I used to be very good at it. I didn’t care about getting rejected, and I had no problem putting myself out there.
When did I become such a chicken? When did I get so tripped up over my own tongue?
It is as if I have developed the Yips. (I tried to find a clip of this from How I Met Your Mother, but there wasn’t anything other than the full episode. Basically, the womanizing character Barney gets so thrown off his game that he trips over his words and he can’t pick up women.)
I was never suave, but my past two attempts were muddled and shameful.
They always say we teach what we have to learn, so I decided to look back at what I used to do to talk to guys, and share my top tips here.
Part of what really trips me up about asking a guy out on a date is that I am naturally a little aggressive, and I do want to respect that a guy should be the pursuer. I don’t want a guy that will wait for me to do everything, I do want to be pursued. That being said, I think that there are times when I need to express what I want, and help the process on a little bit.
The other thing that trips me up troubles both sexes no matter who you are asking out- the fear of rejection. This part never used to bother me. I used to tell myself that at least the person would be flattered for me expressing interest, and I would know a definite answer instead of wondering What if?
But lately I’ve been a chicken or totally inarticulate and awkward. I lost my mojo!
Time it get it back:
- Smile. Everyone is attracted to a smile, no matter what. it makes the other person feel at ease, and I bet they return the smile. Which will make you feel better and more relaxed.
- Be yourself. I know everyone says this for every situation. But it’s true. If you’re not a person that can make witty or funny comments, or you find it hard to give a genuine compliment without sounding like you want something, then I am not going to advise you to do it. Be who you are. That’s who you want them to be attracted to anyway.
- Relax. Do a little deep breathing and stay calm. There is nothing that you need to stress about. Besides, now is not the time to do shallow breathing and go into Fight or Flight mode. Neither of those two would go over well in this scenario.
- Be direct. Men respond to directness, so don’t beat around the bush. Get straight to the point and ask for what you want. Do you want to get to know him better? Do you want to meet in a dark bar For drinks? Do you want to go out and have fun doing something like a hike or bowling? Just say it, you’ll get more respect.
- Be quiet. After you have expressed what you want, be quiet and wait for a response. The fewer words the better, you don’t want to keep babbling out of nervousness, and then he never has an opportunity to answer you.
- If the outcome is less than what you expected, shrug it off. It wasn’t meant to be, no need to longer over it. Chalk it up as you doing something bold and sassy and that is always a success. Go celebrate that.
- if he agrees, get his number and organize the details. Save your happy dance for when you’re alone.
Fellas, what did I miss? what should girls do to ask you out? Do you like it when a girl makes the first move, or is it a turnoff?
And gals, what tips do you have? Or motivating and inspiring words to help me get over my Yips and ask out my crush?