Well, it wasn’t my home on this particular occasion. I was pet sitting- me, 2 labs, and 2 cats. So I didn’t really have a choice of whether or not to go out, so I made the most of my Saturday night at home.
A Rockin’ Saturday Night
I put on my sweatpants and a cozy fleece. I ordered a pizza and made some hot cocoa. And I cozied up with the animals and cable TV.
After flipping around I stumbled upon Iyanla Fix My Life, which I have seen recommended on The Daily Love before. So I figured I’d watch a bit to see what it was all about.
I happened to tune in just in time for the episode titled “Fix My Love Life.” Oy. How appropriate.
What I loved about Iyanla was that she was also single, she was one of us fighting the good fight against out own demons. It was the same path, the same journey that we are all going through. She said everything with sass, honesty and genuine love for others.
It was so…refreshing. And comforting!
It wasn’t just dealing with surface issues either. She didn’t just say “love yourself first” and then leave it at that, as if that was supposed to be enough to enlighten ourself. “OH! Is that what I ‘ve been doing wrong all this time? Well, then let me just fix that!” As if it was as easy as replacing a burnt out lightbulb.
No, Iyanla dug deeper. What’s holding you back? What are you afraid of revealing?
Learning? On A Saturday?
She had some great one-liners that really made me think. You can see the top ten here on her site.
Some of them really rung true for me. “The deeper you fall in love the more unloving you will behave.” Yup. And the right guy won’t be scared off by the surface behavior. He will see the potential underneath. And she told everyone that you’ve already been rejected, you’ve already been hurt, you’ve already been broken and you’re ok. Nothing to be afraid of.
I encourage you to flip through the 10 slides. Which one jumps out at you and what reaction do you have? Which one makes you reflect?
3 Mistakes Single Women Make
I also loved her 3 Mistakes Single Women Make. Yes she tells us to love ourself first, but that is because we attract who we really are and we teach people how to treat us. If we don’t love ourself, why should we expect anyone else to know how to love us and treat us well?
Wow, that sounds so much simpler than it really is. But, gosh. Is it ever true.
I almost feel like it deserves a “Hallelujah!” afterwards.
Mistake number two was blocking intimacy and I know that I am guilty of this. I throw up all kinds of walls that I won’t let a person really know who I am. I hold back true feelings and I hide my insecurities. I don’t let the other person see inside me. I do want people to think I am perfect, that I have my shit together. “Look at the shiny facade I created! It’s so pretty and put together!”
Sometimes I push them away by revealing too much too soon- the overload can scare anyone off! I will pull out all kinds of crazy tricks to keep anyone from getting too close and seeing the real, imperfect me.
Mistake number three was doubting that you can have the love you desire. Wooooo, boy, this shows up in a million different ways. It shows up when I protest “I don’t need a man!” Because I know I don’t need it, but I do want a relationship. I protest that I don’t need it because I am truly afraid I am not worthy of getting someone good enough, and I don’t want to be with someone that is just meh for me.
I might protest “the good ones are taken,” “there are no good single men anymore,” or insist that I am happy as I am. But, deep down, am I really happy? I accept that I am single right now, and I do love that. I love my freedom. But I do want a relationship, I want a partner to share my life with.
Making Yourself Happy
But I have to remember that no one has the power to make me happy. I have the power to make me happy.
I like hearing relationship advice, and I do like hearing about the mistakes that women make because I believe we all have many of the same problems. I think it is something that unites us. And for that reason, I think we can learn a lot from each other.
It gives an opportunity to love each other a little more, because you can see you reflect in the eyes of another person. And sometimes all that other person needs is some love. Because isn’t that what we all really need?
So that was my Saturday night. It wasn’t glamorous or wild. It was completely cliche- surrounded by pets, with the cable tv and some junk food. But having these real moments that touched me and inspired me to try to be more open and to be more vulnerable was probably one of the most worthwhile Saturday nights I have had…well, that I have ever had.
How was your weekend? Any highlights?