual occurrence. What have I done to please the karmic gods? I will keep doing it!
This is what I love about being single. I really do enjoy dating. I love getting to know new people. I love hearing their story, I love the fluttering butterflies in my stomach that lead up to our hands touching for the first time or to those first great kisses. I love learning what makes someone tick.
i am like this everywhere in my life. I don’t mind parties where I don’t know anyone. I enjoy networking! I am comfortable traveling alone and striking up conversations with strangers.
Maybe I just really enjoy the thrill of the new.
Or maybe I just got really good at it because I had to.
I have been single for a long time. Yeah, I have dated a lot of guys but very few lasted longer than five months. My last long term boyfriend was six years ago. I don’t know if I can count the on again-off again fella that I keep in touch with because he lives out of state. I’ve kept that going for seven years and we still love each other’s company. But that’s not the kind of long term relationship I am referring to.
At some point after that break up six years ago I wanted to be really independent and confident. I wanted to explore and try new things, so I did. It took me down new paths of self discovery and I made a lot of new friends. Some of those paths were really winding and led me away from who I really am, and I think I got confused and I was meeting all the wrong guys.
I didn’t realize this at the time, though. At the time I figured a relationship wasn’t in the cards, so I better get good at being alone. So I did. I got real good. I mastered that shit. I go to movies alone, I vacation alone, I book my weekends with babysitting and dog sitting gigs because I am not waiting around for someone to call. And I embraced the glory of a weekend in, alone.
I went through long dry spells alone, and then a flurry of dates would happen at once. And I had fun both ways. When I was alone, I was cool with it. It was rare for there to be a night spent pining wishing I was with a date. If that happened, I called a girl friend and we hung out. And when I had a date, I would get all girled up and excited for the possibilities.
I guess I would just go with the flow.
But here’s the catch. I never felt really in control. I just made the most of my circumstances. Like I was dealt and hand and I had no say in things.
Now I don’t believe that is true. Maybe that is what has led me to my string of good luck. I make my own luck.
I have learned when I need to be alone, when it need time and space for myself and my friends. In those times, I typically stay closer to home. My friends and I have intimate dinners and catch up by going on young walks. When I am ready to start going out and meeting new people, we head to bars or invite large groups to dinner so new people can mingle and meet each other. I try new hobbies.
But it’s bigger than that. It’s about keeping an awareness of yourself when you are out in public. I make an effort to look good when I go out by smiling. Yup, I usually make sure my clothes are presentable and I generally go out with a simple tinted moisturizer and mascara look. But I look so much happier and more approachable when I smile.
Smiling, making eye contact and being generally pleasant keeps me open to new possibilities. I try to be clear about what I need and I what I want and then I seek it out. And in think it must be an energy that I put out that signals to men, and to the universe, that it am ready for them to bring it on! Let’s play ball, I’m ready to roll.
And lately, with this recent group of guys that I can’t seem to work into a totem pole, I am deciding to enjoy them individually for who they are. I am not comparing. I am taking the good qualities and encouraging more of that. Normally, I would focus on the negative and use it as an excuse to run. But I am flipping the script. One guy is extremely discerning with choosing food and wine, almost to the point of being picky and a tad snobbish. But you know what, we have awesome meals and drink amazing wine so let’s do more of that!
One guy is sweet and humble, I would normally be afraid of stomping all over him. But instead I nurture that and have simple, quiet evenings in his company.
I am taking stock of what I’ve got and rolling with the best of it. I don’t need to be in a relationship right now, I don’t know if I could handle that. But dating a bunch of men and enjoying the best of what they have to offer? Boy, that’s a lot of fun.
Besides, I have the best theme song ever: