I like interior design metaphors. They make a lot of sense in my head and visuals make things clearer for me. Obviously. It also probably explains my recent Pinterest kick.
So as I was reading Danielle LaPorte’s new post about ending relationships I had a strong visual come to mind.
Danielle LaPorte titled her post “Destroy before you create.” Close the door. End it. Torch it. Start fresh. From her days as an interior designer, she knew the only way to redesign a room was to start completely fresh. Remove what was there and make a blank canvas. Here is my favorite passage:
Before you give your heart away… (and I hope you give your heart away,) cut-cut-cut the cords from your old lover, nuke your expired hopes (they are holding you back), erase your broken yesterday from your story. Gut the pain. Have adream funeral.”
It was a major ah-ha moment for me. I always struggled with moving on. Letting go has never been my strong suit with anything. I have always thought I could force or manipulate things to become what I want. I know that’s not true. How can you build something new on an old foundation of old hopes and dreams?
For the guys that I really liked, I tend to remember those really good things. I hang on to the potential. What could have been if things had just been a little bit different. Maybe if he hadn’t been such a workaholic. Or maybe if I was a little bit cooler. What if I fought harder to make it work, be more of what he wanted. All those what ifs that feel unresolved. Those things that were so right, how could it be wrong.
I need to see the reality. See the people for who they are. Nice guys that chose to leave, that chose to not be a part of my life anymore. And if I am really being honest, I didn’t see them as the love of my life either. There wasn’t that gut feeling that this was it, or that he was treating me the way I wanted to be treated.
Of course there are feelings left over, feelings that I care for some of these guys. A spark that we’re attracted to each other. That’s natural. I wouldn’t have dated these guys if there hadn’t been something there from the beginning. That will go away eventually, or at least I learn to see it for what it is- attraction without substance.
So it is time to burn those old hopes down. Torch them, get rid of it because it is nothing worth going back to. There is too much opportunity and potential out in front of me.
Empty the room. Get rid of all the old, clear it out. Pull it out into the light and evaluate what has value and lose the rest. Nothing comes into my space that doesn’t have value and meaning for me and my life moving forward. The past is nothing but a memory, it has no purpose in my space. Get rid of the old to make room for the new.
And I would so much rather have space in anticipation of the perfect fit than keep it cluttered and filled with the wrong stuff. Space has potential. Space has hope.