Breakups rip me wide open and tear me apart. I cry for many months over breakups. I start wit the sad it’s over kind of crying which morphs into the big, ugly heaving sobs of loneliness, followed by the every so often small tears that rolls out of my eyes uncontrollably.
I mourn my losses.
I mourn my losses for a long time because when I fall for a guy. I really fall for him. I mourn what was and what could have been. When I click with a guy and he chooses to walk away, I think it is such a crime. He is wrong. We were so good together. I know he knew that we were good, but for hat ever reasons he was willing to walk away and choose something else. How dare he. And he’s ok with setting me free to let other men take me out, and possibly lose me to that one great guy that will inevitably come along and sweep me off my feet. Because I know there is a guy out there that will.
I do not cry because I am hopeless. Sometimes I’m sad to lose the guy that I did have such a great connection with, some of those feel so rare.
But that was why I fell for the guy in the first place when I date. I felt a connection that I do not normally feel. When I felt that connection, all bets are off.
I keep walls up. Thick, tall, stone walls. I’m skeptical. I’ve dated enough that I know what I’m looking for. I know when things click, and until they click I keep myself a little distant and aloof.
So when I take my walls down and I leave myself vulnerable and he still chooses to walk away from me, it really stings. I have really been rejected because you saw all of me and you walked away. So I take those losses really hard.