Don’t Harden Your Heart, Stay Open. Here’s How I Can Help

Staying open gets harder and harder with every rejection. When things seem to never play out the way we want to, it gets harder to stay willing to continue hoping for the best. It is as if it almost takes some naïveté because you want to stay blind to the possible heartache and disappointment.

A really good friend of mine has been married for a year and a half, and literally found her perfect partner. I turn to them for comfort and advice with dating and love. And the last time I had my heart and hope broken they told me how much they admired my ability to keep trying, that I keep believing in love. They are always the ones to let me cry without shame, and they listen to me hope against hope for finding love. And they wonder how I keep doing it (even though they each did it for years before finding each other).

It felt like a really big compliment coming from two people that have a relationship that I admire so much. I think I took my positive attitude for granted. “Of course I still believed in love. Of course I keep trying to find it. I know it’s out there.”

But apparently this is a rare thing. I have had my share of really bad dates. I have spent time with guys that don’t really make me feel like my best self. I have had the guys that say they don’t want a commitment but then they are engaged 6 months later. I have hoped that this one guy would be different, only to be proven wrong because he just wasn’t into me That way.

Yup. It sucks. It’s hard. It can be draining. It can be soul sucking.

If this is you, maybe I can lend you some of my belief?

If you feel bitter and closed off, if you feel disheartened and broken, if you feel alone- know that I believe that great love is out there. I believe it is out there swirling around in the universe for you. When the time is right, your paths will cross.

If you can’t believe it right now, don’t. It is better to not force yourself to “think positive!” if you really don’t believe it. But borrow some of mine. You can tell yourself that Single Gal believes it (because I really do), and you can trust that for now.

I am not always a hugger, I choose my moments for contact. This is one of them. If I could hug you, I would.

Here’s to hope, here’s to staying open even when it feels too hard.

A little music from Ingrid Michaelson, “all the broken hearts in the world still beat, let’s not make it harder than it has to be…”


8 thoughts on “Don’t Harden Your Heart, Stay Open. Here’s How I Can Help

  1. I was in that boat for many years. I didn’t meet my husband until I was 40 (I was married before, though). True love does come, and it is usually when you least expect it. Here is a hug for you! You will find your perfect partner.

  2. Awesome stuff right here! Glad you are reaching out to others and sharing experiences…..compassion starts right there. I, too, am in that “limbo” phase, after letting go of someone who hid things from me, and didn’t share truths with me for 5 months recently. I keep saying “it was ONLY 5 months”, but it was time invested. Just like anything else, another will come along, another relationship, another experience, and until then…believe. 🙂

    • Thanks Stacia! I do the same thing trying to downplay my relationships by thinking they were “long enough.” Pssshhh, whatever that means. You’re right, it was time and emotions that were invested. But sometimes we just need to let go and move on and trust there is something better out there. Maybe the best hasn’t happened yet.

  3. Still sailing that boat 😉 I know that it is out there somewhere, but after several years I do notice that I’ve hardened. I hope it won’t be to the point that I can’t see it when it is eventually standing in front of me. So for now I just keep going, enjoy life and chase my own dreams until I stumble upon someone to share them with 🙂
    Thanks for your post 🙂

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