Breakups Are A Touchy Feely Business For Me

Breakups rip me wide open and tear me apart. I cry for many months over breakups. I start wit the sad it’s over kind of crying which morphs into the big, ugly heaving sobs of loneliness, followed by the every so often small tears that rolls out of my eyes uncontrollably.

I mourn my losses.

I mourn my losses for a long time because when I fall for a guy. I really fall for him. I mourn what was and what could have been. When I click with a guy and he chooses to walk away, I think it is such a crime. He is wrong. We were so good together. I know he knew that we were good, but for hat ever reasons he was willing to walk away and choose something else. How dare he. And he’s ok with setting me free to let other men take me out, and possibly lose me to that one great guy that will inevitably come along and sweep me off my feet. Because I know there is a guy out there that will.

I do not cry because I am hopeless. Sometimes I’m sad to lose the guy that I did have such a great connection with, some of those feel so rare.

But that was why I fell for the guy in the first place when I date. I felt a connection that I do not normally feel. When I felt that connection, all bets are off.

I keep walls up. Thick, tall, stone walls. I’m skeptical. I’ve dated enough that I know what I’m looking for. I know when things click, and until they click I keep myself a little distant and aloof.

So when I take my walls down  and I leave myself vulnerable and he still chooses to walk away from me, it really stings. I have really been rejected because you saw all of me and you walked away. So I take those losses really hard.

Advertisements

7 thoughts on “Breakups Are A Touchy Feely Business For Me

  1. I had a pretty rough breakup too. He moved across the country for a summer job, so I had three months to heal before having to interact with him again, (we were in college together.) We are both married now (to other people) and still friends. So, in all it turned out pretty good.

  2. I have come to understand that allowing the wrong men into our sacred space will leave us cold and half dead when they leave. These people leave with a part of our innocence, our spirit. It is robbery that can not be reported to the authorities. We have all been there. It takes some time to recover and heal. One should avoid spending all ones time on earth trying out too many shoes 🙂

  3. You and I are kindred spirits. I feel like when I read your stuff about relationships I’m reading something I would write (however I would mourn the loss of a lady.. not a guy haha).

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s