You are not a self-improvement project.
Doesn’t it feel that way sometimes? Sometimes we think that if I were a little bit better at yoga, meditation, negotiating, finding the right words, keeping calm in a crisis, whatever the blank may be that we would live a fuller, happier life. we think that our faults are faults because they need to be fixed, and if we have no faults then we will be perfect!
As someone that struggles with perfection, let me help point you in a new direction if that is what you’ve been thinking. Your faults are supposed to be your faults, they make you human. There is no such thing as perfect. Or, if you insist to strive for perfection, your imperfection is what makes you perfectly human.
sometimes being single feels like a quest to make myself into my best version of me. We see it as an opportunity to spend all this time on me, so I better make myself better.
That kind of thinking is coming at the wrong angle, however. It is one thing to pick up new books that interest you and may help you at work. Or going back to school to finish a degree or get a new none because it will help you advance. Maybe you explore spirituality because you want to develop that part of yourself. Or you start a new fitness class. The se things are all fine to do because you are interested in them. The problem is when your ego gets involved and starts saying that you need to do something else because you’re not good enough now as you are.
It is natural to strive to improve and get better. Finding something you are interested in to want to master is really fun and can be really motivating. It adds some excitement to yours ay to day! I’m not saying that wanting to improve is the problem.
It is easy enough to identify when we are doing something for someone else. I read a story about a woman making a similar point, it was in Sarah Eckel’s book It’s Not You (highly recommend single women should read this, and maybe the not single women and men so they know to stop telling us those annoying lines about why we’re single.) She was talking about a guys he met online, they had a great time on their few dates. He was really politically minded and active. She went away for a high school reunion and when she got back, he had met someone else and it was going so well he wasn’t seeing other people. She decided to become more politically active! Yes, she was always interested in it herself and always wondered why she never did anything, but deep down she was motivated by the hope that he would come back if she was more like him in this way. Of course it didn’t work. But she did have a great experience, and it has led her to others.
Is this wrong? No. There is no right or wrong, that’s not the point. The point is being aware of your motivations. Are you really interested in raising money for a political campaign? Is that going to make you feel happy? Or are you doing it for someone else? Or because you don’t feel whole and you are looking for an easy patch for the hole?
There are no easy patches. It is knowing you are the way you are and loving yourself for it. It is exploring things with an outsider’s curiosity and seeing what makes you happy and excited. It is letting to and having fun. Enjoy the moment.