I think one of the most exciting thing about being single is that anything can happen. I made some new friends (Hi Katie, hi Karen!) this week and they are both married and have been with their husbands for a while. Both love their husbands dearly, but it’s the same guy all the time. They said they both like to live vicariously through their single friends.
Well, I ought to hold up my end of the bargain and give you some of the ins of what I’ve got going on!
In my experience there is a distinction between needing a relationship and wanting one. Needing implies that you are not whole without a relationship, that you need that other person to “complete” you. I’m sorry Jerry Maguire, but nobody completes anyone. You have to be whole as yourself in order for there to be a healthy relationship.
So what is the difference of wanting a relationship? Why is that ok? I think that it is perfectly natural for a person to want to be in a relationship. Having a companion can be fun and fulfilling.
A whole person (or donut) can recognize his or herself as whole and still want to be coupled up. There is nothing weak about that. A person standing fully on their own two feet and being with someone that is also standing on their own two feet.
I am a long time sufferer of codependency. It takes a lot of work for me to develop a strong sense of self so that I do not lose that in a relationship. And I mentally know the difference between expecting a person to complete me and standing on my own two feet, but practicing that is much different.
It’s so easy to talk the talk, and I can spout all the different ways to be an independent woman. Walking that talk is a harder task.
What about you? What do you do to keep yourself standing on your two feet, and not lean on someone else?