I will say this. Kudos to Mark Manson for writing a brilliantly viral post that has all the dating blogoshpere talking. If you haven’t read it, first consider yourself lucky that your friends aren’t the type to send email that say “Read this” in the subject line.
Second, let me summarize the article. It’s well written so my short summary won’t do it complete justice. Basically, he writes that there is a lot of ambiguity in dating these days. Feelings aren’t clear, there isn’t a courtship period like there used to be. He argues that two people shouldn’t have sex unless the answer is “Fuck yes” for both parties.
Where his article gets a little murky is that anything less than a fuck yes is a fuck no, and you should walk away. The reason this is a bit murky is because all those shades of gray under fuck yes don’t always mean a fuck no. Perhaps a “not yet” is more accurate.
Sometimes it does take time and getting to know someone to be really attracted to someone. Sometimes the reasons why you go on that next date isn’t clear, and the reasons unfold slowly and unexpectedly.
The Fuck Yes Law doesn’t leave any room for ambiguity, on purpose, but that’s where it fails. I think men can see things like sex a little more in black and white, but sometimes women need to go through the gray area before they can get to the clarity of fuck yes or fuck no.
I do think that I will never have sex with someone unless the answer is a fuck yes. There should be no hesitation, no doubt.
What he doesn’t explore is the effects that the feminism movement has had on sex for women. And I don’t just mean this recent surge of celebrities coming out as feminists. I mean the sexual revolution for women that has been happening for years. For years we have fought to not be called sluts if we enjoy sex. We wanted to be able to have the power to sleep with who we want when we want for whatever reason we want.
However, I do think that has contributed somewhat to men getting lazy in relationships. I think men caught on to our “3 date rule.” They get by on those three dates and expect sex at the end.
Let me be clear that not all men are like this. When I say men or guys I mean most or many. Not all. The bulk majority that I have dated.
Women feel empowered by the decision making they now have about sex. And I can’t speak for everyone but I usually don’t get to a third date with someone I’m not attracted to. But in my book that doesn’t guarantee anything. I don’t follow any rules (which perhaps will have to be another post because there is a good and bad side to that).
However, Manson’s idea that the answer should be “fuck yes” for both parties does take the guesswork out of it. It shouldn’t be for obligation, or boredom, or manipulation. It should be two consenting adults that can’t imagine anything else.
What do you think? Did you read the article, and what was your reaction?