I had a check in moment last night.
Here I am, writing about being a single gal and professing to live my life and that everything is fabulous. And I don’t need a man in my life! And it doesn’t matter what age I am, the right relationship will come at the right time!
And last night I was out with one of my best guy friends telling him about the guys I have been dating/hanging out with. Not one met his standards for me. He asked me why I’m doing this, why am I putting up with guys below my standards.
First off, I disagree with him. It’s too early to say the guys aren’t enough. I am going to attribute his sweeping conclusion to the many cocktails he had been drinking. And also because a person can only judge others from their own experiences. He’s been dating the same girl since college and has had his own share of trials in a relationship. So perhaps he just wants someone that is as crazy about me as he is about his girlfriend.
But secondly, I had this moment where I got a little choked up. I whined a little. ” I’m thirty. When is that significant relationship going to come along?” He argued I have many significant relationships but that wasn’t what I meant. I meant that central romantic partner relationship.
It feels like everyone else has it figured out and has settled down. Why not just enjoy these guys for what’s it’s worth right now? I don’t think about spending my whole life with them, I think about enjoying the time I have with the person that they are.
On occasion, I will admit, I will wish for what they aren’t or fantasize about a future that hasn’t even happened yet.
But I still want that romance in my life. It felt like such a weak, vulnerable moment. It was a “why me?” kind of moment. It was a little pity mixed in with a little bit of truthful desire.
I know that the first big problem is that I should stop judging myself. Secondly, I need to be clear about what I really want.
What is it that I desire?
- Someone that wants me around, that wants to include me in their life. That wants to share things with me.
- Someone that accepts me and loves me unconditionally.
- Someone to do special things with, and to do not special things. ( go to events but also just cuddle and watch a movie)
- To feel romance, someone is thinking about me.
- Comfort, ease around the person.
- To feel understood and completely accepted
- To laugh and have fun.
The hard part about being single is living up to your own expectations, and not someone else’s. It’s about being clear on what you need and what you want, and not being influenced by someone else’ experiences. It’s your single gal experience. Stick to your guns.