I guess I had hoped that he would be all the things I had been looking form yes, I am guilty at looking at a guy, having a few conversations with him and leaping to the conclusion that perhaps he will fill in all those gaps that the other guys have left!
Oh, he was so cute. Like, made me gasp kind of cute. And so my type. He was a musician hunt also witty and humble. And we had easy conversation, once we started talking the topics flowed easily and before you knew it we were divulging small secrets to a relative stranger (like I had never learned to ride a bike. Not major things, just small intimate details you learn about a person that you are interested in).
i was so hopeful. He seemed like such fun! And he lived near by so it could lead to fun, spontaneous adventures!
What the hell went wrong?
Was it because I pursued it? Sure, he found me on Facebook and friended me. But I initiated contact, and after many messages I ultimately suggested getting together for a drink. I took his statement “sounds like you need a drink” as an invitation so I pursued it.
Was it because I was questioning if he was gay? I know what you might be thinking, if you’re questioning if he’s gay, maybe don’t pursue that guy. But I work in the arts, every guy is assumed gay until proven otherwise. At one point during the drink, I shifted my intentions because I didn’t feel like there was any flirting from him. I thought, ok he just wants a friend and I can be a friend.
Was it because I wouldn’t sleep with him? He pushed for me to come back to his place for a night cap several times, and I turned him down. Just because I say no during our first “date” (quotes are because it was hardly a date. Drinks and splitting some nibbles is hardly a date if you’re not sure about the person’s intentions until he pins you against the car and kisses you. Which was hot.) doesn’t mean I’m not interested. It means you need to put in some more effort so step up!
Maybe he couldn’t handle the rejection.
What a shame, he had such potential.
I think we all have those people that we wonder what the hell happened? We had a great date, why did he disappear??
Do I close the gap and ask him out? (No, I know better now. When I was younger I would have called and gotten radio silence. No need to do that again, I get the message) What about a Facebook message? Do I say… Wait, what would I say?
Nothing. There is nothing to say to the guy that disappears and isn’t that interesting in putting kick effort into spending time with me.
I am sure he has other people lined up that are willing to do whatever without much effort on his part.
As a side note, ladies, let’s all agree to stop being that girl. Raise the bar a little bit. Nothing wrong with sex on no first date if he deserves it. But let’s stop saying yes just because he asked or because we feel pressured to say yes or because we’re afraid he’ll walk away if we say no. Good riddance to those guys. Please, for the good of all of us to weed out the wimpy, lazy dudes- let’s all raise the bar, ok?
It irks me. I don’t know about you. I have at least a dozen of these under my belt- the great date and then he disappears. Where do they go? Did he get hit by a bus?? Did his ex suddenly come back and declare everlasting love for him? Did he pick up someone at the bar after we left so he could get his rocks off come hell or high water?
It never gets easy. I am just left wondering “where did you go?” And “will you come back one day and say ‘sup? Let’s hang out.”
What is the logic behind this? I demand to know!