Taking A Leap

Some of the people I admire include Elizabeth Gilbert (of Eat, Pray, Love fame) and Cheryl Strayed (writer of Wild). I love their boldness and their honesty. When Ir had their writing, it seems like I know these women. Maybe because I recognize a little bit of myself in them.

I have never done the things they have done. I’ve never been married and suffered through a divorce. I’ve never had a drug problem. And yet there is something relatable about these women that went through hell.

We have all been through hell. Right? We all have our stories and our baggage. We know that life has ebbs and flows and that we have to push through those rough patches to get to the other side. We all turn to something in those times – whether it is prayer to God or to substances or to relationships that don’t serve us. Yeah, I’ve done that.

These two writers speak to me at a gut level. A level that says “I know you and I see you. I am you.” There is a part of me that is just like them, and I think that is why I love their words so damn much.

When I go through a breakup I re-watch the Eat, Pray, Love movie with Julia Roberts on nightly repeat. I find comfort in different parts of that movie depending on where I am on a particular day. Maybe I need to solace of the moments at the Ashram in India and I need to heard Richard from Texas’s wise words. Maybe I need to know that it is ok that things don’t work out with the hunky younger guy and we need to be ok with letting go. I need to know making mistakes is part of the game. Sometimes I need to know that people get a hunkier, older and wiser guy in the end. Whatever it is, I need the comfort.

And Cheryl Strayed’s book Tiny Beautiful Things is my forever book. It is the book I travel with. It is the book that I can open to any random page and read and re-read over and over and I will always feel comforted. I bought a book of quotes from her books that was signed by Cheryl Strayed herself because I wanted a shortcut to some of her written wisdom. And it felt really good. It’s a nice book.

My point is that these are stories of courage, adventure, risking everything and coming out ok on the other side. Stories of growth and travel and heartbreak and healing.

And I am having an itching feeling that I am on the verge of my own. I am having a nagging feeling that I need to let go of my apartment. I don’t know what that’s about. I don’t know why. I don’t even have a plan of where I would live if I got rid of my apartment. The answer that comes back is sort of a shrug – “Wherever. On the road.”

This is insanity.

And yet it’s not. I have also felt called to quit my job. So if I didn’t have the day job I wouldn’t have to worry about paying that monthly rent. And I have a few events in California in October and November so I was thinking about just staying out there for a few weeks.

And I would really prefer to not be here for the Baltimore winter again. I was thinking about going to Costa Rica. I could just make that a longer trip. There are a few travel things cooking in the back of my mind that seem like they would be really nice if I just extended and settled in.

Why not? I don’t have anyone to report to, I don’t have anywhere to be necessarily.

What if this is my own adventure story? What if this evolves into something else? (as all things in life tend to do) Even if it is a disaster, I will have my own story to tell. And I can always get another apartment and another job. Those things are around and available.

The fear is the thing that holds me back. But at least I can see that it is fear, and not truth. Those are two different things.

Thank you for reading through my thought process. It’s still evolving, and this is a space that helps me to do that.

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