I have written and rewritten this post because I can’t find the right way to express this without sounding harsh and mean. And I’m not harsh and mean. If you’ve been reading this blog for a while I hope you figured that out about me.
But saying that I don’t want to be friends with someone anymore sounds really harsh and mean.
To be honest, I feel like I have completely outgrown this person. Our friendship was mostly built upon talking about men and our relationships or crushes or our sexual conquests. It was nice having someone may age that I could relate to, we saw these things similarly. We are both very independent and had progressive opinions about relationships.
But now our relationship is based on me comforting her every other month when she is dumped by her boyfriend and then they get back together. I came to the difficult realization that I have out grown a friend, and I have absolutely no interest in maintaining this friendship. But I have no idea how do go about breaking up with a friend. Especially one that keeps in touch regularly.
As a side note, have you ever noticed how people you want to hang out with never text but the ones you don’t care about hanging out with you text all the time? It’s like dating!
And I am not saying this lightly. I like being social with groups of friends, she is even convenient because she lives nearby and she shares some of my artistic interests. But conversation with her is infuriating because I noticed she is very defensive or argumentative. I’m not argumentative and I am more likely to just agree with her just to prevent arguing.
I tried thinking that I get aggravated by this relationship because it is trying to make me grow and change. Which is still possible. They say when we feel aggravated by something it’s because it is affecting change. Think of a grain of sand in an oyster, eventually it becomes a pearl. I think that I needed someone to talk to about my last relationship that understood what I was going through.
But now all we talk about is boys. Somehow she can steer any conversation back to relationships, sex, dating, and sexual tension between her and fill-in-the-blank.
But when things went down and things ended in my last relationship, I didn’t want to talk to her about it. She didn’t call me to hang out when I was going through the breakup so I didn’t tell her until weeks later. I just didn’t want to hear her opinion, I didn’t need her for comfort or to be my wing woman.
I didn’t turn to her at a time when I really needed a support network. That was all the proof I needed. I didn’t need her as a friend.
So how does one go about breaking up with a friend? I’ve never had to do this before. It’s always just faded away. Someone stops calling the other person and you stop making the effort to catch up over coffee.
But she keeps asking to hang out. I’ve tried to keep it casual and sporadic. But it just led me to getting completely frustrated. And the last time she texted a week ago, I just forgot to respond.
The way I feel around her is not how I want to feel in my life. Like I can’t be myself, like there is only one subject to talk about, like her opinion is the only one that counts.
So how do I go about ending a friendship? Have you ever had to do this? Any advice?