When I wrote the other day that I am enjoying dating a lot of guys because I don’t have to get too close, it was like someone lifted the blinds and light came flooding into the room.
And you know what, I am still in the place where I am ok with the fact that many of my side relationships are pretty shallow.
Maybe it’s because I have one guy that I feel really connected to, it feels different from any other guy I’ve ever dated. The other guys serve a purpose. And I almost hesitate to say the purpose out loud. Because I am a little afraid I will be judged, but hey if you’ve been reading my blog long enough there is plenty to judge and I choose to put it out there anyway because honesty is important. We all have parts of our story that we could judge about each other, but I think it’s good to hear that other people have those icky parts too.
I am dating the other guys as a distraction and for the attention.
I know that part of my insecure nature is that I like a little bit more attention. I do like the validation that I am attractive, fun and worthy. Sigh, I know. These things should come from inside. But who doesn’t like someone else to validate this?
And most of the time I feel just great about myself.
But, but, but.
Isn’t it fun to have a guy pay some attention to you?
And I can hook a guy for a few dates and have fun doing the text message- flirting thing. I can keep a guy around for a little while and have fun for a bit. I can enjoy the phase where it is light and fun for everyone.
But keeping it shallow keeps me from getting to invested in anyone, because I feel like (honest confession coming) my heart has already chosen someone.
So what is a girl to do?
For the time being, I am going to be denying those little truthful slips that keep coming out. While also being aware of the truth.
Sure, judge if you want. But for me, I don’t feel that bad about it because I know the honesty behind all of it (for now) and I am ok with all of it.
Do you ever find yourself doing the same thing?