I am so sorry for being absent for so long from this blog.
It makes me so happy to see the readership growing, and I get feedback from many of you. I love that, truly. It was my hope that I could create a sort of community where we could learn from each other and we can share honestly in a space without judgement. Just love and support for each other. Relationships can be tough. It can be tough to be standing on your own. It is definitely tough to go through a breakup and feeling like the ground beneath you is shaking and you’re relearning to stand on your own two feet.
That was my plan. To share my stories about learning to stand on my own two feet. Learning to speak up in a world that would rather keep us silent. My hope was that when you read my stories, you can walk away with something. Even if it is just knowing that you’re not alone, there is at least someone else going through something similar to what you’re going through. Maybe you can walk away with some new insight or something that you learned. Maybe you feel a little closer to a stranger somewhere else in the world.
I’ve been crazy busy in the last month because I feel like the universe is blessing me for being my authentic self, and challenging me to push my boundaries and stay strong.
The good news- I started a new job, and I am kicking ass. Loving the place, loving the job and I am mostly doing really well. I have the best bosses, also. And my other great news is that I am working on a play that is artistically fulfilling for me. It makes me so happy. I’m also dating a couple great guys, it makes me feel like a giddy teenager again. These are all great things.
Now let’s get the bad out of the way. I have been pretty broke for the last few months. Literally living pay check to pay check and picking up as many odd jobs to fill in the gaps to make ends meet. I took a new job to increase what I am bringing home and to give myself some stability. And to stop working 8 different jobs all around a 50 mile radius. I was excited about the job, I was doubling what I was bringing home. I could finally pay down some debt.
And then my car started to sputter. It was in and out of the body shop for four weeks, meanwhile I am paying for the repairs and a rental car. Great, all these expenses really add up and drained my bank account. And then I got the news that the problem is…complicated and hard to diagnose. They are going to have to do some major overhauls, and even then it’s not guaranteed to fix the problem. So, the options are pay for expensive repairs that may not repair it or I buy a new car.
Not the expense that I planned for when I took this job.
So that has been an extreme stress for me, but I’m coming to terms with it.
One of the things that has been a challenge for me with all this stress is not dealing with it on my own, it’s been challenging to accept help. I’m ok taking help from my mom, even though I don’t love asking. But I’ve had to ask a few times, so I guess I’ve just become accustomed to it. If I had a boyfriend, I imagine that I would have no problem accepting help from him because that’s what men do- give help!
But I have such a hard time asking for and accepting help from friends- male or female. The men have girlfriends, so I feel bad asking and taking them away from…what? Other obligations? I guess I feel the same about friends. I know they have crazy lives of their own. I don’t want to make things inconvenient for them. I figure I should deal with it on my own, it’s my problem.
Maybe it’s a fine line. There is being strong and standing on your own two feet. And then there is being open to accepting help.
I have to remind myself that accepting help isn’t weak, and it’s not an inconvenience. I know I like to help my friends when I can. I have to remember that if they offer to help me, they want to help. That’s what friends are for, to help each other.
Even being single doesn’t mean you have to do everything alone. No man is an island. Right?