The Winter Blues are a real thing in my life. It is palpable how sad I can get. One year I decided it was a great idea to start a challenge to myself to break some dating habits. I decided I was going to go on 50 First Dates and write about my experiences.
I didn’t have any finite plans about what I wanted to do with this project, maybe I would turn it into a play or a book. But I really wanted to do it, so I started an online profile one January and got to work setting up dates.
In case you are wondering about the project, nothing has come of it yet. I ended up having a mild depression that winter after going on these dates that were going no where and having the same conversation over and over again- from what to do you to what are your hobbies to I’m just not feeling it. The other question I get about the project is what if I had met someone. I did not restrict myself to only going on one date with each guy. If I wanted to keep seeing him I would. The whole point was to get out of a rut and if I got out of a rut before 50 First Dates, then great.
Anyway, back to the Networker. We messaged online in the normal fashion. Nothing in particular stood out other than he was bald and was hysterical. He even made a joke about being bald forced him to develop this great sense of humor (makes sense to me). He quit his corporate job and now freelanced and finally started to turn a profit in his business. (Hence the nickname. He knew everyone in town because he had to hustle for his work)
I wouldn’t say I am attracted or turned off by bald men, I would say I am curious. I like to think I am open to it, but most of the time in person I am not really attracted. I had not figured this out yet about myself.
So we agree to go out for a glass of wine. It was February. 2010. If you were on the East Coast, you will recall that was the winter of Snowmageddon. It started sometime around midnight the night of our first date.
We knew the weather report and decided to risk it. We were just meeting for one drink after all.
The Networker was hilarious, and I really enjoyed that about him. He was pleasant to be around. So one glass of wine turned into two. I couldn’t make up my mind if I was interested in him, but I was having fun and wanted to figure it out.
I do not know why I wanted to figure it out THAT NIGHT. I do not know why I didn’t think “I am intrigued. But I will wait and figure it out another night when they are not predicting a huge snowstorm.”
But no. I didn’t think that. Instead, I suggested we go to my favorite dive bar a few doors down, play the jukebox and maybe some pool and keep hanging out. So we do. We run into a few acquaintances of mine and we hang out as a group. Lots of laughs ensue and plenty more drinks.
I cannot make up my mind about this guy, but it was probably not a good sign that I was making eyes at another guy across the bar. He was just drop dead gorgeous. I couldn’t help myself (but I know I should have).
The Networker and I decide to call it a night and parted ways with a hug and plans to meet up again for dinner the following weekend. My night did not end there, I went back to flirt some more like the idiot that had one drink too many tends to do.
But that story will be for another day.
Long story short, my car got buried in the snow. A few days later the Networker picked me up at my apartment and helped me shovel out. I was incredibly grateful but still not sure I was attracted.
The Networker and I met up for dinner. Again, the conversation was great. But I was pretty certain I was falling on the side of the fence of “Not Attracted.” He walked me to my car and finally went in for a kiss. And let me just say politely that it firmly planted me in the “Not Attracted” camp.
So I told him I wasn’t feeling it and would like to be friends. He balked at this, the way we all do when our pride is wounded, and we parted ways. I still am not sure what the right way is to end a relationship like that. I thought honesty and directness was best, but that still stings.
Who knew that he literally KNOWS EVERYONE in my city. So even now 5 years later we are consistently running into each other at events and parties thrown by mutual friends. I was really glad that the first time I saw him after that awkward ending was at the Farmer’s Market and he was with a girl, I had hoped a date.
Luckily there are no hard feelings between us and we can have a great time if we happen to both be at the same concert together, oftentimes alone because we are both confident enough to go to things alone. (which I suppose means it’s a shame I’m not romantically attracted! We have so much in common!)
I’m glad we’ve been able to be friends, despite the awkward ending.