Sometimes what we really need is a new perspective. It’s easy to get trapped in the same thinking day in and day out, and then we wonder why we feel like crap. It’s because we are stuck in our thinking.
the other day I had an hour long conversation with my best friend about all my frustrations with my relationships from the past. I’m frustrates that I keep making the same mistakes and I don’t know what to change. I’m frustrated that sometimes it feels like I hang on to relationships from the past way longer than I should (and longer than I want to). And my friend agreed with me, yes I do all that, no she doesn’t know why, and no she doesn’t know what I should do about it. But she’s going to be there for me no matter what.
So at least there’s that.
So I was going through some emails from a few days ago and I found one from the Louise Hay mailing list that I am on. She has a new book about how to heal your own heart, so naturally I was curious.
The email included an excerpt from the book, and it was like divine intervention from the universe to put this in front of me right now when I am flailing.
I will summarize to the best of my ability. Louise Hay paints the picture of a typical movie fairy tale ending. Girl falls for boy, boy runs away. At the end boy makes a sweeping public declaration that he was wrong and he really does love the girl. All ends well. In our real lives we process this as “He will realize that he loves me and he will come back.” Or “What can I do to change his mind so he sees love?”
It seems positive and uplifting, right? Love! Going after what we want! Instead we are focusing on the lack of love (what have I done wrong?) instead of processing our grief with an open mind and open heart and not attaching to the moment. We’re giving in to manipulation and ultimately disappointment. Ms. Hay offers some affirmations that sum up the positive way to approach heartbreak that are incredibly helpful. My favorite was “a person who loves me is on his way to me.”
We feel so many things after a breakup. The loneliness hurts. We can look at the loneliness and focus on it, and all that does is create more hurt and loneliness. We can feel like it was a waste of time, and we can be angry at that perception. It is important to know with certainty that no relationship is ever a waste of time. People are brought into our lives for a purpose, whether it is to teach us something about loving other people or maybe the lesson is about loving ourself. Or maybe we feel like we are the one that is completely wrong, doing everything wrong and we need to fix ourselves. What a moment to learn to be gentle with who we are. We are not wrong, broken or incomplete.
Relationships come into our lives for different reasons. Some are in our lives to teach us a lesson that we need to learn. That does not mean that every love story is meant to last forever, it only lasts as long as it needs to for the lesson to present itself.
We have to be open to the positive and sometimes we need to be reminded of what the positive looks like. I forget what the positive side is sometimes. I think we all do, and that’s why my friend had nothing to offer me when I felt stuck. She felt stuck, too. All she could see were all the problems I was fighting. So we got stuck in problem mode.
So part of letting go, to answer my own questions and problem that I have raised previous in this blog, is letting go of the problem to allow for the positive. Focus on the positive, and the rest can fall away. I won’t have to convince someone to love me, they will just love me.
What do you think?