Break ups really mess with my head. Like it royally screws shit up. My brain goes wild. I thought things were bad up there during the relationship — I have a lot of insecurities that come raging to the surface of my consciousness — but after the breakup things can get way worse.
That itty bitty snotty committee in my head will go on a rampage. “I wasn’t good enough. I treated him badly. I messed up. I should have done everything differently. I suck, generally and all the time, I deserved to be left alone.”
Ouch, I can be really mean to myself.
It’s easy for me to slip into self flagellation and try to find everything I’ve done wrong so I can “be better next time.” Someone pointed out to me once that it’s not all my fault.
Oh. It’s not?
I think I jump to this conclusion because I usually think I’m pretty happy in the relationship, I focus on all the good stuff and I am willing to work through the rough stuff. That’s what a relationship is about, right? So I logically assume that I get dumped because it’s something that is lacking in me.
Apparently, that’s not necessarily true! Who knew?
So this time around, I launched into some immediate self-care. In addition to my mantras and gratitude project, I decided to turn it up a notch after a few weeks of feelings crummy and low. I had previously bought and practiced Gabrielle Bernstein’s May Cause Miracles and I was really happy with the process last time. I decided it would be a good time to practice it again.
Gabby feels like the older sister I never had. She has seen the worst of it all and is reporting back from the other side. She is showing a kinder, more loving way to go about daily life. Her book provides a daily practice and a weekly focus. She gives a morning meditation, a mantra, and an evening practice, which can range from journaling to meditation.
When I first heard that she was launching this book, I avoided it for a long time. I will following you down the path of the woo-woo practices, but do I really want to meditate for 40 days? I don’t have that kind of time to commit to that! I decided to just jump in and do what I could, and i took the same approach this time. I knew I would be tired in the evenings but I decided to at least do the morning stuff every day.
I’m glad I did, it always gave me something to think about. If I felt my thoughts drifting to beating myself up I would remember my “Miracle Moment” and bring my thoughts back to something more kind like forgiveness, acceptance or gratitude.
Maybe now would be a good time to explain what Gabby means by miracles. I’m not expecting to walk on water or turn water into wine (oh that would be so nice!). A miracle, as defined by A Course in Miracles which is the basis for Gabby’s teachings, is a shift in thinking. That simple. And if you think about it, it really is a miracle.
Changing the way you think about something really does have a lot of influence on how you show up in the world and how you respond to your day.
Some of the weeks were general and focused inward, some were focused on money or relationships. Even if the day didn’t match up entirely with what I was doing, I stuck to it anyway. It all works together, anyway.
I think it helped me to keep a loving perspective on the whole thing. The other crazy practices I had tried were one off things, it was something that I did for just maybe an hour on one day a week, maybe. Or the detox which last just for one week. This was something that stayed with. Me all day every day for 40 days. I think I really needed that.
As a bonus, Gabby sends you access to some video lectures she has. Those were also incredibly helpful! And it reminded me that there are lots of resources and videos of hers on YouTube and on her site. So I went back and watched her video training that went with the launch of her meditation album called Medidating. That video… I watched it three times in a row. There is gold in there.
The point of all of this is that I came to terms with me. I have everything I need already inside of me, I’m not missing something or lacking or not good enough. I am enough.
Some days I just said that over and over: I am enough.
I’m not a bad person. I just sometimes block my own way and focus on the problems. Instead I need to just remember how good I am, and bring that to the surface more. I don’t have to be “fixed” because I am already whole.
Maybe this sounds too far out there for you. Or maybe it all sounds really obvious! I think it just takes me a while to come to grasp with it all. I have a tendency to want to be perfect, I want the straight A’s! And if I don’t have an A then there must be something wrong and I must figure out how to fix it.
It’s not like that in life, I guess! We are who we are and we have to love that about ourselves.
So I’m a work in progress, I’m trying to practice all this and be gentle with myself.
And Gabby’s rating? I give it 4 hearts. You do need to make the commitment to it, but when I did I really enjoyed having a kind voice to guide me through the process. I am also a big fan of her other work, so it did seem a tad repetitive but I still got a great experience from the practical day to day assignments.
Other Posts in this Series: