You Look After You

You look after youSomeone’s gotta do it.

When you were in a relationship, your partner looked out for you and you looked out for him. You had each other’s backs, you were working together to be the best you could be for each other. Then, things end and that balance is gone. You’re maybe not so used to being in touch with your needs, or looking out for your own interest. It was probably easier to think of someone else anyway.

So now that equilibrium is thrown off. You want to look after someone els,e you want to reach out for someone else, but there is nothing there. Or you’re trying to spend your time thinking about him and what he needs and wants and how to understand him better and what he’s going through. But it’s not your concern anymore.

Guess what is your concern? You! Wonderful, glorious, needy in a perfect kind of way you.

He’s already looking out for himself. Ever notice how sometimes it seems like the other person in the breakup always seems to be doing so much better? They seem to have it figured out, and they seem to be doing just fine? Whether or not that is true, it seems that way. It’s because they are looking after him or herself, and not spending time worrying about you.

No one is looking after you right now if you’re spending your time thinking and worrying about the other person. Who is going to do that now?

That moment of realization that you are responsible for yourself and your own needs is actually a beautiful moment of realization. It is stepping into your own, and stepping into yourself.

If you feel tempted to figure out what he’s thinking, what he wants, what he needs, just stop. You’re asking the wrong question. Direct it back to yourself. And ask yourself what you’re thinking, what you want and what you need. The answer does not get to be “him.” Sorry, it’s not a valid answer anymore. If that’s what you want to say,a sky ourself why. Define it. What about him, what is it that you really want? Is it to be held, to be comforted by someone that understands you?

Define that, specifically and without the other person in mind. Break it down into specifics. Then go find a friend, a pet, a family member. There is more than one source for love.


5 thoughts on “You Look After You

  1. I definitely needed to read this. I got out of a relationship almost eight months ago, and at this point, I still kind of forget how to be an individual. Just as you mentioned, I get sucked into doing things for her, thinking of what she needs, how I can make her feel better, and then I forget about myself. This was refreshing for so many reasons, but most of all, it reminded me to stand on my own two feet. She did was best for her by breaking up with me, so now I’ll do what’s right for me and move the fuck on. Live my own life. Great post 🙂

  2. This is a highly insightful and much needed post. Many years ago Ayn Rand dared to write a book entitled The Virtue of Selfishness in which she made the point that it is not wrong to look out for one’s self. The kind of “selfishness” she advocated in this volume was simply an avoidance of the altruistic extremism that commands us to keep our own interests consistently in the rear. Taking care of ourselves emotionally and otherwise should be considered a prerequisite to healthy living.
    Charles Bey theskepticalmaltball

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s