I wish I was more interesting sometimes. Sometimes I feel like I may be less interesting to other people because I am genuinely interested in talking about and understanding how relationships work.
Sometimes I compare myself to others (I know, I should take my own advice) and think “Wow, she is so smart. I wish I thought about that kind of a topic.” I have this brilliant friend. She is feisty and sassy and so much fun. But she can throw down on big thoughtful worldly topics that just don’t cross my mind at first for conversation topics.
And when it comes to relationships, she has some really deep connections with her friends, her coworkers and the men in her life. She commands attentions.
But I should also say that it’s not like her life is perfect, her relationship situation isn’t any more figured out than anyone else I know.
So I’m not saying she’s perfect or that she’s figured it all out.
I just wish my brain worked that way sometimes. And I think she is absolutely awesome and I completely respect her.
But my brain doesn’t. My brain is fascinated with how people interact, how they relate, how they behave together, how do people fall in love, why they fall in love, why they fall out of love. How do people cope with all the emotions that come with being with another person.
Each person is different, everyone needs different things and wants different things and expresses all that differently.
I am fascinated by that.
I was out with a friend that gave me advice to never get married. I am curious about his experiences and what his logic is to suggest that. I have never really made my mind up one way or another so it’s not like I’m committed to a decision. Which is maybe what makes me even more curious.
It’s my go-to subject when I am out with a friend. I like to talk about my experiences and theirs and I like to analyze it all. They are some of the TED talks that I have listened to the most.
I want to understand it all. I want to hear all the stories.
Maybe I think if I understand it then I will have deeper, more meaningful relationships myself. I don’t know if that’s true or not. I feel like I am more patient and compassionate and understanding.
Whenever I am feeling uncertain or shaky about relationships I re-watch Eat, Pray, Love. I know it’s cheesy, but it reminds me of some zen thinking. Like the importance of letting go, it’s ok to love and lose and to miss the person, and that life goes on. And man, does it ever turn on my wanderlust.
It’s just my go-to movie for a little boost. I love her view on love and relationships. It is flawed. And it embraces the flaws as the teachers of life and then it shares the lessons.
This is the stuff that makes me tick. Maybe it’s why I enjoy writing here so much. Maybe it’s why I started.
Maybe it’s why I have so many failed relationships. It gives me more material.
I guess every person has their own interests. And this is mine. For better or worse.