Movies Lie to Me- It’s Not Easy to Figure It All Out

I’ve been on a movie kick lately. And not the kind the have the happy ending were boy meets girl and they fall in love and live happily ever after as the credits roll. I’ve been watching movies about girls in their late twenties-early thirties trying to figure it all out. Because that’s what I’ve been doing.

Is It Just a Late Quarter Life Crisis?

I have a dream to write- books, movies and plays. I want to be involved in the creation of these mediums. I’ve loved it and been enchanted by it my whole life. I love the story telling part. I yearn to create something meaningful that speaks to my soul and the souls of others. I want to speak and share my personal story and travel.

I have been walking a hard path for the last two and a half years, trying to figure myself out and trying to work freelancing and I just don’t know if I have the strength to keep it up. I love the freedom, I love being able to write during the times that work best for me. But it is incredibly stressful when you’re not sure how the bills are going to be paid. Will I make enough this month, or how can I make just a little more?

And it’s frustrating when other people my age are so settled- they can go to the grocery store and buy the things they want. They can save for a vacation and retirement. They can go out to dinner. I am barely scraping by.

It’s scary.

There are so many stories out there of the people that live their dreams. Mastin Kipp lived in a tiny pool house that belonged to his ex-girlfriend’s mother. Talk about awkward. But he lived there while he got his life together and launched The Daily Love. Now he coaches others, inspires, writes… it’s basically my dream life. And these movies, like the one I just finished called Frances Ha. Greta Gerwig refuses to get a day job and creates a work from her passion to dance. Who knows if that paid the bills. It’s a movie.

Do I Sell Out?

I hear that Lena Dunham basically got 4 hours of sleep because she would work, write, work, write and that was every day for her. So she kept a job to pay the bills and kept her passion to non-work hours. Now she is an inspirational power house.

I am considering taking a 9-5 job. In the evenings I could write and make theater. I was originally thinking that I would continue to train clients but I am now asking myself if I should give that up so I have more time to work on my passion? That would be incredibly difficult because I have made new commitments to two studios and new clients. I don’t know just yet.

Defining Who I Am

When we first meet someone usually one of the first things we get asked is “What do you do?” So many of us allow our jobs to define who we are. And I know I’ve been guilty of that.

I know the script going through my head. “I’m a personal trainer and that means I must be fit, I must eat well, I must be enthusiastic, I must have the answers, I must workout and be strong.” I let my job define me. And I let the role of a freelancer define me.

I love the freedom in freelancing. I love the possibility. But I am afraid I jumped into that life too soon, too fast. I had very little safety net, and I thought that would help me push and fight harder. I thought I would want it more because I needed it.

Am I Weak?

And the hard choice is that I worry that I am giving up and that will change who I am. Does that mean I am weak? Am I a sell out?

We do the same thing with relationships a lot of times. Or at least,  I do. I meld into the person. I let that person bring out a part of me. Sometimes it’s a really good part. I feel more alive or more creative or funny. And then I identify with that and then identify that with the relationship. I worry that will go away when the relationship ends.

I fight so hard for that relationship to work, for the guy to stay, for us to work. Maybe that’s why, because I am worried I will lose myself.

And I’ve done work on myself, I’ve spent time alone meditating and reflecting and praying. I think and analyze a lot. I think I’ve got myself down and that I can handle loving another person because gosh darnnit I love me. *toothy grin*

And then it all falls to pieces, and then the relationship doesn’t work and I fall to pieces.

An Opportunity

Being single and being in a sort of career crisis is an opportunity. An opportunity to define me.

Maybe I over-think it. Maybe it’s one of those things that is really easy and I just need to settle in and let it be and I will figure it out. Wouldn’t that just be Murphy’s Law? I spend all this time looking and it was there all along.

I know I will figure it out, I know I am worthy.

If I ever going looking for my heart's desire again, I won't look any further than my own backyard.

If I ever going looking for my heart’s desire again, I won’t look any further than my own backyard.

Do you have similar struggles with defining who you are? How do you define yourself? How did you come to the conclusion? Let me know in the comments below!


Revelations and Lightbulb Moments

I believe in being honest, completely honest. I wrote some ideas down for posts and some full posts a few days ago, but because of the holiday I didn’t post them right away. They’re a little rant-y. I apologize that some of the posts you will get over the next week are probably out of order.

So you’re going to see a post in a few days about my frustration with hope. Today I am going to be a lot more optimistic.

Something for everyone! Hooray!

I’ve been a little grumpy in my head lately, mostly because I am a freelancer and I have always imagined that I would create a life that I have designed and I work hard to help people and do work that fires me up.

I’ve been trying to do this for several years. I’ve tried working a corporate job while doing my passion on the side. I leapt without a net and pursued my passion, thinking that hard work and passion would be enough. And it’s not there yet, it’s just… so… hard.

Ok, enough of the downer crap.

Shockingly (maybe not, maybe I should have known I was missing something) there is a better way to do all this.

I am reading an incredible book called Choose Yourself. I am a self-help junkie (have you noticed this about me yet?) and I read constantly. Most self help books open your mind, but give very little practical advice that you can put into action. Choose Yourself has already given plenty of useable tips, and I am not even a quarter of the way through.

The book is usually recommended as a career book, but I cannot think of anything better for relationship and life advice as well. Holy moly, I can choose myself, and not care if anyone else ever chooses me? (funny thing about the universe, and this goes with many other books about metaphysics, is that when you choose yourself others can’t help but choose you, too)

This may be particularly challenging advice for women especially. Women naturally respond to being chosen. Mat Boggs, a fantastic relationship expert and researcher of relationships,  found that women are extremely responsive to being “chosen.”A guy chooses you over others, he choose to provide for you. Back in the day, being chosen meant that you were going to survive, you wouldn’t be left to your own devices to provide for yourself.

We don’t need this so much anymore, but women still have the natural instinct to enjoy being chosen.

I digress a little. The concept of choosing yourself means that you hold yourself responsible for lighting your own internal fire. You must build your foundation in the physical, spiritual, mental and emotional bodies.

What I have been missing for so long, in so many of these areas, is that I am not lighting MY OWN FIRE. I am expecting the outside world to light my fire.

So I get stuck in an endless cycle,beating my head into the pavement over and over. I run and work really hard for something- a man, a cause, a job, a dream. And I expect that X Factor to fill me up and excite me.

Things don’t turn out how we expect them. I find some level of success or I get only so far towards my dream and it is like I am hitting a huge brick wall. I can’t get any further.

I cannot stress how big of a lightbulb moment this is for me.

And I hit that wall because I get burnt out- I have pushed so hard to get the outside world to look the way I want it. And so things get knocked back to square one.

And I get SO TIRED. It’s a constant fight and I never understand why.

I haven’t lit my own fire. No one else will light it for me, I am the only one that can do that.

This book has already been so helpful, I am positive I will be writing about it more. And I have a new perspective now,so those out of order posts I wrote about may get posted, maybe not. Maybe I will add new notes and new perspectives since many of my frustrations are voiced here and have changed.

One of the frustrations in my life is when we all walk around with dead eyes- like zombies trying to just get through the day. I wish there was something I could do to help. Something to help bring the life back. I think it would be a better world if we could just bring the life back to our eyes. This may be an important step in that direction.

Have you had any lightbulb moments in your life recently? What has been turning you on? Share in the comments below! Share this post on Facebook or Twitter, I’d love to hear from as many people as possible about this topic.


Thanksgiving Post: Be Kind

Today is a day where the blog writers of America all write their lists of what they are thankful for.  I will join them with a list of things that I am thankful for today and everyday, and that will be at the bottom. But before I get into that I want to share something that struck me this morning.

I, like most of America, watch the Thanksgiving Day Parade on NBC, and I LOVE watching the Today Show beforehand. I love that usually it is filled with human interest stories, especially stories of children that are at St. Jude’s Hospital. The stories of strength, perseverance and unconditional love from the family usually fill my heart and make me misty.

This morning, they interviewed Ray Rice the Baltimore Raven (go Ravens! I’m a Baltimore girl) about his work with kids and teens to out an end to bullying.

Ray said something that struck a chord. He said Be Kind. What a simple message but so important. He stressed that you never know what another person is going through so be kind.

I like to think that I adopted a similar philosophy for myself and my personal interactions with people. When I worked in a phone center, it was really hard. But I can remember when my boss had me listen to a phone call that was a total disaster.  I was an assistant manager and it was my job to take the call when they caller asked for a supervisor. I got the job done, but it wasn’t pretty. And he pointed out that I was so focused on fixing the problem that I never spent any time empathizing with the caller.

That was a literal wake up call for me. That person could have been having an awful day and I wasn’t listening to her. And that was actually really all I needed to do for my job! Listen! Let that person feel heard.

Now I really try to practice that. I try to remember that every person is doing the best that they can. The best they can. And we have all had those days that our best isn’t that great because we’re dealing with some big stuff. And we know it’s not other people’s problems, but we’d really like someone to cut us some slack.

And that’s exactly what I try to do. Be kind. Cut people some slack.

So, with that simple idea, I am going to leave you with my list of what I am thankful for!

My mom and sister. My grand mom for being with us for one more year. My family that will be cooking (and for not laughing when all I show up with is a bottle of wine).   My wonderfully warm and cozy studio apartment. Cozy pjs and having the time to paint my nails while enjoying the parade. My health and the ability to keep working out. My lovely friends! My mentors for being courageous enough to share their stories with the world and to teach the public. Laughter. Wine with dinner at 1pm. Hot cocoa. Boots and cozy sweaters. Champagne. Whipped cream. My silly cousins and their daughters. Every relationship I have had that has taught me something.

And you my readers, the people that are helping me make this the community I have hoped for!

Bon appetite and Cheers!

Pancakes for One

What is sadder than a Saturday night in? Sunday morning, making pancakes, for one.

I am a big fan of pancakes. I am also a big fan of Sunday mornings. I love the New York Times. On a good day, I can spend hours reading the articles, absorbing new information and living vicariously through all the gorgeous well-off New Yorkers.

You know what makes me love those things a little less is the memory of an ex that loved pancakes and loved my NYT addiction.

So what’s a sassy single gal to do?

I am reclaiming Pancakes for One! I am still working on the perfect recipe, and honestly I don’t do much for recipes I like to mess around. Beyond your basic pancakes from scratch recipe, here are the extras I like to add in:

  • Oatmeal
  • Cornmeal and berries
  • Peanut butter and chocolate chips
  • Greek yogurt (I usually only keep plain around, but bought a banana flavor once and that was a slam dunk!)
  • Bananas and… chocolate chips, or walnuts, or macadamia nuts, or unsweetened coconut flakes
  • Pear or apple pieces
  • Lemon or orange zest
  • protein powder

I think the experimentation gives me something to look forward to when making pancakes even when I’m the only one enjoying them. I’m not the best cook (maybe because I don’t follow recipes!) but I get a lot of pleasure out of playing around with pancakes. And pie recipes. Oh, how I love pie.

What’s your comfort food? What have you reclaimed since a breakup- maybe a recipe you used to cook for him but now you make it for yourself or a new love.

Good ol' fashioned plain pancakes. Delish!

Good ol’ fashioned plain pancakes. Delish!

I Was a Single Gal Cliche: I Spent Saturday Night in Sweatpants

Well, it wasn’t my home on this particular occasion. I was pet sitting- me, 2 labs, and 2 cats. So I didn’t really have a choice of whether or not to go out, so I made the most of my Saturday night at home.

A Rockin’ Saturday Night

I put on my sweatpants and a cozy fleece. I ordered a pizza and made some hot cocoa. And I cozied up with the animals and cable TV.

After flipping around I stumbled upon Iyanla Fix My Life, which I have seen recommended on The Daily Love before. So I figured I’d watch a bit to see what it was all about.

I happened to tune in just in time for the episode titled “Fix My Love Life.” Oy. How appropriate.

What I loved about Iyanla was that she was also single, she was one of us fighting the good fight against out own demons. It was the same path, the same journey that we are all going through. She said everything with sass, honesty and genuine love for others.

It was so…refreshing. And comforting!

It wasn’t just dealing with surface issues either. She didn’t just say “love yourself first” and then leave it at that, as if that was supposed to be enough to enlighten ourself. “OH! Is that what I ‘ve been doing wrong all this time? Well, then let me just fix that!” As if it was as easy as replacing a burnt out lightbulb.

No, Iyanla dug deeper. What’s holding you back? What are you afraid of revealing?

Learning? On A Saturday?

She had some great one-liners that really made me think. You can see the top ten here on her site.

Some of them really rung true for me. “The deeper you fall in love the more unloving you will behave.” Yup. And the right guy won’t be scared off by the surface behavior. He will see the potential underneath. And she told everyone that you’ve already been rejected, you’ve already been hurt, you’ve already been broken and you’re ok. Nothing to be afraid of.

I encourage you to flip through the 10 slides. Which one jumps out at you and what reaction do you have? Which one makes you reflect?

3 Mistakes Single Women Make

I also loved her 3 Mistakes Single Women Make. Yes she tells us to love ourself first, but that is because we attract who we really are and we teach people how to treat us. If we don’t love ourself, why should we expect anyone else to know how to love us and treat us well?

Wow, that sounds so much simpler than it really is. But, gosh. Is it ever true.

I almost feel like it deserves a “Hallelujah!” afterwards.

Mistake number two was blocking intimacy and I know that I am guilty of this. I throw up all kinds of walls that I won’t let a person really know who I am. I hold back true feelings and I hide my insecurities. I don’t let the other person see inside me. I do want people to think I am perfect, that I have my shit together. “Look at the shiny facade I created! It’s so pretty and put together!”

Sometimes I push them away by revealing too much too soon- the overload can scare anyone off! I will pull out all kinds of crazy tricks to keep anyone from getting too close and seeing the real, imperfect me.

Mistake number three was doubting that you can have the love you desire. Wooooo, boy, this shows up in a million different ways. It shows up when I protest “I don’t need a man!” Because I know I don’t need it, but I do want a relationship. I protest that I don’t need it because I am truly afraid I am not worthy of getting someone good enough, and I don’t want to be with someone that is just meh for me.

I might protest “the good ones are taken,” “there are no good single men anymore,” or insist that I am happy as I am. But, deep down, am I really happy? I accept that I am single right now, and I do love that. I love my freedom. But I do want a relationship, I want a partner to share my life with.

Making Yourself Happy

But I have to remember that no one has the power to make me happy. I have the power to make me happy.

I like hearing relationship advice, and I do like hearing about the mistakes that women make because I believe we all have many of the same problems. I think it is something that unites us. And for that reason, I think we can learn a lot from each other.

It gives an opportunity to love each other a little more, because you can see you reflect in the eyes of another person. And sometimes all that other person needs is some love. Because isn’t that what we all really need?

So that was my Saturday night. It wasn’t glamorous or wild. It was completely cliche- surrounded by pets, with the cable tv and some junk food. But having these real moments that touched me and inspired me to try to be more open and to be more vulnerable was probably one of the most worthwhile Saturday nights I have had…well, that I have ever had.

How was your weekend? Any highlights?

Me, 2 labs, and a cat. And sweatpants. Awesomeness!

Me, 2 labs, and a cat. And sweatpants. Awesomeness!

A List: What I Learned About Healing a Broken Heart

Here are some of my thoughts after reflecting on the different tactics I used to heal:

  • You cannot speed up healing a broken heart, but it is possible to slow down the process
  • There is no perfect way to heal
  • Be open. Be brave. Try something new.
  • You cannot remove a guy from your system by detoxing, washing your hair, or anything else
  • You can improve your outlook by focusing on the positive. And then you cry less!
  • Be mindful, be present. Now is a good time to practice.
  • It doesn’t have to be complicated or expensive to be effective to help a healing process.
  • I personally liked this way better than drinking.
  • I choose feeling over numbing.
  • It’s ok to feel sucky.
  • It’s not always about my problem. I don’t have to be “fixed”
  • Strive to be the best person I can be, mind my own front yard or something like that.
  • You don’t have to have a rebound to feel like you’ve wiped the slate clean.

This is just a short list of how I could sum up what I learned from my healing process. It felt like a more holistic process and I was able to feel my way through it. I really started to be in touch with what made me feel good- respected and playful. I didn’t have to hide my feelings or make excuses for myself or for the guy. And I didn’t have to bad mouth him either. I just took care of myself.

That felt good.

Crazy Shit I’ve Tried: Touch Me! Day 7

Scientifically we need to be touched on a regular basis. I had a mentor that once said we need to be hugged 3 times a day to stay sane. I always thought it was part of her cute Southern charm.She always said it with a lovable drawl, and I thought well that’s nice it was probably a part of your family and Southern culture. But I didn’t see any truth in it.

Until I read about a series of studies that have been performed about the science of touch. And damn if it wasn’t true that human beings need touch. Babies that are touched more often gain healthy amounts of weight compared to babies that are starved for touch. Touch can alleviate physical pain as well as emotional pain.

One of the hardest things about a breakup is that you’re no longer getting the amount of physical contact that you were accustomed to getting. It is a big adjustment. I think its effects can be very obvious for some people, and more subtle for others. I am not always needy for physical affection, but I enjoy it as much as the next person. And in retrospect,without it, I do feel more blue.

So I decided to include massage as a part of my healing routine. Many people I know consider massage as a relaxing luxury. After working with a massage therapist for several weeks I learned that it can be a part of a total body wellness routine. And it is absolutely true that you glow afterwards. Even better than post-coittal glow, in my opinion.

This was a while ago, and I was really feeling low after this particular breakup. Luckily for me, the massage therapist agreed to trade an hour massage for an hour of personal training. And, he was going through his own dating struggles so we could swap stories and tips. It was great.

I don’t know what part of the sessions was the most beneficial- having someone to talk to, being touched in a non-threatening way, getting the blood flowing and toxins purged, or being put into a state of complete relaxation.

How could I not absolutely recommend massage as a tactic to get over a breakup? Um, hello?? Get on Living Social and get a deal right now. Bonus points if you find someone or a location that rewards you for returning over and over again. There were major benefits to seeing the same therapist multiple times.

4 heart level recommend!


Crazy Shit I’ve Done: I Made a 40 Day Commitment, Day 6

Break ups really mess with my head. Like it royally screws shit up. My brain goes wild. I thought things were bad up there during the relationship — I have a lot of insecurities that come raging to the surface of my consciousness — but after the breakup things can get way worse.

That itty bitty snotty committee in my head will go on a rampage. “I wasn’t good enough. I treated him badly. I messed up. I should have done everything differently. I suck, generally and all the time, I deserved to be left alone.”

Ouch, I can be really mean to myself.

It’s easy for me to slip into self flagellation and try to find everything I’ve done wrong so I can “be better next time.” Someone pointed out to me once that it’s not all my fault.

Oh. It’s not?

I think I jump to this conclusion because I usually think I’m pretty happy in the relationship, I focus on all the good stuff and I am willing to work through the rough stuff. That’s what a relationship is about, right? So I logically assume that I get dumped because it’s something that is lacking in me.

Apparently, that’s not necessarily true! Who knew?

So this time around, I launched into some immediate self-care. In addition to my mantras and gratitude project, I decided to turn it up a notch after a few weeks of feelings crummy and low. I had previously bought and practiced Gabrielle Bernstein’s May Cause Miracles and I was really happy with the process last time. I decided it would be a good time to practice it again.

Gabby feels like the older sister I never had. She has seen the worst of it all and is reporting back from the other side. She is showing a kinder, more loving way to go about daily life.  Her book provides a daily practice and a weekly focus. She gives a morning meditation, a mantra, and an evening practice, which can range from journaling to meditation.

When I first heard that she was launching this book, I avoided it for a long time. I will following you down the path of the woo-woo practices, but do I really want to meditate for 40 days? I don’t have that kind of time to commit to that! I decided to just jump in and do what I could, and i took the same approach this time. I knew I would be tired in the evenings but I decided to at least do the morning stuff every day.

I’m glad I did, it always gave me something to think about. If I felt my thoughts drifting to beating myself up I would remember my “Miracle Moment” and bring my thoughts back to something more kind like forgiveness, acceptance or gratitude.

Maybe now would be a good time to explain what Gabby means by miracles. I’m not expecting to walk on water or turn water into wine (oh that would be so nice!). A miracle, as defined by A Course in Miracles which is the basis for Gabby’s teachings, is a shift in thinking. That simple. And if you think about it, it really is a miracle.

Changing the way you think about something really does have a lot of influence on how you show up in the world and how you respond to your day.

Some of the weeks were general and focused inward, some were focused on money or relationships. Even if the day didn’t match up entirely with what I was doing, I stuck to it anyway. It all works together, anyway.

I think it helped me to keep a loving perspective on the whole thing. The other crazy practices I had tried were one off things, it was something that I did for just maybe an hour on one day a week, maybe. Or the detox which last just for one week. This was something that stayed with. Me all day every day for 40 days. I think I really needed that.

As a bonus, Gabby sends you access to some video lectures she has. Those were also incredibly helpful! And it reminded me that there are lots of resources and videos of hers on YouTube and on her site. So I went back and watched her video training that went with the launch of her meditation album called Medidating. That video… I watched it three times in a row. There is gold in there.

The point of all of this is that I came to terms with me. I have everything I need already inside of me, I’m not missing something or lacking or not good enough. I am enough.

Some days I just said that over and over: I am enough.

I’m not a bad person. I just sometimes block my own way and focus on the problems. Instead I need to just remember how good I am, and bring that to the surface more. I don’t have to be “fixed” because I am already whole.

Maybe this sounds too far out there for you. Or maybe it all sounds really obvious! I think it just takes me a while to come to grasp with it all. I have a tendency to want to be perfect, I want the straight A’s! And if I don’t have an A then there must be something wrong and I must figure out how to fix it.

It’s not like that in life, I guess! We are who we are and we have to love that about ourselves.

So I’m a work in progress, I’m trying to practice all this and be gentle with myself.

And Gabby’s rating? I give it 4 hearts. You do need to make the commitment to it, but when I did I really enjoyed having a kind voice to guide me through the process. I am also a big fan of her other work, so it did seem a tad repetitive but I still got a great experience from the practical day to day assignments.

Other Posts in this Series:



Chiropractic Care

Mantras and Gratitude


Crazy Shit I’ve Tried: Tap, Tap, Tap, Is This Thing On? Day 5

“Even though he didn’t want a relationship with me, I completely and deeplyaccept myself.” Tap-tap-tap-tap-tap?

No, I wasn’t tap dancing. Not yet at least. (Dance parties are one of my favorite ways to shake off the blues, however.)

I was using Tapping, which I later learned is also called EFT, Emotional Freedom Technique. Tapping is similar to acupuncture, just no needles. Tapping is literally tapping into the energetic median points in the body in order to restore energetic balance,

What Is Tapping? 
I’d been reading about it quite a bit, and I was on a mailing list for Nick Ortner, who wrote the book and filmed the documentary The Tapping Solution. Ortner was offering a free course of getting rid of your financial blocks and I was interested. So couldn’t use some help when it comes to earning more money? So I listened and I tried his techniques, but what I was more curious was if this could apply to what I was dealing with in my breakup.

Why Did I Even Try It?
I knew I had a tendency to hold on to some negative energy after a breakup. I didn’t want to accept that I had to move on. And Ortner said something during that video about sometimes you will be tapping and trying to bring positive emotion into your body and you just know it’s false. When you just know it and you can’t believe the positivity, then you need to deal with the facts before you can bring in the positive.

Wow! I had never thought about that. I am a cock-eyed optimist (wow, two South Pacific references in one week, that is really odd).  So I just figured if I focused on the positive enough and long enough, that it would just become true. Fake it till you make it right?

I had never thought about confronting the truth with absolute honesty. Ortner encouraged you really identify what you are feeling and just say that.

How Do I Do It?
The way that tapping works is that you have a few specific points in your body that you tap 5-7 times while speaking a statement of what you’re working on.

So I was literally standing in my apartment saying things like “Even though I feel alone I deeply and completely accept myself.” “even though I feel unloved and worthless I completely and deeply accept myself.”

Hot Damn, It Worked!
And you know what? It relieved the sucky feelings. I wasn’t masking them, I was calling them out into the light and looking at them and accepting myself anyway. It was so freeing. And afterwards I could start saying things that were uplifting and more in line with the law of attraction.

I would highly recommend that you check out what Nick Ortner is doing. There are plenty of free resources and you do the tapping to yourself, so no one needs to know what crazy stuff you’re doing alone. I don’t care how ridiculous it sounds, because it actually worked to make me feel better.

Writing this has reminded me that I should go back to some tapping on a daily basis, keep working on letting go of the negative energy that is blocking me from more love and balance.

I highly recommend that you check it out! 5 heart rating! Especially because it’s free!

5 Hearts! Highly Recommend!

5 Hearts! Highly Recommend!


Other posts in this series:


Chiropractic Care

Mantras and Gratitude


Why I’m Doing This

Crazy Shit I’ve Tried: I Was Stuck By Needles, Day 4

At the end of my session when I sat up I said to my practitioner “I think that everyone should be required to get acupuncture after a breakup.”

I had been an acupuncture junkie for two years before this particular visit. This was the relationship before my most recent breakup.

I could open up and just be me when I closed the door of the acupuncture room. I could stop holding it all together and I could burst into a ball of tears and snot. My acupuncturist saw me through many tough times, including physical pain, work struggles, and a complete lack of confidence. Now I was smashed to bits, and holding on to all kinds of negative energy. I wanted to heal.

Why Acupuncture?

I started going to acupuncture because it was offered as a service where I was a trainer. I wanted to be able to answer questions if people asked about it. Plus I had a nagging knee pain, and acupuncture was supposed to be good for pain.

Little did I know that it could tackle so much more.

It Sounds Phony, How Does It Work?

Acupuncture works on the energy in the body. Energy flows throughout the body along meridians. Sometimes the energy can get blocked or stagnant. The needles help the path of the energy and restore it to a helpful state. This is a very elementary explanation of acupuncture. If there are any acupuncturists out there, please don’t hate me, I really do love what you do. And please fix my explanation in the comments!

My acupuncturist was incredibly talented. I was so lucky. He was kind and incredibly compassionate. He practiced elemental acupuncture, which is different form ancient Chinese acupuncture. The difference is in the philosophy and the way that it is practiced, plus elemental acupuncture used fewer needles. Elemental acupuncture was practiced in the five elements –wood, fire, earth, water, and metal — and believed that each person had a primary element that defined their behaviors as well as a secondary.

Five Elements Acupuncture. This chart may explain why I always seem to break up in the fall.

Five Elements Acupuncture. This chart may explain why I always seem to break up in the fall.

Speaking of the needles, no they don’t hurt. They really are incredible tiny. Some parts of the body are more sensitive, so it feels like a quick pinch. But you don’t notice the at all. Most of the time I fell asleep with them in while I was on the table.

Details on the Treatment:

For this particular appointment, after I dissolved into sobs, My acupuncturist listened patiently. It wasn’t his job to be my therapist, but he was supposed to listen to me so he knew what to work on. He took my pulses, to see what was going on in my body. (The pulses were amazing, he always knew what was going on with me- if I had a cold coming on, if I had partied all night, if a part of my body was aching) He told me we would do a clearing treatment. I knew this meant it would start to move the stagnant energy I had been holding on to for a few days.

This clearing treatment was done on my back. So he stepped out of the room while I removed my clothes from the waist up and I was given a sheet to drape across my chest for my own privacy. I laid on the table face down and waited for him to put the needles in my back.

I have no idea what pattern he put them in or how many there were. The needles were put along specific meridians of energy in the body, sometimes he would trace these on my back to find the exact spot he wanted. When he was done, he turned on the white noise machine and he left.


I don’t remember crying, but I do remember falling into a deep sleep. I’m pretty sure I drooled. The sound of the doorknob turning woke me up and he removed the needles. After I was dressed he checked my pulses again and told me it felt like some energy had returned.

And I actually felt like my energy had returned. I DID feel better. I was seeing him on a bi-weekly basis at that point but we changed it to weekly just to give me some extra support. He gave me a tape for meditation on dealing with grief.

I was lucky that I already had a relationship established with my acupuncturist. He knew me extremely well, and he knew what my pulses were like on good days and bad days. However, I still believe that acupuncture is extremely useful for anyone going through a tough time, like a breakup. It is one of the best things you can do for yourself.

A definite 5 heart, must do!

5 Hearts! Highly Recommend!

5 Hearts! Highly Recommend!

Because of schedules and the fact that both my acupuncturist and I work in different places, I wasn’t able to see him after this breakup. It was tough, but tomorrow I will talk about what I was able to do myself to give some relief!

Check out the other crazy shit I’ve tried:

Chiropractic Adjustment

Mantras and Gratitude


Why I’m Doing This