I read something interesting on Twitter and I have been turning it over in my head. The tweet said that getting dumped can trigger “frustration attraction” and this causes us to like the person that dumped us even more. Or at least it causes us to pine over them longer than they pine for the person they dumped.
i found this really interesting, because it seemed to apply directly to how I feel after being dumped. How great it would be to have an actual scientific explanation for my feelings.
I had a hard time finding much scientific evidence of this, but the one that I found is almost enough for me. Dr. Helen Fisher is the expert of love and chemistry. She wrote Why We Love and Why Him? Why Her? and she has made her career trying to understand this complicated thing called love.
I LOVED Why Him? Why Her? and her first book is hard to get my hands on at my library, but I find her research to be fascinating and spot on with my own personal experience. Her TED talk is also really illuminating.
Dr. Fisher’s research found that when human beings are rejected we want what rejects us. This sheds some light on why playing hard to get works, why men like women that are bitches, and why we might get hung up on our ex.
Love is literally a drug, and it behaves the same way chemically in our brains. We can get addicted and we can go through withdrawal. We Will actually desire what we can’t have, it’s not just in our imagination.
And every time I say “we” or “our” you know I really mean I, me, my… It’s really my own struggle that I’m writing about. But at least science says we’re all in the same boat.
This really does make me feel better! All this time I have been feeling extra awful because it seems like I always have a hard time getting over the guy, while he moves on to the next great thing so quickly! Ah-ha! It is all just science!
Maybe this is why some people try to be the one that does the dumping, instead of being dumped. It not only saves face and makes you look better, but then you wind up having someone pinin glover you while you skip merrily away!
I like logic, I like being able to find reason in science. I think the body and the mind are strange enigmas that we are constantly uncovering new information. This information arms us with new tools and understanding that can make our relationships better. And our breakups. I find it fascinating that there is always more to learn!