Sometimes we put ourselves out there. Sometimes the universe smiles and it rewards us and w get exactly what we dreamed for. Sometimes it crushes us and we get rejected.
And sometimes we get met with utter confusion and horrible timing.
I decided to really put myself out there. Make the Grand Gesture for a guy. I examined the cons and the pros, and there were really no cons.
The only one would be that this dude and his roommate would think I am crazy. I was completely willing to sacrifice that since if that’s what they think I would never see them again.
He’s super busy, I’m super busy. I went to an event tonight where he works. It was my mom’s birthday present, her choice not mine. A few people asked if I would see this guy. I couldn’t help but wonder.
It wasn’t until I felt disappointed when I found out he wasn’t working that I realized I was looking forward to seeing him.
So I pushed it aside and I made sure my mom had fun. Even though it was an event that really wasn’t my gig, mom wanted to be there so we made the most of it.
At the end, I decided I would go to his apartment and say hello. This was it, I was going to make a move and show him that I wanted to strike up… something. Maybe there was something between us. That spark I felt last time couldn’t have just been one sided.
I drove down the street that led to where he lived. It was so foggy that the nostalgia competed in thickness. My heart pounded. I turned down his street, peered down the alley to see if I saw his car. There was that familiar white car.
I saw this weird guy creeping, staring at me. I decided to play it safe and circle the block. His door was in an alley, I wasn’t taking any chances.
Was this my sign to give up before I lost my appearance of cool? No, couldn’t be.
I went back and parked. I looked in the window and the lights were off but the TV was on. I rang the bell. Nothing. I didn’t hear it so maybe it was disconnected. I knocked. I held my breath when I heard a voice quiet the dog. His roommate answered. I asked for him. Pause.
Face of complete confusion. And embarrassment- for me.
“He moved. He’s gone.”
“Oh! Ok, no big deal. I just ran into him about two months ago and he said he was still here so…”
“Oh. Yeah. Well he moved out this past weekend.”
As is, two days ago.
Sometimes the universe conspires in your favor. Actually I believe the universe always conspires in your favor, just sometimes you don’t get what you want. You get what you need. (Thanks, Stones!)
And sometimes you are the butt of the universe’s joke.
You think you’re putting yourself out there for a guy? You think you know best? Ha HA! You DON’T! Because he MOVED! Two days ago!
Really, I was ready for rejection and I was ready for a happy ending. I wasn’t ready for him to not be there at all.
Sometimes that happens. It’s the sign that you can’t force things into being. Things come in their own time. In their own way. We don’t always know how or why or when.
I guess I had hoped for something easy. Something where the guy really did want me. Where I would just show a little interest and say I was ready and it would all fall into place just because I said so. I wanted easy. I wanted someone to look at me like that, the way he looked at me seemed so uncomplicated at the time.
Says the girl who waited two months to act on that look about the guy who did nothing after that look.
So that didn’t work out. A very clear signal from the universe that I need to just have faith and the right guy will come when it’s the right time. Or at least a very clear message from the universe that this is not my guy.
So I guess I ride off into the sunset as this episode of my life ends, and as the credits are about to play we hear the beginning strains of that song that makes me dance and laugh at the same time… So until the next episode where I may or may not make a total fool of myself, enjoy the Dixie Chicks, and what turns out to be my theme song for the week.