I’ve written in previous articles that I have a tendency to deny the truth of a situation. I hold on to only the good stuff, and I don’t really accept that it’s over. I expect that the relationship will come back. I don’t see the honest truth of the faults that were there.
I didn’t want to do that with my most recent breakup. I don’t want to make him a monster either. I cared deeply for this person, he’s not a demon. And he came to me with the truth of how he was feeling, and he couldn’t do the relationship anymore. He was being honest, I can’t fault him for that. I respect him for that.
After the end of the relationship I decided to borrow a mantra that I had heard somewhere, perhaps the daily love because I pick up a lot of great mantras there. I told myself “I accept this. I forgive this. I release this.”
“This” may change, I may fill in something different. I might say “the breakup” or “this pain” or I might say the guy’s name.
What We Resist Persists
What it does is it affirms the reality, instead of resisting it. I’ve been told that what we resist persists. I resist accepting the truth, so I get stuck in old ways. If I can accept the truth, then it goes away.
If you allow yourself to actually feel the emotion that is coming up, it will only last for a minute or two. I heard this tip from Josh Pais. And it’s true. If you resist pain, you keep feeling it. But if you just let the pain wash over you, you will feel it, it may be uncomfortable for a minute or two, and then it will pass on to the next emotion.
Throw Down the F Word
Forgiveness is the name of the game.
So I have accepted my pain. The next step is to forgive it. Forgiveness is nothing more than going back to the way things were before you were hurt. I can forgive myself, I can forgive the person that hurt me. Bot are vital, both are important.
I know it sounds weird to forgive the guy that broke your heart. You want to say screw you, and stay angry. It’s his fault, right? But it’s bigger than that.
The key with forgiveness is that you are releasing your own attachment to the problem. If you do not forgive the only person hurting is you. The other person probably doesn’t care whether or not they have your forgiveness. They’re doing their own thing. You are the only one affected by a lack of forgiveness.
LET. IT. GO.
And then, most importantly, I release it. You must let it go, you must drop it. There is no need to hold on to it, it’s toxic, it’s over, it’s the past. Let it go.
Sooooo much easier said than done! Sometimes I will literally visualize opening my hands out of a death-grip clenching fist. Sometimes I visualize sand slipping through my fingers. Sometimes I see a butterfly flying away.
I think at some point I saw that cheesy quote about letting something go and if it comes back it was always yours. And on the poster for the quote was a picture of a butterfly.
Cheesy but appropriate. If you hold a butterfly too tightly, you will crush it. You must let it go.
I have a tendency to hold on. And for no good reason. Out of a vain hope that it’s not really over. I have to actively practice letting go.
I Am Grateful
One tool that helps me let go is to practice gratitude. It sounds really strange to be thankful for the person that broke your heart. But I practice being thankful anyway.
In the law of attraction, we attract what we put out into the universe. In case there really is something to this law, I’d rather get back loving energy than hateful energy. Besides gratitude makes me feel lighter, instead of angry and dark.
Gratitude sends a powerful message out to the universe. It says you are happy with what you have and in return the universe will send you more of it. Gratitude is a way of expressing love and will help bring more love to you. If you remain angry and bitter, you will only get angry and bitter. If you are unhappy with what you have, why should the universe send you anything better? You’re not grateful for what you have.
It’s like when you were young and your parents let you drive their car. If your parents were anything like mine, they were really happy when you took out your own trash from the car and were over the moon if you filled the gas tank. When I proved I could handle the responsibility of taking care of no car, my mom was much more open to me having my own car. The universe is a lot like my mom. Treat her well, be grateful for what you have and you will be given more. If you are a brat and complain all the time, you won’t be given much at all and your life will feel like teenage hell. You can go pout and whine no one understands meeeeee” in your room.
So, yes, I said I was grateful for having my heart broken. I was grateful for this man and for his honest words. Sometimes I said it out loud. Sometimes I felt ridiculous, and it made me laugh, so it served a different kind of purpose. Sometimes I actually believed it, and saying I was grateful made me stop crying and feel better.
The mind is an odd thing. But so is love. I can’t say that I completely understand how it works, or why it does what it does. But I do know what feels good. Putting out good energy felt a hell of a lot better than moping sadly for a very long time.
On my rating system of effectiveness, I would give this 5 starts out of 5. This is probably one of the most useful tactics I have ever tried.
See more of the series: Series of Crazy Stuff
The Law of Attraction Made Simple by Jonathan Manske