I started thinking about this after my post about running into my ex had a lot of conversation happening. I am so glad I am not alone in wondering what if about an ex, and knowing that I have support and outside opinions from all of you.
And I love how respectful it is. Because at the end of the day I think we all know that no one actually takes advice, we all just make the mistakes on our own and learn from them. We do what is in our heart. Sometimes the advice helps us to see our heart a bit more clearly.
I did realize that I have a lot of exes that come back with a lame message like “I had a dream about you…” or “hey stranger!” It is sadly effective for me.
But you know why? I think it is because I am still single, and sometimes as a single woman you like a little attention. Even if it is from someone that is also just fishing for attention too.
So usually I am ok with someone re-emerging and becoming someone that I see for just a little while, despite my complaints that it’s annoying. I think we all know we are going into it expecting the same things. Short term companionship.
Sometimes that’s just what you need when things are lonely.
But I have had two men that I dated for only two or three months before circumstances got in the way. Not to mention each of us had our own shit to deal with before we could be in a serious relationship.
I am dating one of those guys right now. And you’ve heard many of these stories. How I felt after the breakup, how I dealt with our time apart, and how we got back together. Not to mention navigating the ups and downs and figuring things out.
He and I had unfinished business. And I wanted to explore that.
So seeing this particular ex the other night was definitely core shaking. When we dated two years ago, he was the guy that I thought I would be with for the long haul. He was so clear with how he felt about me. And it ended because we both had issues to deal with, not to mention awful work schedules.
Things didn’t end because we disliked each other. Or because we hurt each other. We both backed out and chose to work on our issues solo and we also chose to let our circumstances get the better of us.
So it feels like there is this unfinished business between us. Maybe unfinished business works its way to the surface and pulls people together like magnets so it can get cleared.
And maybe we cleared it away by apologizing to each other. And maybe that’s all I get. Maybe it won’t be a reunion and drinks and leading down the path to other things.
And maybe different kinds of unfinished business takes other kinds of work. Whether it’s on yourself and you do the work on your own. And then the unfinished business dissolves into the air like like cartoon particles that evaporates into the ether. Then the magnetic pull dissolves along with it and your unfinished business is worked out.
Maybe other unfinished business gets cleared away by reconnecting and apologizing so you can officially forgive each other. It allows you to get everything off your chest.
And maybe some take more hard work, like reconnecting and restarting a new relationship. New and improved, different because you both went away and did your own work and you came back together new and willing.
But I do know that The One That Got Away hasn’t contacted me since Monday night. So maybe that really is all that we get and it’s time to give up the ghost.
And that’s the end of that story.