Taking A Risk To Find Happiness With Friends

A good friend called me a while back so that we could reconnect and hang out. When you receive a call like that, you think about a few different things. You wonder what inspired her to reach out. You are excited to hear from someone from your past. You worry that something is wrong.

I had spent the weeks before this call trying to help a friend hold things together after a messy break with her boyfriend. I felt really drained. Honestly, I knew I couldn’t do it for another person if that was what she was looking for. I was all tapped out on compassion and understanding.

But I met with her anyway, maybe it wasn’t something devastating that she was going through.

Oh, but it was. It sooooo was. And it had my other friend topped in the potential drama department. But the reason why this friend reached out to me was because she was pulling herself out of the woods. She did the mourning and depression and decided enough was enough. It was time to be around the people that made her happy. So she called me.

First, what a compliment! Second, I was so proud of her for knowing that was what she needed. She knew to surround herself with other people that would make her feel good. Not the ones that would depress and drain her, to help her to wallow or feel sorry for herself. Not the ones that would say the answer lay in the bottom of a wine bottle, so drink up! She’s been calling the ones that lift her spirits.

We sat for well over an hour and a half and we laughed and we talked about our lives and hobbies and interests. It was one of the more full and enriching coffee dates that I’ve had with a friend in a long time. For once, the focus isn’t on men or boys or dating or woes. Although that does come up, it wasn’t our focus.

I thought that this woman was so empowered and moving in the right direction. I had to share her story. It is so simple and so effective.

When it comes to business they tell you to choose your friends wisely because you are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with. This principle is trying to tell the budding entrepreneur to pick your friends wisely, hang out with successful people so your mind expands and you can learn! It’s a little cheesy, but it’s true. And it works in your life too.

If you surround yourself with negative people, you will start to feel more negative. Your outlook will change, guaranteed. But if you are around people that lift you up and look at the world differently, you will expand. And that is exactly what she was doing.

I don’t know if she reads my blog or not, and if you are, dear friend- hello!! Congrats to you for doing something brave and helpful to yourself, and thank  you for inspiring me!

When things get tough, reach out to someone. Look back at your past and ask yourself who did you feel the most “you” around? Who made you feel really happy? Who inspired you? Who really listened and cared? Call that person and say hello. Meet for coffee. My friend took a risk to reach out, I could’ve said I was too busy (although, that’s not who I am. I am never too busy. But she did catch me at a time when my energy was exceptionally low and I could’ve blown her off.) or ignored her or thought she was weird. But she risked it and got an evening of laughter and companionship- and isn’t that always worth the risk?

Developing Your Intuition

Everyone has voices inside that direct us what to do. I don’t mean literal voices, please don’t send authorities to my door to check on my mental state. I mean that gut feeling. They say it’s a female thing, but men get it to. An instinctive knowing feeling. I think that men are more likely to shrug it off and ignore it, but they do have it.

When you’re single, it is a great time to spend some time getting in touch with your intuition.

I’m not going to give you silly exercises. When I was trying to do some research on this all I kept finding were instructions to meditate (which can help) and some exercises. I think those exercises would probably help too, but it feels forced. Like team building exercises at work.

And it dawned on me how silly it is to do research on a topic like this. I know, it’s exactly the opposite of what I’m going to be talking about! The words for this post came to me when I sat still and reflected on how I got in touch with my intuition.

I think it is safe to say that we all know what that gut feeling feels like. We know when we just know something. When something feels unexplainably right. But this can be confusing because sometimes we feel a guidance that doesn’t feel right at all. What we have are the confusing voices of intuition and fear.

The tricky thing is that intuition sounds scary and fear sound logical.

When I sat still and thought about where I developed the confidence in my intuition I realized it was when I started talking to a good friend with intuition and also when I started reading Gabby Bernstein’s books. So I will direct you to  Gabby’s website so you can check out her resources, and I hope you will consider me like a friend and I can share my experience.

What Gabby and my friend gave me was confidence and permission to be the driver in my life. In the past, I have turned to my friends to help give me direction and advice. And their ideas never really worked right for me, but I kept trying. And suddenly I realized that I was looking in the wrong place. I needed to look within, I am the driver of my own life. I do not sit in the back seat or even the passenger seat- I am the driver, making the decisions that I know are best for me.

The first step to getting in touch with your intuition is acknowledging it is there. If you start by declaring that it is there, then it will show up for you. Bernstein says “Show me what you got!” I love it, it’s sassy and fun and light. Find something that seems natural for you to say and encourage yourself. When you acknowledge that it’s there, it is just like it is anything else with a vote of confidence. It starts working miracles.

After acknowledging and welcoming your own guidance, it can get a little trickier. It gets confusing trying to decide between what is intuition and what is fear. Sometimes it helps to have a list to know what is what.

Fear is pushy, and it is always the loudest voice in the room. Fear sounds like logic- it says things that logically make sense. But it feels anxious and unsettling inside. It sounds like running away, or too good to be true. Maybe your breathing changes and your breath gets short and shallow (you’re breathing from your chest instead of from your diaphragm in your belly), you clench your jaw, or you get a headache. It can be really hard to ignore because it seems to make sense, but it just doesn’t feel right.

Sometimes the voice of fear hides itself in the advice of our friends. Of course it does. Our friends want what’s best for us, they want us to play it safe and to avoid pain. Even the hint or possibility for pain is worth avoiding according to fear.

But that isn’t the truth. That isn’t what feels right deep inside. Deep inside, quietly, your inner guide is trying to tell you what the truth is for you. Your truth isn’t the same as mine, it’s not the same as your family and friends. It isn’t found in convention or advice or the status quo. It’s your own quiet inner voice. That’s intuition.

Intuition is a feeling of calm and peace. It doesn’t usually make logical sense. It may make you feel a little fearful because it seems out of the ordinary. You might think to yourself “But I know better, what my intuition is telling me is against everything I’ve ever known.” And you can choose to ignore your intuition. But it usually bites you in the butt.

Or it keeps coming around until you’re ready to address it head on and listen.

Have you had any experience with your intuition? When you sensed strongly that something has to be so, even if it doesn’t make any sense? Share your story with me! Or if you have questions about intuition and fear, or what the difference is? Feel free to post below!

Is It Really As Simple As Don’t Worry Be Happy?

I am a big believer that our thoughts and words make up who we are, how we show up and what shows up for us. I believe we can make our day better or worse just by what we say and think. And we can choose our thoughts, we have power over them. Just like the channels on the Tv, if you don’t like what you see change the channel.

I have been doing some spiritual work for myself. I have been turning myself over to the higher powers of the universe, whether that is God or Goddess or whatever is out there that is greater than I am that oversees everything. I have been praying more often. It feels good. I haven’t done this in a long time.

I was reading the other day and I stumbled upon an idea that really resonated with me, it was the idea that we turn everything over to God. We can’t control everything. It’s not our job to control. sometimes it is our job just to have faith.

the book was talking about how sometimes bad things happen to us, and instead of us trying to step in to manipulate the situation or set it right we should turn it over to God for the higher power to make things right. I thought, “yeah, that sounds about right to me.”

Boss treats me badly? That’s ok, things will be set right in the end. My job is to show up and do my best, it’s not my job to punish him. Get dumped? That’s ok, the Universe has something better for me swirling around just waiting to catch up to me.

So I have been practicing being still more often, being quiet. Let the. Universe catch up to me, it is just waiting to chase me with grace and blessings. And I have to know they are there and I have to be grateful for them when I receive rhem. Even when they come along in unexpected ways.

I saw my ex today. But I saw so many people that I love being around, and I was doing a really great job at work. It didn’t even phase me that he happened to be there. Yup, it was awkward, but I didn’t care at all. Gold star for me!

What I have taken away from the work I have been doing is that I have a choice. I can continue to be tense, upset and angry when I think about the ex. Or I can feel peaceful and loving. It is so much more pleasant to choose the latter.

This post was inspired while I was reading and one of my favorite Dylan songs came on my record player:

Why Don’t We Say Hello??

We all have those moments. In a coffee shop, in the grocery store, or wherever you are out and about doing your thing but not really there to have a conversation with new people. It just happened to me. I’m in a Starbucks, reading. A cute guy walks past once, we politely smile. He walked by a second time, and we made deliberate eye contact and gave each other a big smile.

Neither of us said hello. Neither of us made any kind of move. I suppose I could have gotten up to get a packet of sugar or something, made a move towards him when he was at the station with the cream and sugar. But I didn’t.

It’s another Missed Connection. I supposed there is a reason this has beeN a staple in personal columns in newspapers and on Craigslist.

But I don’t want a missed connection. I want an actual connection.

I have no problem being bold and starting a conversation with a stranger. I talk to people at bars and concerts all the time. I chat to my barista and the cashier. Why can’t I say hi to the cute guy I made eye contact with?

Is it really a fear of rejection? I’ve been rejected enough times in my life to know that the sting doesn’t last any longer than a bee sting. There isn’t even any swelling or redness!

Can I blame that the situation would have to be forced a little? How does a guy really approach someone engaged in their book? And to talk, I’d have to make up a reason to go over to him. So? I’ve done worse. I’ve driven over an hour to see a crush’s band play, only to realize that he has a girlfriend. Oops.

I have flirted and complimented men that are married or have girlfriends. And either I make their day by giving them a little attention, or they politely let me know they are taken and I laugh off the awkward situation. No harm, no foul.

So, here I sit. Whining about the cute man I made eye contact with and did nothing about. I could say that I’ll do better next time but I rarely talk to anyone in Starbucks unless we happen to be in line together. I am more frustrated that I let a situation dissolve without giving it a chance to be anything. I suppose I could be romantic and day it is the kind gesture of two people smiling at each other, and oh isn’t that nice? But I see it as a missed opportunity that I wish hadn’t been missed.

Has anyone else had this happen and been frustrated by it? Has anyone actually connected with someone on Missed Connections, and how did it go?

Defining Who We Are Without Other People’s Opinions

We know how the saying goes. Opinions are like assholes, everybody’s got one. But that doesn’t mean it’s important or worthy for us to take into our realm of truth.

People are going to think whatever they want about us. They are going to make snap judgements about how we talk, dress, and behave. They are going to react to us that show us what they think of us. They see us through their own filter. But it’s not truth.

When you are single, you are shedding a layer of skin, a personality. When we as human beings are in a relationship, it is natural to chip away a little piece of ourselves to make room for the other person to fit. Over time, more and more can get chipped away to make space for the “we.” And then, suddenly, the relationship is over. And we shed the “we” and then we realize that there is a chunk missing and we don’t know what’s wrong or where it went. It went away with him, and you want that part of you back. Many people think that means they want the guy and the relationship back. That will make them whole again. And sometimes it feels good again, for a little while.

But that’s not the issue. The issue is that there is a part of you that is defined by “we” and not by me. When the relationship changes and you’re single, you have an opportunity. You get to decide  how to define yourself.

The people around us, our friends, family, romantic relationships, coworkers and boss all have an opinion about who they think we are. Sometimes they share their opinion with us. We need to look at this feedback as an opportunity.

Danielle LaPorte wrote The Fire Starter sessions and in one section it encourages you to seek the opinion of a dear friend that will be completely honest with you. I was afraid to ask for someone else’s opinion of me. I think we all are, we’re afraid that they will have harsh things to say about us that they’ve been holding in and just waiting for an opportunity to let us have it.

I learned the exercise is actually twofold. The first is getting the feedback from someone you love and trust. The second is realizing that our friends really do love us and will never tell us what we can’t handle. The feedback I got was that I am too hard on myself! All that anxiety that there are awful things I’m doing and I am told that I am too rough on myself.

But getting that feedback from my friend gave me the opportunity to hear something from someone I cared about and then I could decide what I believe out of what was said. Because I’m the one that has to deal with it, not her. She said her piece and that was that. There wasn’t anything for her to deal with, it’s on my plate.

You can hear feedback. You can be told anything, but you can decide what you want to take in and take as truth. I was told this week that I was too smart and that I didn’t know enough, all in one conversation. I don’t agree with either. He can say that to my face, but it doesn’t have to come inside. I don’t have to accept it. It’s an opinion from an asshole, actually!

When you are single, you can decide who you are. Who do you want to be? How do you want to show up in this world? No one else gets the power to define who you are. And don’t give that power to someone else that has an opinion. Just because they have an opinion doesn’t mean they have any power over you.

No one can take your power unless you give it to them. So don’t give it to them. Keep your power. Make yourself who you want to be. Who cares what anyone else thinks? There’s a saying that goes “What you think of me isn’t any of my business.” I agree.

That Really Hurt Me

I am a sensitive and intuitive person. I pick up on a lot. I pick up on more than I actually choose to admit. You know that feeling when a guy you’re dating has become really distant, and you’re freaking out because you’re not ok with it? And you try to figure it out, and you reach out to your best friends and to the guy? When all along you know in your gut that the guy is creating distance so that he can evaluate if he wants to be with you. We women pick up on this stuff. And I know I am really, really sensitive to it.

My gut is absolutely right, it’s a strong belief that I have and I have to remind myself about it because I usually would rather ignore it if it’s telling me something I don’t want to think about.

I walked into work recently and had the odd sensation of a heavy, toxic feeling in the air. I haven’t had that feeling since middle school. It’s the distinct feeling that you walked into the room after you’ve been talked about. People react differently to you, they either act too cooly or they try to be too nice. The balance is off. And I had this at work. Not the place where you want to feel that way.

It pissed me off. I confronted my manager about it later, when I thought I had cooled down. But apparently I hadn’t and tears welled up in my eyes. It hurt.

For whatever reason, I was a glutton for punishment last week because I read some of my old journal entries and text messages from my ex. Maybe I was looking for writing inspiration? And I remembered how much I was freaking out in the last two weeks of the relationship. I felt unwanted and uncertain. What awful feelings to be having while you’re dating someone you really like. It makes it all worse when you want him to like you and he doesn’t.

And I noticed the pattern. I noticed he didn’t return texts as often. He put distance between us and cancelled dates, or was late. At the time, I put them into context that he was stressed and tired from work. But now, without the context, I see what my subconscious knew- he was distancing because he didn’t quite have the courage to say “I’m not that into you.”

I would like to call him an asshole right now. But he’s not an asshole, he’s just a boy.

What hurts is when someone won’t say it to my face.

It hurts when I speculate about what’s going on. And then I’m proven right.

It hurts when I feel like you think I’m going to get pissed so you avoid an uncomfortable conversation. If that’s what you think I’m going to do, you don’t know me at all. That hurts.

It hurts when you pull away.

It hurts when you talk to other people about problems, instead of talking directly to me. Yes, I’m guilty of this too and I will work on it.

It hurts when you make decisions that affect me without me. You assume you know what I  can and can’t handle and decide to “spare my feelings.”

It hurts to leave me in the dark until it’s too late.

Maybe it’s a good sign that I am noticing and aware of the fact that experiencing this in my professional life is not ok and I am preparing to leave. Maybe that’s a sign that I am more like to recognize it when it happens in a relationship and I am more likely to stand up for myself and take appropriate action.

If nothing else, I am proud of myself for standing up for myself verbally and telling the manager how I felt. And I am also proud for backing it up with action, and committing to myself to find a way to leave and support myself financially elsewhere.

Funny how much overlap there is in my professional and personal life. Do other people experience that, too?

 

 

Reflections and Lessons Learned About Being Friends With An Ex

I’ve been thinking.

Uh-oh, that’s never good…

I’ve been thinking about some past posts. I’ve written in the past about whether one can be friends with his or her ex. Apparently I’ve written about it a lot. It goes without saying that I think about this often.

The other day I wrote about healing our own heart. Between that post and my ongoing struggle about whether or not I can be friends with my ex. I have been pushing myself to get to the “friend phase” because we have to work together for our theater, we both are liked by the company and we are both valued by them. We’re not going anywhere and we’re forced together in many social situations. Many of which involve alcohol, and we all know how that can be a slippery slope.

So he and I had a lunch scheduled. And as soon as it was agreed that we would meet on this date and this time, I realized I didn’t want to go. So I called my bestie to work through it. I really wanted to know what the heck was going on because it has been months and it seemed like I was still hoping that he would want me back.

Well, I was thinking this morning. And it all clicked into place. I really do wish for that movie-style happy ending. I was watching Don Jon last night and noticed the pattern. Between thoughts about Joseph Gordon Lovett’s biceps I had a realization “Oh my gosh. It’s just a story device. They have to bring the relationship back in the end to give the audience a sense of closure. That’s not an imitation of life, it’s just a necessity of story telling.” 

Oh!!!

So I really should stop waiting for my story to come back around. And yes, if I’m being honest with myself I was really hoping he would clear his head and realize how much he missed me and wants me in his life.

And I think that he does miss me- as a FRIEND. Ugh, that dreaded, disgusting, despised word in relationships. The last thing I want is someone that I once cared about as my boyfriend to be my friend. Maybe years from now. Honestly, I do miss his friendship as well but he isn’t the only person that can provide me with friendship.

I’ve been helped by some gentle reminders. I remind myself that the movies are telling a fake story to entertain an audience. It is not a depiction of real life. And then I borrow one of Louise Hay’s affirmations and I tell myself “Someone that will love me back is on his way to me.” And I repeat it until I believe it. It actually does bring me some comfort.

So I have become very clear that meeting for coffee or lunch with my ex is not necessary. I was thinking I needed to do it so that it wouldn’t be awkward seeing him at a performance in the next few weeks. And I probably can’t prevent it from being awkward. But I can prevent putting myself in an awkward hour long conversation over food. And my friend had great advice. Just tell him it was a great show then go talk to someone else to tell them it was a great show. No need to linger and talk, there are plenty of people there that I know. And she offered to come with me so I have back up and support.

That feels really good. To have a decision made, and one that feels really right. It’s letting go of some dead weight and moving forward.

I sooooo needed that!

How The Weather Improved My Outlook On Valentines Day

I am not going to write about loving yourself today. I am not going to write about how I hate Valentines Day (I don’t). And I’m not going to celebrate singleness today, either.

I was having a hard time preparing for Valentines Day this year. My ex is in a play at the theater company I work with, and tonight is Opening Night. Normally I would go if I had no other plans and go to the after party and have a great time with my friends. But I don’t want to go without a date on Valentines Day and be in front of my ex. No thanks, recipe for disaster. And I didn’t want to take a date just to make him jealous (which is honestly what I would be doing, because I’m not dating anyone seriously enough for a Valentines date). So I passed on Opening Night.

And I am surrounded by these great options in my city to celebrate. Great chocolate treats and live music and yummy dinners. There’s a lot of local advertising going on, and bravo to the marketers because it’s tempting! Over-priced, but tempting.

So I was figuring I would spend time with my girl friends. Maybe we’d take a pole dancing class or go indoor rock climbing or something that would be fun. And no options really surfaced until last minute. We’re going to go dive bar hopping and play pool and skee ball. I’m really excited.

But I still didn’t feel any better about Valentines Day. It was still looming.  I like the idea of a day dedicated to make sure you show the person you care about how much you care. I don’t think it should be the only day, and I don’t think that it lessens all the other days you tell them how much you care. It’s just nice to set aside a day for love.

And then we got blanketed in snow yesterday. I love a good snow day. And then we got more last night around 9pm. And it was the most beautiful snow fall. The city was quiet and it was these big flakes. Like literal chunks of lace drifting to earth. It was so beautiful, I stared at it  until I fell asleep.

It was like a weather Valentine from Mother Nature. And I embraced it full-on. A Valentine! For me and everyone else! The city is covered in lace and everything is lovely.

Sure, in a few hours it’s going to be slushy and grey. But this morning there was a pink sunrise and the sun is out now. And I’m loving it.

How are you spending your Valentines Day?

 

How Do We Heal Ourself?

Sometimes what we really need is a new perspective. It’s easy to get trapped in the same thinking day in and day out, and then we wonder why we feel like crap. It’s because we are stuck in our thinking.

the other day I had an hour long conversation with my best friend about all my frustrations with my relationships from the past. I’m frustrates that I keep making the same mistakes and I don’t know what to change. I’m frustrated that sometimes it feels like I hang on to relationships from the past way longer than I should (and longer than I want to). And my friend agreed with me, yes I do all that, no she doesn’t know why, and no she doesn’t know what I should do about it. But she’s going to be there for me no matter what.

So at least there’s that.

So I was going through some emails from a few days ago and I found one from the Louise Hay mailing list that I am on. She has a new book about how to heal your own heart, so naturally I was curious.

The email included an excerpt from the book, and it was like divine intervention from the universe to put this in front of me right now when I am flailing.

I will summarize to the best of my ability. Louise Hay paints the picture of a typical movie fairy tale ending. Girl falls for boy, boy runs away. At the end boy makes a sweeping public declaration that he was wrong and he really does love the girl. All ends well. In our real lives we process this as “He will realize that he loves me and he will come back.” Or “What can I do to change his mind so he sees love?”

It seems positive and uplifting, right? Love! Going after what we want! Instead we are focusing on the lack of love (what have I done wrong?) instead of processing our grief with an open mind and open heart and not attaching to the moment. We’re giving in to manipulation and ultimately disappointment. Ms. Hay offers some affirmations that sum up the positive way to approach heartbreak that are incredibly helpful. My favorite was “a person who loves me is on his way to me.”

We feel so many things after a breakup. The loneliness hurts. We can look at the loneliness and focus on it, and all that does is create more hurt and loneliness. We can feel like it was a waste of time, and we can be angry at that perception. It is important to know with certainty that no relationship is ever a waste of time. People are brought into our lives for a purpose, whether it is to teach us something about loving other people or maybe the lesson is about loving ourself. Or maybe we feel like we are the one that is completely wrong, doing everything wrong and we need to fix ourselves. What a moment to learn to be gentle with who we are. We are not wrong, broken or incomplete.

Relationships come into our lives for different reasons. Some are in our lives to teach us a lesson that we need to learn. That does not mean that every love story is meant to last forever, it only lasts as long as it needs to for the lesson to present itself.

We have to be open to the positive and sometimes we need to be reminded of what the positive looks like. I forget what the positive side is sometimes. I think we all do, and that’s why my friend had nothing to offer me when I felt stuck. She felt stuck, too. All she could see were all the problems I was fighting. So we got stuck in problem mode.

So part of letting go, to answer my own questions and problem that I have raised previous in this blog, is letting go of the problem to allow for the positive. Focus on the positive, and the rest can fall away. I won’t have to convince someone to love me, they will just love me.

What do you think?

Sexy Self Love Time

I said last week I wasn’t going to write about masturbation. But with Valentines Day around the corner and no real prospects, I feel like it was bound to come up eventually. So i have been honest, open, and direct with you my readers about everything else so I think it’s time we talk about some Self Love.

If it makes you less uncomfortable with the topic, because for whatever reason female masturbation seems to be an uncomfortable topic for people, this post was inspired by an article in the Sunday New York Times magazine. The article was about asking if equal partnerships in marriage leads to less sex? It started with a story about a dinner party and the husband brings up porn and the wife gets uncomfortable. I actually thought it was funny, he released tension on Pornhub and she would be on Pinterest.

After I laughed to myself I really wondered why porn is still such an uncomfortable topic for women? Or is just because it’s these women that are over 40 that feel like James Deen is too young to fantasize about? Because although I was never anti-porn, there was some that I enjoyed and some that I just didn’t see the appeal. So I was guaranteed to be turned on, sometimes it was the opposite and I was very turned off. However, when I discovered James Deen it’s almost always a hot turn on. He is God’s gift to women everywhere.

While James Deen is more in the traditional porn industry, with the exception of the porn that he is now filming with almost any woman after the application process, there are other porn outlets for women that want to feel comfortable and turned on. Cindy Gallop is now creating a website that is all about making love, not about the “money shot” or absolute submissiveness that is most common in the porn industry. She started makelovenotporn.tv so that people could submit their own videos of making love and people can subscribe and watch real instances of people having sex, not staged and unrealistic scenarios. Gallop was featured for her work in The New York Times as well, which is where I first heard about her project. She also has a popular TED talk about desire and fetishes. She happens to prefer younger men, and revolutionizes the term Cougar. she teaches these younger men to learn to express themselves sexually and make it safe for women to do the same.

So I have had very low sex drive since my break up until recently. I have had dates and opportunities to take things farther, but strangely I haven’t wanted sex. Maybe it’s because of all this chocolate and lingerie and talk about love that I finally want sex again. Sex, not necessarily a relationship.

There is a difference, and I am ok with that difference. I am not the girl to go around looking for a one night stand at a bar. I am much happier to be alone, I know I wont have to have awkward morning after conversations with myself. I know I will respect myself in the morning. I made a deal with myself a while ago that I would only sleep with someone if I was fully on board. If I had any hesitancy or uncertainty, the deal was off. Sex could wait. I know exactly how to satisfy myself, thankyouverymuch. No help needed. And I always feel worse if I try to pick someone up or go out with the intention to get hit on. Things never go as I imagined, and I don’t feel sexier or more attractive just because some guy flirted with me. It’s pretty meaningless to me at this point. I would much rather be in bed with someone I love and respect- myself. I don’t have sex for an Ego boost, I have sex because I want sex. The motivation is the important factor. If I am looking outward for validation, it will never work. If I just want that physical expression of the body, well that’s a little different.

I decided that I will buy myself some nice lacy lingerie to celebrate Valentines Day and enjoy some sexy time in solidarity with the many other single gals fantasizing about a steamy night with James Deen. And if you have never heard of him before, you’re welcome. Happy Valentines Day to you!