I said last week I wasn’t going to write about masturbation. But with Valentines Day around the corner and no real prospects, I feel like it was bound to come up eventually. So i have been honest, open, and direct with you my readers about everything else so I think it’s time we talk about some Self Love.
If it makes you less uncomfortable with the topic, because for whatever reason female masturbation seems to be an uncomfortable topic for people, this post was inspired by an article in the Sunday New York Times magazine. The article was about asking if equal partnerships in marriage leads to less sex? It started with a story about a dinner party and the husband brings up porn and the wife gets uncomfortable. I actually thought it was funny, he released tension on Pornhub and she would be on Pinterest.
After I laughed to myself I really wondered why porn is still such an uncomfortable topic for women? Or is just because it’s these women that are over 40 that feel like James Deen is too young to fantasize about? Because although I was never anti-porn, there was some that I enjoyed and some that I just didn’t see the appeal. So I was guaranteed to be turned on, sometimes it was the opposite and I was very turned off. However, when I discovered James Deen it’s almost always a hot turn on. He is God’s gift to women everywhere.
While James Deen is more in the traditional porn industry, with the exception of the porn that he is now filming with almost any woman after the application process, there are other porn outlets for women that want to feel comfortable and turned on. Cindy Gallop is now creating a website that is all about making love, not about the “money shot” or absolute submissiveness that is most common in the porn industry. She started makelovenotporn.tv so that people could submit their own videos of making love and people can subscribe and watch real instances of people having sex, not staged and unrealistic scenarios. Gallop was featured for her work in The New York Times as well, which is where I first heard about her project. She also has a popular TED talk about desire and fetishes. She happens to prefer younger men, and revolutionizes the term Cougar. she teaches these younger men to learn to express themselves sexually and make it safe for women to do the same.
So I have had very low sex drive since my break up until recently. I have had dates and opportunities to take things farther, but strangely I haven’t wanted sex. Maybe it’s because of all this chocolate and lingerie and talk about love that I finally want sex again. Sex, not necessarily a relationship.
There is a difference, and I am ok with that difference. I am not the girl to go around looking for a one night stand at a bar. I am much happier to be alone, I know I wont have to have awkward morning after conversations with myself. I know I will respect myself in the morning. I made a deal with myself a while ago that I would only sleep with someone if I was fully on board. If I had any hesitancy or uncertainty, the deal was off. Sex could wait. I know exactly how to satisfy myself, thankyouverymuch. No help needed. And I always feel worse if I try to pick someone up or go out with the intention to get hit on. Things never go as I imagined, and I don’t feel sexier or more attractive just because some guy flirted with me. It’s pretty meaningless to me at this point. I would much rather be in bed with someone I love and respect- myself. I don’t have sex for an Ego boost, I have sex because I want sex. The motivation is the important factor. If I am looking outward for validation, it will never work. If I just want that physical expression of the body, well that’s a little different.
I decided that I will buy myself some nice lacy lingerie to celebrate Valentines Day and enjoy some sexy time in solidarity with the many other single gals fantasizing about a steamy night with James Deen. And if you have never heard of him before, you’re welcome. Happy Valentines Day to you!