An Ode to the Men of Scotland

Oh Scottish men, how you make me sigh!

You made me want to never say goodbye.

From the beginning my eye was caught

It left me feeling quite fraught.

I had not anticipated your handsome ways,

(nor did I anticipate you would all have baes).

I thought you would be modest and pale

How could I know you would better than kale?!

With your manly beards on your face

I feared I would lose all my grace.

I was impressed with high level of fitness,

It made me want to shout “Can I get a witness!?”

You each had a charming smile and lovely eyes

I could not stop staring despite all my tries.

Your suits were tailored to a perfect fit,

why don’t American men do the same with it?

I could spend all day singing your praises.

But each time one walks by it causes eyebrow raises.

How I wish one of you would propose, so I can stay

To always admire your amazing Scottish ways.

In all seriousness, meeting people in Scotland was one of my favorite things. And flirting was even better.

It does not surprise me that every Scottish man I met had a girlfriend. These girls know what they are doing. Lock down that handsome man that gets his suits tailored and knows how to treat a women well. Yes, Scottish ladies, you get yours.

I was completely unprepared for how handsome Scottish men would be. I was shocked from the first moment I set foot on the street and started to walk into town. These men would be walking towards me and I would take note of how tall they were. And then you realize they are far more fit than you would have thought (all that Scottish ale, why don’t they all have bellies? I guess the older men do, but that’s not so bad). And then the beards. Oh those beards were so manly and rugged but also well-groomed. Those were the ideal beards right there. And yes, many of the men were redheads, which is attractive to me. But many were also brunette. And then you would get very close and you would notice that they all had these clear eyes. They were hypnotizing.

I could not stop staring.

And it doesn’t help that at lunch hour and around 4:30 in the afternoon they would all come out of work in their suits. These suits were all perfectly tailored. They would have on their wonderful leather shoes and their coordinated suits and I would have to stop from turning my head as they walked by.

I had a few drinks purchased for me, I got to make-out with a handsome Italian man, and went to a nightclub for a night of dancing and flirting. So I did ok. I will tell some of those stories with more detail, because they are absolutely worth telling. But this post is to celebrate the men of Scotland and to just publicly thank them all for just existing. They exceeded my expectations.

And I suppose I exceeded my own expectations by showing up with confidence and going with the flow.



Epic Breakups And The Final “Screw You!”

Two weeks ago the Huffington Post wrote about this”epic breakup letter.” I gave it a read, and gave a cheer for the lady that wrote her feelings and let the guy have it. I also wondered why she dated such a dud, but then I remembered I have been there. Many times. So no judgement here.

I used to always be the nice girl, the one that took the high road and didn’t say anything to the jerks because they didn’t deserve any more attention. Until I dated a guy that blocked my number.

I met him at a bar after a boat show. He worked for a company that did repairs on boats and his boss was a French Canadian that was just as excited to get his employee drunk as he was to try to get him laid.

We made out a little bit, but he did not come home with me. I was on a girl’s night and I wasn’t ditching my friend. We set up a lunch date for that week. The lunch date was good, more making out and we set up another date for the next week.

We flirted by text that night. But nothing out of ordinary or offensive. I didn’t talk to him for a few days and dropped him a casual text to say hello. And I got a weird error message.

So I tried again. Same thing. Then I called because I thought it was my phone.

Nope. My number had been BLOCKED.

Say what? This seemed like a completely unreasonable reaction after a date and flirty text conversation.

So either the guy was a total asshole that didn’t want a second date. Or perhaps he was married/engaged/in a serious relationship and the girl found out he was dating someone else.

Whatever the situation was, blocking my number took effort- like logging into your phone account and putting my number in and hitting the block button.

I wasn’t letting this go easily. I waited a day or two and really thought about what I wanted to say. I called from my roommates phone and left a message to say there was no need to block my number. He was obviously so far away from a mature adult I wouldn’t want to waste my time with him. I called him a  douchebag and I hung up.

God that felt good. It was great to let an asshole know he’s an asshole. In case there was any doubt.

What’s your epic breakup story? Have you ever really told someone off? Let’s hear it!