What The Hell Happened To That Guy?

I guess I had hoped that he would be all the things I had been looking form yes, I am guilty at looking at a guy, having a few conversations with him and leaping to the conclusion that perhaps he will fill in all those gaps that the other guys have left!

Oh, he was so cute. Like, made me gasp kind of cute. And so my type. He was a musician hunt also witty and humble. And we had easy conversation, once we started talking the topics flowed easily and before you knew it we were divulging small secrets to a relative stranger (like I had never learned to ride a bike. Not major things, just small intimate details you learn about a person that you are interested in).

i was so hopeful. He seemed like such fun! And he lived near by so it could lead to fun, spontaneous adventures!

What the hell went wrong?

Was it because I pursued it? Sure, he found me on Facebook and friended me. But I initiated contact, and after many messages I ultimately suggested getting together for a drink. I took his statement “sounds like you need a drink” as an invitation so I pursued it.

Was it because I was questioning if he was gay? I know what you might be thinking, if you’re questioning if he’s gay, maybe don’t pursue that guy. But I work in the arts, every guy is assumed gay until proven otherwise. At one point during the drink, I shifted my intentions because I didn’t feel like there was any flirting from him. I thought, ok he just wants a friend and I can be a friend.

Was it because I wouldn’t sleep with him? He pushed for me to come back to his place for a night cap several times, and I turned him down. Just because I say no during our first “date” (quotes are because it was hardly a date. Drinks and splitting some nibbles is hardly a date if you’re not sure about the person’s intentions until he pins you against the car and kisses you. Which was hot.) doesn’t mean I’m not interested. It means you need to put in some more effort so step up!

Maybe he couldn’t handle the rejection.

What a shame, he had such potential.

I think we all have those people that we wonder what the hell happened? We had a great date, why did he disappear??

Do I close the gap and ask him out? (No, I know better now. When I was younger I would have called and gotten radio silence. No need to do that again, I get the message) What about a Facebook message? Do I say… Wait, what would I say?

Nothing. There is nothing to say to the guy that disappears and isn’t that interesting in putting kick effort into spending time with me.

I am sure he has other people lined up that are willing to do whatever without much effort on his part.

As a side note, ladies, let’s all agree to stop being that girl. Raise the bar a little bit. Nothing wrong with sex on no first date if he deserves it. But let’s stop saying yes just because he asked or because we feel pressured to say yes or because we’re afraid he’ll walk away if we say no. Good riddance to those guys. Please, for the good of all of us to weed out the wimpy, lazy dudes- let’s all raise the bar, ok?

It irks me. I don’t know about you. I have at least a dozen of these under my belt- the great date and then he disappears. Where do they go? Did he get hit by a bus?? Did his ex suddenly come back and declare everlasting love for him? Did he pick up someone at the bar after we left so he could get his rocks off come hell or high water?

It never gets easy. I am just left wondering “where did you go?” And “will you come back one day and say ‘sup? Let’s hang out.”

What is the logic behind this? I demand to know!

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15 thoughts on “What The Hell Happened To That Guy?

  1. Oh I apologize, I was being sarcastic. Personally I don’t think men have changed much over the years. There is still lack of commitment, (which can easily translate into insecurities), men fail to strive for anything above ‘simple’ these days, and running has always been their first instinct. I mean, I’m not a ‘man hater’, I generally have issues with all people, but this particular post appealed to me because it’s a classic man in this day and age.

  2. Thank you for writing this. I have gone through the same thing recently. I did put out on the first date (shame on me) but we dated for a month. A MONTH. And now nothing. I am hoping he did get hit by a bus. At least it would make me feel less bad. You’re awesome.

    • Hey, it’s my pleasure! I was dumped out of nowhere 2 weeks ago so we’re in the ssaaammeee boat. Men are idiots and they make us crazy. Stay in touch if you ever need a chat! It looks to me that it would benefit the both of us.

    • Hey girl! No shame for hooking up on a first date. If you did it because you felt respected and turned on, then go for. It sucks when a woman feels pressured or obligated or if it becomes part of a game. Spoiler alert, if anyone is using sex as a game to win affection or attention everyone loses. I have been in your shoes more times than I care to admit. Or even when you DO wait to sleep with the guy and he disappears right after, ugh what the hell? He probably did get hit by a bus, that must be the only reason he would not call you back!! 🙂

  3. Don’t hate all of us men! I had a good date with a girl last Friday, at the end she asked if we could do it again, we sent a few texts back and forth over the weekend. A few hours ago I asked her if she’d like to meet up again over the weekend and was responded with “I don’t think we have enough in common to make this work, best wishes”

    Explain that one.

    Or actually, I can, another guy came around that she felt was better suited for her and that’s likely what happened to you too. Luckily for me I have 4 other girls on the go and I suggest you stock up on potentials too. Whenever I have all my eggs in one basket I get burned, never again. Always stay looking and have other dates lined up.

    Good luck!!

    • Oh I am sorry if I came across as a man hater,in try really hard to direct my fury at specific men not all of them. And if I am frustrated with all men, it’s usually because it’s become a larger social problem such as ghosting- like you said it’s not reserved to one gender! Or like how no one goes on a date anymore, it’s hanging out. I just wish things were a little more formal. Oh well.
      For you specifically, I think that sucks that she did that to you. And honestly I don’t know what’s worse, the truth or her disappearing. It is never easy to like someone and then find out it isn’t mutual. That’s when dating really sucks.

  4. Love your blog! I recently met a very nice, cute guy, and we hit it off. We hung out a few times and had great conversation. Then we hooked up Friday night, and it’s like he’s fallen off the face of the earth since then. I’ve been very anxious lately, because he hasn’t contacted me since sending me just one text the day after, and I thought we actually had something. There are more details on my blog, if you’re interested. You’re awesome! And you’re not alone!

    • Thank you! Who knows why to happens. Maybe we have all become cowards and we all avoid confrontation at all costs. Because it’s really a lose-lose situation. He tells you the truth and it sucks and he looks like a jerk. He disappears and it sucks and he looks like a jerk. At least in the first scenario there is some peace of mind.

  5. OMG i know exactly what you mean. It is has been happening a lot lately….sometimes even before a first date…..we talk and talk and then arrange a day to meet up and then when it comes to that day….nothing…no contact….and I am left wondering …..if nothing happened in between why are you suddenly unavailable….or we go out on a few dates and then there is silence…..after we seemed to be getting on splendidly…maybe its because i use the word splendidly….but its not me…..at first i thought maybe it was….its them…they seem to just flitter around women for their own ego but when it comes down to it…is that a man you want in your life anyways…not for me.

    • That is weird and frustrating! I am sorry you have to go through that. You have the right attitude though, because you’re right that someone worthy will come along and give you the attention you want. 🙂

  6. If you gave him mixed messages he might have thought you were playing games with him. It’s understandable that you don’t want to go back with him on the first date. Maybe bring up that you enjoy his company and would love to grab drinks or maybe coffee..? Guys don’t like to beat around the bush. If you like him you should say so. Some guys don’t really know how to take hints, and many guy are too afraid of rejection it’s almost easier for them to drop the girl than risk getting rejected again. That’s my experience anyway but what do I know. Just broke up with the man I thought I would marry.

    • You’re probably right. I wasn’t intending to give mixed messages, but I bet they came off that way. I’m not sure if I want to pursue. I hadn’t given it a ton of thought, actually! I wrote him off as a guy that wasn’t interested, but you she’d some interesting light on it!

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