Honest Slips In My Writing

When I wrote the other day that I am enjoying dating a lot of guys because I don’t have to get too close, it was like someone lifted the blinds and light came flooding into the room.

And you know what, I am still in the place where I am ok with the fact that many of my side relationships are pretty shallow.

Maybe it’s because I have one guy that I feel really connected to, it feels different from any other guy I’ve ever dated. The other guys serve a purpose. And I almost hesitate to say the purpose out loud. Because I am a little afraid I will be judged, but hey if you’ve been reading my blog long enough there is plenty to judge and I choose to put it out there anyway because honesty is important. We all have parts of our story that we could judge about each other, but I think it’s good to hear that other people have those icky parts too.

I am dating the other guys as a distraction and for the attention.

I know that part of my insecure nature is that I like a little bit more attention. I do like the validation that I am attractive, fun and worthy. Sigh, I know. These things should come from inside. But who doesn’t like someone else to validate this?

And most of the time I feel just great about myself.

But, but, but.

Isn’t it fun to have a guy pay some attention to you?

And I can hook a guy for a few dates and have fun doing the text message- flirting thing. I can keep a guy around for a little while and have fun for a bit. I can enjoy the phase where it is light and fun for everyone.

But keeping it shallow keeps me from getting to invested in anyone, because I feel like (honest confession coming) my heart has already chosen someone.

So what is a girl to do?

For the time being, I am going to be denying those little truthful slips that keep coming out. While also being aware of the truth.

Sure, judge if you want. But for me, I don’t feel that bad about it because I know the honesty behind all of it (for now) and I am ok with all of it.

Do you ever find yourself doing the same thing?

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2 thoughts on “Honest Slips In My Writing

  1. These slips are what I fear most when I write. Especially that readers will know something about me that I can’t see. I’m glad you saw it in yourself. 🙂

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