I work as a personal trainer and I train one woman in her home. She is my mother’s age and we connected really well from the first day. I recently started asking her for some relationship advice, because she has been really wise in some things she said previously. She wrote two books on relationships, so I was interested what she had to say.
After we chatted a bit about some things that annoy me about dating, she had me pegged right away. “You jump in with both feet, don’t you?”
Guilty. Yes, I do that for pretty much everything in my life. When I make a decision I go whole hog.
“I don’t know if that will be a blessing or your downfall In your life,” she told me.
Yeah, this isn’t really news to me. I know that jumping completely in is terrifying for a lot of people. I do it in my life, it is how I make decisions about an apartment, my job, my friends, my clothes. I don’t belabor most of my decisions, I go with my gut and I don’t look back.
But when it comes to dating this is probably going to be my downfall.
If I have decided that I like you, I want you to like me. It’s like that old song “I want you to want me…” It really should be my anthem.
A friend of mine has told me I need to be a little flakey when it comes to dating. I need to go with the flow. Don’t be so intense and completely invested.
Do you know how hard this is?
I am doing fairly well, considering I am not a flakey person. Luckily I have plenty of distractions.
But part of me wonders do I really need to fight this part of me in order to be successful at dating? Is that what it takes, become someone less like me?
On the other hand, am I really doing something less like me or am I do something that will help me in the long run? Most of the time I feel less stressed. By relaxing and just living my life I don’t spend all my time wondering if he is going to call.
But the guy hasn’t called. Normally I give the appropriate window of a few days and then I write the guy off. My client says this is probably a little harsh. I say it’s protecting myself. She was also very clear that I need to not call him. I normally think it is bullshit, but I have stumbled into an unusual situation and the guy really does need to be the one doing the work here. I agree that he needs to call me, so I am sitting on my texting fingers.
In the meantime, while I have been going about my life I met a really nice guy. I play soccer for fun and noticed this guy on my team immediately. But it was like another line from a song “I knew you were trouble from the moment you walked in.” I know my type, and this guy is totally my type. Which means trouble.
I slowly began to realize he has been flirting with me. And we have a sort of date planned. At least, it’s a time that we scheduled to hang out. I hate that dating has become this “hanging out” situation, what happened to a guy asking out a girl and taking her someplace nice?
OK, I’m done whining.
Anyway, I have one guy that is expressing interest and I have to admit that I have a little bit of a crush on. And then I have my other situation, a guy that I have known for a while but the situation is a little complicated despite both of us really liking each other. Going with the flow is keeping me pretty relaxed, most of the time. But at the end of the day I want a guy that will at least make an effort to hang out with me.
The great part about the journey that I have been on as a single woman is that I know I am completely happy as a single woman. I don’t need either of these guys to choose me to show that I am worthy. I know my worth. I know I am not willing to compromise for a guy that doesn’t know my worth.
My client told me “You are the prize. You are a treasure. You deserve a guy that will treasure you.”
Yes, a, it is very anti-Olivia Pope (no I’m not a prize to be won), but the point is that the right guy will make an effort, will treat me with respect, and will make me feel special.
My client says that even if I am not hearing from the guy, he is more than likely thinking about me. That I shouldn’t “for one second think he isn’t thinking of me.” It is an unusual situation, like I said. I wouldn’t normally say things like this.
The point is that I know my worth, I won’t settle for someone that doesn’t see it also.