After my breakup in the winter, I knew I had to act fast to keep myself out of depression. As a little context, winter months are always particularly tough and I have a tendency to get some seasonal disorder. I had even had the conversation with this guy as we went into January. I told him I will probably be feeling particularly blue and to not let me make any major life changes until April.
They say when we make plans, God laughs. I see the joke, and it is a seriously twisted sense of humor.
I decided I was going to give myself something to look forward to. I wanted to feel feminine and pretty. I wanted to celebrate my body, which is curvier than it has been in a long time. I decided to invest in a boudoir photo shoot for myself. There is no better time.
I found a deal on Groupon and I am so glad I did. The company is called Three Boudoir, and right now they do photos in very select cities. I remember going through the galleries and thinking how happy these women look. How comfortable. How SEXY. And not in a cheesy posed kind of way that seems forced. They seemed like they were owning the sexy from within.
Dare I say it… it was like all these women were channeling their inner Beyonce.
So I booked a session for two months later and added on the makeup application because I am pretty clueless when it comes to that kind of thing.And strangely I didn’t feel all that nervous.
The day arrived. I took the day off from work. I’m fairly certain I blushed when I lied and told my boss I was going to DC to visit a friend that was here from out of town. I took a long, leisurely morning to get ready by painting my nails and moisturizing and loving every inch of my body. I took extra time to do my hair, despite the downpour that was happening outside. We can only control so much…
When I arrived, I was brought into makeup and that’s when I really began to feel pampered.I’m not used to fake lashes and liquid liner and shimmer. But it sure was fun.
And then they began to prep me for the shoot. I met my team. There was a photographer and what I will call a Stylist or a I’m-Gonna-Make-You-Look-Awesome Expert. But honestly, they both fed off of my energy and each other’s and it really felt like we were all in it together.
They made me feel like one of their best friend instantly. Despite the fact that I can’t remember the last time I was in panties and a bra in front of my friends. Or just a thong.
I will be honest, I went through phases of being comfortable. I spent a majority of the time in just a black thong because I really wanted to highlight my legs and back, features that I love. But every once in awhile you realize “my boobs are just… there.”
And it reminds me how much we women are uncomfortable in our own bodies. I wanted to confront that and embrace it and be all hanging out. Some poses were more awkward than others and sometimes it was a challenge to hold my tummy tight while popping my booty. But that made us all laugh which leads to more great pictures.
I laughed a lot and I left feeling like a rockstar. I left my makeup on even though it was way heavier than I was used to wearing. That glow of confidence is still with me, especially when I look at the pictures.
It was easily the best money I had spent in a long time. I would do it again in a heart beat. It has confronted some of my body hangups and now when I find myself self-hating I turn it to a laugh and remember how awesome my body is.
And I realized that one of the things we get hung up on is how we think other people think of us. And being mostly naked in front of two hot women (in my opinion!) and they embraced it and even celebrated it with me was incredibly empowering. It let me know that as long as I feel good everyone else feels good around me. My energy will feed theirs.
We should worry less, and celebrate more. That’s a New Year’s resolution I plan to keep.
And now, the photo I am most proud of. I was inspired by a photo on a woman’s blog, and maybe it will help you as well.