Honest Check In Moment And Learning What I Want

I had a check in moment last night.

Here I am, writing about being a single gal and professing to live my life and that everything is fabulous. And I don’t need a man in my life! And it doesn’t matter what age I am, the right relationship will come at the right time!

And last night I was out with one of my best guy friends telling him about the guys I have been dating/hanging out with. Not one met his standards for me. He asked me why I’m doing this, why am I putting up with guys below my standards.

First off, I disagree with him. It’s too early to say the guys aren’t enough. I am going to attribute his sweeping conclusion to the many cocktails he had been drinking. And also because a person can only judge others from their own experiences. He’s been dating the same girl since college and has had his own share of trials in a relationship. So perhaps he just wants someone that is as crazy about me as he is about his girlfriend.

But secondly, I had this moment where I got a little choked up. I whined a little. ” I’m thirty. When is that significant relationship going to come along?” He argued I have many significant relationships but that wasn’t what I meant. I meant that central romantic partner relationship.

It feels like everyone else has it figured out and has settled down. Why not just enjoy these guys for what’s it’s worth right now? I don’t think about spending my whole life with them, I think about enjoying the time I have with the person that they are.

On occasion, I will admit, I will wish for what they aren’t or fantasize about a future that hasn’t even happened yet.

But I still want that romance in my life. It felt like such a weak, vulnerable moment. It was a “why me?” kind of moment. It was a little pity mixed in with a little bit of truthful desire.

I know that the first big problem is that I should stop judging myself. Secondly, I need to be clear about what I really want.

What is it that I desire?

  • Someone that wants me around, that wants to include me in their life. That wants to share things with me.
  • Someone that accepts me and loves me unconditionally.
  • Someone to do special things with, and to do not special things. ( go to events but also just cuddle and watch a movie)
  • To feel romance, someone is thinking about me.
  • Comfort, ease around the person.
  • Passion
  • To feel understood and completely accepted
  • To laugh and have fun.

 

The hard part about being single is living up to your own expectations, and not someone else’s. It’s about being clear on what you need and what you want, and not being influenced by someone else’ experiences. It’s your single gal experience. Stick to your guns.

 

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8 thoughts on “Honest Check In Moment And Learning What I Want

  1. Thank you. I have been struggling with these same exact things, especially lately. I fear I may have met a guy who could be all these things for me, and somehow I’ve managed to screw it up, or will screw it up shortly. My own insecurities are starting to take over my emotions and I’m afraid of ruining something really good. How do I stop this from happening?

    • I am working on a post or a few posts in reply to a book I just finished. Know that you have not screwed anything up. I tend to freak out, often. Breathe, and check in with what your needs are. Usually we freak out and overreact because some deep need isn’t being met. Try to communicate that to the person, calmly and discuss it openly. More to come soon!

  2. I am in the same boat! Single, can’t find someone that fits my “list”. But this list of yours, its a wish list! I accept, I have it on my list too. But Guys are not like that. Even if they are, things change eventually! I have learnt this lesson the hard way, and I think I have lowered (or at least I am consciously trying to!!) my expectations. My best friend got married 2 years ago and in the first year of their marriage, they spent many nights fighting. Reason: Things changed. He tried but at the end of the day he is just not that person. He loves her but he just can’t do those things she expects. She got that and lowered her expectations and found his love in other things he did for her and they are as happy as they could be. Touchwood! It was a good lesson for me. Lower your expectations so that whatever different he does might make you happy.

  3. There is a Reason, A Season and a Lifetime so once you figure out which one he is in, you can really examine the relationship and decide whether its really even worth getting all worked up about. Life is a risk and once you know your self worth, the right guy will appear, remember it takes a few toads before you get your Prince!!

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