We Are Really All The Same

I enjoy taking mental health breaks for my brain by reading thefrisky.com. I catch up on  my celebrity gossip, I read about other people’s dating lives, and get fashion tips and all other sources of fun.

Yesterday I read an article from one of their bloggers in a series called Dater X. I don’t read the column regularly but when I read the headline “The Two Month Curse Strikes Again” I knew I had found a kindred spirit.

I too suffer from a two month curse. And I thought it meant I was defective.

I mean, who can’t hold on to a relationship for longer than just a couple of months? What kind of person can’t get past the honeymoon phase of a relationship?

I was watching people all around me have these great relationships. Or maybe not even great, but at least they’d make it to 6 months or a year. A relationship with someone that you enjoy through all the major holidays, birthdays, etc.

My friend and I had a long heart to heart while taking a walk by the water. We talked about how she and I just don’t date like most people we know. For better or worse, we don’t settle. We seek connection and passion and refuse to fake it just to have someone by our side for a major national holiday.

But that isn’t the point of what I wanted to write about.

So when I read this article, the story seemed all too familiar. She wrote both sides of their conversation. And yes, at least her guy had the courtesy to have a face to face conversation. Most men I date tend to end things over the phone or by text.

His words to her are what I have heard time and time again at the end of my relationships. “I liked you, but things have changes. I don’t feel the same anymore, the more time we spend together I realize we’re not compatible.”

Ugh. That is a punch in the gut.

Sure, no one wants to waste their time with someone that they don’t see a future with.   Sometimes people just aren’t compatible for something for the long term. And it takes two people that are really aware of who they are to bring their full selves to the table early on in a relationship and to realize when it’s not working.

But does it really take two months?!

He told her that he was crazy about her for the first month. But did she change? Did he see compatibility in the first month? And then? Does it take that long for someone to see it? Or was it because it took a little time to see past the excitement of first kiss, first dates, first time sleeping together.

And she asked the typical question that women always ask “Did I do something wrong?”

I think that speaks volumes in the psychology of women. We women assume that we did something wrong. We must’ve because everything seemed fine from where we’re standing. So something we did must have changed his feelings.

But I don’t know many men that do the same. Or, on second thought, maybe there are some that do.

I was thinking that perhaps this relates to The Confidence Code, which I am reading about women and confidence. We don’t always have the confidence built in to stand tall and say unapologetically that I am who I am and if you’re not ok with that then you can go and it is ok. No, we assume that we did something wrong to cause the trouble.

But maybe that isn’t necessarily a female reaction, but a human one. If things shift suddenly, maybe both men and women react by thinking that the sudden change was brought on by something we did. Because we don’t see how we are any different from the first month.

I wish I had an answer about why things play out like this. Why do we all follow the same script when we break up with someone.

I wish I knew why it takes someone two months instead of two dates to decided two people aren’t compatible. But I suppose that’s the way the cookie crumbles.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s