Sometimes we try to be something other than our true self, maybe I do this because I want to be liked or I am afraid that if they see the real me they will be scared. I sometimes hide my true self.
This may be hard for me to grasp sometimes, but I have to remember my own inner power. I have to remember to “shine because I have to.”
There will be people that shine a little more because I do. There are people that will like my shine and want to be around it. And there are people that won’t.
And these things can change. They won’t be constant, necessarily. maybe they will, but with most of my long term friendships I have gone through those phases where there is a period that you might not like them very much. But then it blows over and all is well.
Part of what gets me anxious in relationships, and causes a lot of the jealousy that I’ve been working through lately, can be dissipated if I let go of my attachment to a specific person. “But I want THAT person to like me.”
Here’s the thing with relationships with other people. We can want something- we can want them in our lives, we can want them to be the one, we can want them to change into the person we see they have the potential to be.
We can want all day long, until we’re blue in the face.
It doesn’t change what is.
Maybe this is why Eastern philosophy teaches about detachment and letting go.
Maybe that’s why it’s so important in meditation and new age philosophies to let go, go with the flow.
When we let go of our expectations for other people, we are more likely to find peace.
When we hold on tightly to what we want, we are likely to get upset and frustrated.
So I want a guy to like me because I like him? It is not required to be even. I can have my feelings, I can own them. But I have to be willing to let go of expectations of reciprocity.
Maybe that’s just human nature to expect reciprocity. And being ok with a state of unbalance is hard for us.
I have to be willing to be my best me whether or not he likes it. I am not dependent on anyone else. He can get on board or not. He can pick someone else, or pick me. It should not affect my shine. My shine is shining because I have to.
And I feel lucky that the guy I’m referring to happens to really dig my shine, it’s what attracts him to me. And because he likes me, makes my desire to have him choose me even stronger. I want him to want me. But I have to be ok with being me and him being him. And while we walk a path together, it’s cool. If he chooses another path it is not about me.