Stop Asking, No We Cannot Just Be Friends

Has anyone else had the experience where it feels like every guy that comes along “just wants to be friends?”

I get it, I understand. I’m not really attracted to you either, even though we do have quite a bit in common. But I am at capacity, I cannot fit one more male friend into my lineup, thankyouverymuch.

Cindy  Chupack was a writer for Sex and the City, among many publications, movies and other TV shows, had this experience and called in the Male Friend Moratorium. Which makes me think that is just the place we send male friendships to die? Or is that just me and my own morbidity combined with frustration?

Lately I keep meeting men that I really don’t have an interest in dating, and they don’t really have an interest in me. Or at least I’m not picking up on the signals that they’re interested. They are either gay, or right out of a relationship, or are older and look at me like a little sister, or they look to me for fitness tips and advice.

Sure, we get along and have fun together. But I already have my great guy friends covered. I have the gay guy friend, the best guy friend, the guy friend in a long term relationship, the older father figure guy friend, the guy friend I call to go to concerts with. My dance card is full, I have no more room for guy friends.

And yet I don’t know what to do with these great, nice guys. Do I keep them around and hang out with them in case things change and we suddenly like each other? Do I keep them around with the assumption that you can never have too many friends? It feels wasteful to throw them to the curb. I don’t have any other single friends looking to get set-up. (Oh, that’s a sad realization)

So where do I fit these guys in? My social calendar is already full, and I already drink more often than I’d like. These guys all want to go out and drink. Really? Can we go workout or even grab coffee instead? I already drink more often than I would like, which in the scheme of things isn’t that often. But I’m a little competitive and I try to keep pace with my drinking partner. Not good when it’s a guy.

I don’t enjoy saying No I don’t want to be your friend. That seems so mean. And not true. I’m just busy, and no I’m not playing “hard to get.”  And what if one of my guy friends drop out or move away? Wouldn’t it be easier to replace him if I had someone on the bench that knows me socially and seems like a good fit to move up?

I am stuck. If you have any good ideas what to do with this excess of men, let me know. I would happily send them your way if you lived near me, or if they figure out a clever way to FedEx men.


6 thoughts on “Stop Asking, No We Cannot Just Be Friends

  1. Thanks for posting, I did think it was funny as I made a mental picture of guys sitting on the bench waiting to get into the game. It is like that episode of Seinfeld, the new friend. You are content with your circle of friends and do not have the time or need to add to that circle. Thanks for sharing this.

      • The only guy you also failed to add, and I am not sure where he fits in. Is the guy out of a relationship who is newly single and all his friends are married and he is trying to start a new circle. Maybe you can start a website for all those second stringers (like me) to help newly single women build that circle of guy friends. Much like a dating site a woman picks the kind of guy friends she wants to form and then the guys get a notice. No guy wants to drink alone, it is always easier with a single gal starting over.

      • Hahaha oh I know that feeling. Many women fall into that category, too. You’re right, maybe it should be an online dating service for Friends Looking for New Circles. Sure would make it easy to find someone to go out and be my wingman.

  2. Your site immediately caught my attention. I appreciate the sincerity and honesty and as you say, touching on subjects that are definitely out there but,people are just too scared to be open about. Congrats to you best wishes on every thing you do!

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