The Friends That Choose To Not Say I Told You So

I was re-watching Eat Pray Love. It’s what I do when I am feeling a little emotionally distressed. And by emotionally distressed I just mean that right now I am going through that all-too familiar roller coaster that happens after a break up. Many more downs than ups right now. But it will end soon.

While in India her friend Richard from Texas tells her you have to choose your thoughts the way you choose your clothes in the morning. I have to strongly agree, and I know it is a practice that takes time. I believe you not only choose your thoughts but you have the power to choose who is in your life and to what extent you allow them in.

Thoughts have a lot of power. Before there is any action, there is thought. There is nothing that we do in our life that does not begin with a thought. And I believe our thoughts do send signals into the universe. They attract like magnets. So we must be careful what we choose for our thoughts. It could turn into an action or it could attract something to you.

Unfortunately I don’t think I always choose wisely.

I had a few friends that knew from the beginning that I didn’t really want this relationship, I wasn’t as happy as someone that was head over heels in love. I wasn’t letting myself fall fully the way someone does when they really like someone at the beginning of a relationship. I didn’t light up a room at the mention of his name.

One of my friends very bluntly brought this to my attention. And of course I rejected this. She was crazy. I had moments where I would light up. And I was completely smitten when he was around and in a happy bubble of just he and I.

But ultimately she was right. And she wasn’t the only one who tried to tell me, some more gently than others, that this wasn’t what I really wanted. I seemed too unsettled, too uncertain, too sad.

I heard them. I was upset by what they said, and I wasn’t ready to fully embrace it as a truth.

So what did I do? Instead of listening to the friends that knew me best, I stopped talking to them as much about my relationship. I told a few people about the relationship, but mostly I stopped talking about it.

Instead of choosing a relationship that made me happiest, I chose to shut out my friends from an important part of my life. Thank god they love me and know these things go in cycles. I come around eventually.

So here I am, the relationship has ended and of course I turn to my friends because that’s what girls do. And they listen to me, and console me, and let me cry if I need to. They remind me I am loved, I am worthy, I am living a full and lovely life. Never once do they say I told you so. I am sure they say it to each other behind my back, and that’s ok. It is called for because they were absolutely right.

So maybe at the time I really didn’t want to hear what they had to say and right now I need to hear words of comfort. Perhaps that is the mark of one type of good friend. There are the friends that tell you what you want to hear, but sometimes this isn’t what you really need. There are the types of friends that tell you what you need to hear. It is not what I always like to hear.

And what no one ever needs to hear is “I told you so.” Thank goodness my friends know this. Even if sometimes they tell me unpleasant news.


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