Don’t worry, I am no longer in the Valley of Despair. Just wanted to be clear and get that out of the way.
About a week after the breakup I just felt really low. I knew that the breakup was the right thing but I couldn’t stop wondering “Why didn’t he pick me? What is wrong with me? Will I ever find anyone that loves me, that chooses me, that wants me in his life? Will I ever find anyone that understands me the way he did?”
Besides my woes over the breakup, I also felt like I was struggling at work. The one thing that has been an absolute joy in my life, the thing that challenged me, that kept me busy and on my toes. And I loved every minute. Until I felt like I had let things slip through the cracks.
I called my best friend, like you do in these times. We went out for a glass of wine so we could talk in person, I really wanted the company. I cried a little at the bar, it was the total of all the problems I was facing and I couldn’t stop it from coming out of my eyeballs.
She rubbed my arm in that comforting way and said “You’re just in the Valley of Despair.”
It sounded so dramatic that I couldn’t help but laugh and sarcastically thank her.
Then she explained the Valley of Despair. She said no one is there permanently, it’s just a short stay. Sometimes it can feel longer because parts of getting in and out of the Valley are pretty low too. But in every life we have peaks and valleys and we all go through it. Sometimes you’re up, and sometimes you are down at the bottom. But one always comes out again.
Somehow, hearing this made me feel better. I was just going through a phase, something that would be temporary, and everyone goes through it! As if I needed the reinforcement, I found a handy-dandy chart on Pinterest!
Yeah, that pretty much summed it up. There was something comforting knowing that it would be temporary. I’m lucky that it was short and exactly by the book. I’m still on the upswing, I don’t think I’ve gone through all those steps yet. I am probably somewhere in the “new” phases, perhaps hope is starting to sneak in there, too.
The Valley of Despair is brief. Mine was very short, but I think I grieved that relationship for a while before it was actually over. I was ready for it, I had already started bolstering myself with breakup songs and meeting new people. Maybe because last time I was so caught off guard that I ignored the beginning of the end last time, and I refused to do that again. Maybe I jumped ship before it was really early and I shouldn’t have given up.
Meh, what can you do? I know that when it’s the right guy there is nothing I can do to mess it up. The right guy won’t be pushed away so easily. The right guy won’t make me wonder how he feels or make me feel like crying. The right guy will have no reason to put me through the stages of grief.
There is no reason to be hung up on a guy that isn’t the right guy, the one that chose to leave and walk away. I just need to keep walking, keep marching my way out of the Valley because new things are ahead of me. There are better things on the horizon, I just need to get out of the Valley first. It’s hard to see people when you are so low, down there!