Agamy. Pronounced Ag-uh-mee. It is the state or quality of being unmarried. It can also refer to aversion to the institution of marriage.
What a perfect word for a single gal during wedding season. We’re not just single, we have our own gamy like those people dealing with monogamy or polygamy. We singles that are happy to not catch your bouquet are agamists.
I only have two weddings this year. It’s about average for me to have two a year now, but one summer I had seven. Seven. Weddings. In one wedding season.
And I was completely single that year so the only time I was given a plus one I didn’t have a date until days before.
Two were family weddings. I was a bridesmaid in two of them. I hooked up with two wedding guests. (nothing to brag about, but I had so few options at family weddings and small tiny weddings with friends from college. And one was the plus one, so if I didn’t get a hookup that night I did something completely wrong.)
Weddings can be really fun. They can also be depressing. Many of the weddings I have attended over the years seat me at a table of all my friends. All my friends that are in long term relationships. I am delighted for them, that they found love. But it’s hard to go to a wedding as a single woman and be surrounded by a ton of happy lovey-dovey couples.
So sometimes it feels good to have a girl friend as a great wedding date, and wing woman. At least you know you will have fun, you will have someone to dance like crazy with, and you have a DD.
But I have spent many weddings, without the Plus One, and I’ve been terribly alone. I smile and celebrate the couple. And I hear from all my old friends that I haven’t seen in a while, and they update me on their new boyfriend/fiancee/child (and of course they got the plus one because they are in a serious, committed relationship. And me, no commitment in sight so no one thinks of giving me a plus one).
And I am happy for them. I am.
It’s just a moment that reminds me how far I am from that.
It’s not about them, it’s about the feeling of loneliness. Even if I am dating someone when I go to these weddings and I hear the stories and I see how happy everyone is, I feel like where I am right now is no where close to that.
Also, on the flip side of all of that, I call bullshit.
I think all these couples get extra gooey at weddings.
Weddings remind them of their own wedding, or the potential of the wedding, and they feel a temporary high. Like the high when you first kiss, first say I love you, first time having sex. And that commitment ceremony reminds them of all that.
And what do we get? The bouquet.
And what do we want? Probably just someone awesome to ask us to dance, compliment the effort we put into looking pretty. I don’t even set my sights so high as to look to get laid. (For the record, I have only ever hooked up because of a wedding once. The odds are horrible for a woman to pick up a guy! It’s so much easier for those few single dudes to pick up a girl. So unfair.)
Wait. I take that back. I did hookup at a second wedding because I invited a guy that we met at the bachelorette party. It was like shooting fish in a barrel. I promise to tell that story later, it’s a great one.
So the year of the Seven Weddings, I was a bridesmaid twice, read a poem during a ceremony, hooked up
once twice, danced my ass off, and caught one bouquet.
And that was the one year I didn’t care. I wasn’t looking for a relationship. I didn’t want anything other the joy of living my life my own way and not having anyone else to report to. The last thing I wanted was the tradition of being the next one to get married.
Often, I enjoy agamy. I love my single life.
But, right now, monogamy is looking pretty good. Maybe because I’ve met someone that I like enough to actually say that. I guess we’ll see where it goes.