I understand that jealousy is a worthless emotion. I know that it is worth nothing when it comes to the grand scheme of things.
It is one thing to intellectually know something and another to know it in your body and soul. It’s when you know something mind, body and soul that you’re really living it.
So jealousy is something that I am still working on in my life. Some days are better than others, and lately I’ve had a few bad brushes with the green eyed monster.
Why am I jealous?
I have been asking myself that question over and over. It’s an exercise I picked up from Danielle LaPorte actually, she used a different question in a different context but the principle is the same. Ask yourself the same question, over and over and you will get to some deep shit.
And shit it was.
What I dug up was all this stuff about comparing myself to this other girl. I went through all of it, she’s more interesting, talented, intelligent, stylish, available, witty…oh my list went on and on. I’m starting to feel bad just writing it again, but I wanted to share it with you. I wanted to share my vulnerability and insecurities because I know that in calling them out I weaken them.
And to show that I have no real reason to feel bad about these things. Especially because I don’t know this girl hardly at all so everything that I am jealous of I am completely projecting on her. I am assuming these things because she is dating a guy I am dating and she must be pretty wonderful if he’s dating her. So I assume she is better than me at all these things, that I wish I was more of those things, that she has something that I don’t.
But maybe that isn’t true at all.
And I know more than anything this truth that I was told years ago: Curiosity didn’t kill the cat. Comparison did.
I am wonderful. I am special.
Yes, the guy tells me these things, but I don’t need him to tell me in order for me to know it.
Yeah, it’s nice that he recognizes that. But I know inside of me that I am a valuable person, and comparing myself to someone else doesn’t change what I am.
My value is inside, it doesn’t come from comparing myself to someone and saying “I’m better than she is.” And it doesn’t come from a guy that tells me so. It’s within, and I get to choose how brightly I let it shine for the world.
And all those things that I see in her than make me feel jealous? They are the same qualities I value about myself, maybe I’ve just been dulling them a bit and not letting them shine at all.
I was doing a little research on jealousy and how I can overcome it peacefully. I came across this beautiful piece. Maybe you will find it helpful, too.
When was the last time you felt jealous, and what triggered it? What did you do about it?
PS. A big shout out to my dear friend that was there for me in my time of need when I was feeling crappy and beaten down by jealousy. I started writing thinking that was enough to diffuse the jealousy. But I needed a little extra help from someone that loved me. She was exactly what I needed. I love you, friend. 🙂