Am I Sticking to Friendships Because it’s Safe?

Here is my question for you that I am dealing with right now: As a straight woman, should I complete the healing process by jumping back into dating or should I stay in the warm cocoon of female friendships a bit longer?

Everyone says that when you are going through a breakup you should spend lots of time with your friends- surround yourself with people that love and support you, Ok, good advice. Will do.

But what do you do when that feels more like a really cute shoe that is perfect for the outfit but doesn’t quite fit right? Maybe I should share my experience this weekend to put this into perspective.

I haven’t been ready to start dating again. I tried, but I had no interest in making any effort for dating. It’s not that I kept thinking about the ex, it’s just a total and complete lack of interest. So I haven’t tried to meet any new guys. Until Saturday, when I volunteered at the Maryland Brewers Harvest festival. It was testosterone central. Half the men were married or with their wives, but the others were there with their buddies. Had I known I wouldn’t have worn just my glasses and a T-shirt. I didn’t actively flirt with many of them, just one or two (I couldn’t help it myself).


This all felt good. This was such a nice boost. I actually stayed well past the end of my shift because I was having such a great time. Then I went off to spend the weekend with my sorority sisters to celebrate our chapter’s 75th anniversary. I thought this would be perfect- lots of girl time! Yay! Right?

Until I found myself surrounded by girls 6+ years younger than I was, with none of the girls that I knew in sight. I was so uncomfortable. I felt old and tired and like i had done too much day drinking to actually have fun at a college bar.

Sorority sisters from classes in the 50s all the way to current students. Sisters for life, right?

Sorority sisters from classes in the 50s all the way to current students. Sisters for life, right?

Our morning brunch felt much better. I was surrounded by the girls that I thought were so cool and silly, the ones that I liked so much that I decided that being their sister would be such fun. And then I realized that I never made much effort to be their friends because I was so busy with the theater and I thought that they already had a group of close friends. But now, now we’re adults and we can hang out. Many of us said we should get together and talk more often. So why not?

It was a strange weekend. What I thought would make me happy didn’t really, and what I thought would be just to help out a cause was more uplifting than I thought. I want to build some stronger friendships with some of these girls, but do I want this because it’s safe? Is it because I am too afraid to put myself out there with a guy and risk getting hurt again?

Have you ever felt this way?


5 thoughts on “Am I Sticking to Friendships Because it’s Safe?

  1. I enjoyed your weekend stories, SG. When you tune out the outside noises of “you should only be with girls” or “you should date someone to get over him” and ONLY listen to your emotions/voice inside, you will feel great and happy. Trust yourself. If it feels too scary to put yourself out there, then don’t. (But given the fun you had volunteering with those guys, I think you are not afraid!) Everything you do should feel light and fun. If dating doesn’t feel that way then do something else that does until dating feels light and fun again.

  2. Stay with your girls until you don’t feel like you need a man. That’s when you’ll find one. Check out my blog of quotes for your troublesome twenties, there are a few quotes I think might inspire you.

  3. Like everyone sad, listen to what your body and your brain are saing, there isn’t a safe parter ore some pill. Just being able to really listen to your self and know what your needs are. Don’t be afraid to try everything that makes u feel your self.

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