The power struggle in relationships is never ending. Before people officially start dating and after they break up, it is still a struggle for power.
Think about all the power struggle that goes into the beginning of a relationship. Whether you are conscious of it or not. You are trying to maintain your cool, trying to maintain the upper hand and calling the shots.
This is where the game playing comes in. Maybe you are the one that pretends to be busy so you don’t seem too available. Maybe you are too available and make yourself the one that does all the chasing. Maybe you always make the first move. Maybe you choose to date multiple people as a move to protect yourself so that you don’t have to get your emotions too involved. People play all kinds of games of all kinds of varieties.
And then comes the relationship. I know many people that hold back their true feelings because they feel like they will lose their power. People don’t show their weaknesses and vulnerabilities and are afraid to be their whole self because they think that will be too scary.
Then comes the breakup, and the period of time where you don’t speak. For the relationships that were big enough, important enough, and ended friendly enough to become friends down the line. Or perhaps you lead lives that cannot avoid each other. And this is the real power struggle. We never want to be the one to speak first, don’t show your true feelings, don’t tell the truth. Don’t be sad, move on and get over it fast and get into a happy relationship first. This declares the winner of the breakup, therefore the person with the most power.
How silly all of this is. Especially when I put it all in writing.
Somewhere in society, we have been taught that power is important and this is how you maintain power in a relationship. Apparently, distance and coolness keeps you in power.
What is so sad is to realize that the most powerful thing a person can do is act from their own power, their own truth. Do what feels right to them, and be honest to themselves. Showing vulnerability with honesty is powerful. Expressing true feelings is powerful.
It doesn’t matter what the other person thinks about you. It is what you think about yourself. I know when I am speaking from my heart I feel at rest and peaceful. Power comes from inside. Not from the validation and response of another person.
We also need to remember and accept that we cannot control how the other person will respond. No matter how calculated we are and how well practiced with our cool responses. Everyone is going to react differently, they may not play by our individual rules. So this seems even sillier to me as a reason why we should try to base our power on other people. Why should we care how we appear to another person?
It comes back to how you feel. Check within yourself, how do you feel? Do you feel powerful or weak? Act on the power. No matter what anyone else thinks, at least you felt powerful. That is all that really matters at the end of the day.