The Valley Of Despair

Don’t worry, I am no longer in the Valley of Despair. Just wanted to be clear and get that out of the way.

About a week after the breakup I just felt really low. I knew that the breakup was the right thing but I couldn’t stop wondering “Why didn’t he pick me? What is wrong with me? Will I ever find anyone that loves me, that chooses me, that wants me in his life? Will I ever find anyone that understands me the way he did?”

Besides my woes over the breakup, I also felt like I was struggling at work. The one thing that has been an absolute joy in my life, the thing that challenged me, that kept me busy and on my toes. And I loved every minute. Until I felt like I had let things slip through the cracks.

I called my best friend, like you do in these times. We went out for a glass of wine so we could talk in person, I really wanted the company. I cried a little at the bar, it was the total of all the problems I was facing and I couldn’t stop it from coming out of my eyeballs.

She rubbed my arm in that comforting way and said “You’re just in the Valley of Despair.”

It sounded so dramatic that I couldn’t help but laugh and sarcastically thank her.

Then she explained the Valley of Despair. She said no one is there permanently, it’s just a short stay. Sometimes it can feel longer because parts of getting in and out of the Valley are pretty low too. But in every life we have peaks and valleys and we all go through it. Sometimes you’re up, and sometimes you are down at the bottom. But one always comes out again.

Somehow, hearing this made me feel better. I was just going through a phase, something that would be temporary, and everyone goes through it! As if I needed the reinforcement, I found a handy-dandy chart on Pinterest!



Yeah, that pretty much summed it up. There was something comforting knowing that it would be temporary. I’m lucky that it was short and exactly by the book. I’m still on the upswing, I don’t think I’ve gone through all those steps yet. I am probably somewhere in the “new” phases, perhaps hope is starting to sneak in there, too.

The Valley of Despair is brief. Mine was very short, but I think I grieved that relationship for a while before it was actually over. I was ready for it, I had already started bolstering myself with breakup songs and meeting new people. Maybe because last time I was so caught off guard that I ignored the beginning of the end last time, and I refused to do that again. Maybe I jumped ship before it was really early and I shouldn’t have given up.

Meh, what can you do? I know that when it’s the right guy there is nothing I can do to mess it up. The right guy won’t be pushed away so easily. The right guy won’t make me wonder how he feels or make me feel like crying. The right guy will have no reason to put me through the stages of grief.

There is no reason to be hung up on a guy that isn’t the right guy, the one that chose to leave and walk away. I just need to keep walking, keep marching my way out of the Valley because new things are ahead of me. There are better things on the horizon, I just need to get out of the Valley first. It’s hard to see people when you are so low, down there!




6 thoughts on “The Valley Of Despair

  1. Loved the chart! Funny (and scary!) to realize that I am actually all over the place three months after the breakup.
    The first weeks were definitely on the left-had-side of it, now I could be on any point of that “bell” depending on what time of the day you are asking me 🙂
    However, on the bright side, this also means that I am starting to venture on the right-hand-side! Great post!

    • I like visuals. They help me. I like being able to check things off and say “Yeah, I know what that feels like, I’ve definitely moved past that phase, etc.” Like my mom always says “all things are healed in time” and “this too shall pass.” I love/hate when she’s right.

  2. Thank you for saying,” There is no reason to be hung up on a guy that isn’t the right guy.” It spoke to me this morning.
    I am still in this questioning and disbelief stage where I replay his broken promises in my head. And we aren’t officially over, that is an interesting dynamic. He is the first ex I have lingered with after we broke up. And I realized this weekend that I need to really break up with him. The going back and forth and rehashing and connecting again and then retreating it draining me. Thanks for your thoughts, it helped me.

  3. Well right about the right guy who chose to leave and he won’t put you through grief. Although about chart i won’t say much. Cause I am on 2-3 stages of that chart at same time :D. But ya I’ll say one thing apart from this post or all other posts, that these are all your feelings or rather feeling of any girl or for girls may be but have you ever given thought how a guy would go through when he has a break up with girl. I mean what if guy still loves girl but girl doesn’t want him in her life anymore. May be that side of guys should be explored by girls too. Anyways it was good post. So i will say always..keep posting whatever you feel like sharing. Good to have your support. 🙂

  4. Pingback: Let It Burn | Single Gal Starting Over

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