I love the business teachings from James Altucher. He pulls no punches, he is direct, sometimes offensive but he always tells the truth. And it’s good.
I like his emails, I always find them a worthwhile read and I always walk away having learned something.
made me think. It was about the power of persuasion. And his principles are based on his own experiences of what has worked time and time again. These principles are actually based in science, because in order to do sales or anything that requires you to get buy in from other people requires you to get them to like you. And shockingly, there is a science to people liking you.
So, if it works for sales and building new relationships with clients, would it work for a love relationship?
He uses love as sort of a tongue in cheek way to get you to read and take what he says seriously. If you get your stranger to fall in love with you during your elevator pitch then you are more likely to close your deal.
But, seriously, would this work for love?
This thought occurred to me when I was reading through towards the bottom of his post, and he’s talking about how to overcome objections. And it clicked that a person that has a unique personality and confidence(in his lingo this would be unquestionable proof that you, the product, are awesome) is way more attractive.
No one would want a sale from someone that didn’t believe in what they were selling and they couldn’t make it unique. And it’s the same in love, why date someone with no self-esteem and seems like everyone else?
I think this may be unintentionally working in my favor.
I am dating a guy right now that told me flat out that it wasn’t going to go anywhere.
What I heard was someone that was scared and confused. So I addressed the emotion, not the words that was said.
I told him that it doesn’t have to go anywhere. But we have something incredibly rare when it comes to relationships. We have fun together, we’re comfortable, we’re honest, we understand each other and we’re willing to make space for each other’s crazy. Let’s have fun.
It was as if I could feel his sigh of relief and the weight lifting from his shoulders. The tension broke and he agreed to everything I said.
What I did is really rare. I had a shit-ton of confidence in myself and in what we had to fight for it. I was clear that I was removing the pressure, and stressed what was different about our relationship and got him to agree to it. (that hits unique, ultra-specific, user-friendly and unquestionable proof all in one) I think the nature of the conversation felt pretty urgent in general, but I matched his pace and tone so that I was speaking exactly like he was, which works on many levels but it met his level of urgency and got us on the same page.
I swear I didn’t do any of this intentionally trying to “sell” the guy. It came as instinct. I wanted this, this is why I want this so badly. Then I waited and kept my mouth shut.
Now, months later, the guy tells me how much he values how special I am and loves having me in his life.
So far, so good.
I wonder how this will play out. Again, I want to stress I’m not intentionally selling a guy myself as a product. But these principles seem to actually work. I wonder where it will go.