Have you ever wondered what would happen if you stopped trying all together? Just gave up the game and decided to not do anything until the other person made an effort.
And I don’t mean this as a game. I don’t mean it as power.
I mean it in a way that just says I am tired. I am tired of trying so hard.
I am tired of thinking through every message, to make sure I am saying just the right thing. Texting is exhausting that way. When we had conversations over the phone people could just say what was on their mind. But now with texting, there are 800 things to consider. Is my message clear? Can be be misread so I sound crazy? When should I send it, how long should I wait?
What if I just stopped all together?
I hate that I already know the answer to this.
I went away this past weekend for a wedding. It was in the mountains and I had no cell reception. So when I came down from the mountain, I thought I would have been flooded with texts and pictures from the festivities that were happening in the Baltimore area. And it was just radio silence. Not even anything from my mother.
So what do we learn? I stop trying and no one tries to get me. No one tries enough to make an effort.
So do I take that as a sign? Do I take it that people just aren’t interested?
I find it to be such a weird balance in my life. I find that many of my friends assume I am busy most of the time. They assume I am working on a play or out and about. So I rarely hear from them unless I reach out. I’ve been hearing from them more often as we all get older and all of our lives have pulled us into our own priorities. My best friends do reach out when they feel like they haven’t heard from me in a while.
One of my friends has a communication rule that makes sense in theory. She says if it’s a guy she wants to take seriously she plays it cool and makes him do the work. If it’s just someone that she wants to hang out with than she has no problem asking him out and texting more often. Sure,this makes sense. In theory.
But when even my closest friends don’t really reach out, I feel like I need to at least have to let people know when I am free. So I do. I ask for what I want when I want it because otherwise people will have no way of knowing. I don’t exactly have a normal schedule so it makes it hard for anyone to hang out.
I normally take the reins. And when I do it with a guy, I guess it comes out all wrong.
It is probably rare and a tough pill to swallow when someone like me comes along. I am not only busy and living my own life without needing anyone in my life, but I am strong, confident, smart and a little neurotic. Most men don’t know what to do with me.
So good riddance, right?
But it feels so much harder than that. Like I have to do the exact right things to put my best foot forward to make sure the guy has a real chance to get to know me. Because if you get to know me, you obviously will want to stick around.
But all this effort is exhausting. Maybe I just stop and hope for the best. Maybe it will happen on its own.
What are your thoughts? Do I sit back and wait and do nothing? Do I continue to be myself and put myself out there? Or is that a little crazy?