Sometimes music unnerves the soul. It rattles things and makes it all feel jumbled around.
You know how often we hear songs and we insist that they are describing exactly what we are going through in our lives? I get that all the time, I love listening to music and listening to the words that the songwriter chose. And god I love when a singer can really inflect their own emotion and passion into the song.
I spent few weeks listening to a dear friend sing this Amy Mann song (video below) and I managed to hold it together without getting emotional or crying or reflecting deeply on my life and my relationships.
And the lyrics feel like they were written for the predicament I found myself in during those few weeks. I was dating a total amateur. He was younger. He was careless and selfish. And yet I hoped for the best. I hoped he would be bigger than himself and that he would surprise me.
But he didn’t.
He was utterly predictable. He was, and is still, an amateur.
Maybe I am a little angry. Angry at him for disappointing me in my expectation that he could possibly be more that he really was. Angry at myself for an unrealistic expectation of another person that I knew so well.
So the lesson I learned here? People are exactly who they are. There are no surprises. When you really know someone, you actually do know that person and that won’t change. An amateur doesn’t become a pro overnight, there are years of practice. Sometimes you’re the one the amateur practices on (and gosh that sucks. It’s years of hearing guys tell you that they’re not ready for commitment and then suddenly they propose to the next woman they date.)
Today, I am angry. There might be some anger tied up in the fact that I did a video post and I can’t manage to get the damn thing to upload. Hopefully I figure it out, it has a wonderful revelation in the 4th quarter. I can’t wait to share it with you.