I Need Your Opinion!

Dear Blog Readers,

I need your help and your opinion. What are your thoughts about being friends after a breakup?

I think it is important to hear different opinions and stories about people that have tried to make this work. Has it worked? Did it turn into backsliding? Is it awkward?

Yes, I’m thinking about being friends with my recent ex.

I’ve made it work in the past for some. Actually, I am really only friends with one of my exes. And it was my college sweetheart and he left the country for a while, we’ve both dated other people, there has been a lot of water under the bridge.

I have one ex that we just sleep together when we see each other, and that’s just part of the relationship now. It’s a mutual established respect that we have for each other that allows this to continue in a way that keeps us both ok in the arrangement.

Oh, I consider the sailor a friend. But we only briefly dated and he lives in California so it’s ok.

So my most recent ex and I had the most civil, mature, and caring breakup that I have ever had. We talked and listened to each other. We allowed each other to ask questions. He asked me what I needed, and I asked him in return. He asked to be my friend, when I was ready.

The ball is in my court. I have the power to decide.

I miss his friendship. We were great for each other. I felt creatively inspired because of him, he is what really lit my passion for writing into a roaring fire. He got me in a way that few people did. I understood his passion, his jokes, the dark parts of who he is.

Sure the sex was great, the romantic aspects of the relationship were stellar. But I don’t want a relationship right now.

I am so happy being single right now. I realize my posts may not always seem that way, but I hope you understand that writing is where I vent emotions. It’s only a slice of the whole pie.

I realize a big part of this is keeping my ego in check. That voice inside me that wants to try to control the situation. That is trying to manipulate it and say “look at how great he is, be his friend so that maybe he will date you again in the future!”

I’ve done enough reading to know that voice isn’t truth. It’s just my manipulative ego trying to control what happens. I know I can’t control it. I know that something better is coming along. I don’t know what, but in the meantime, I remind myself to let it go and I listen to one of my favorite Tristan Prettyman songs again:

 

So all this to ask you- what are your thoughts on friendship after dating? Is it possible, or does it just not work?

Is When Harry Met Sally right?

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15 thoughts on “I Need Your Opinion!

  1. i think for you guys to end up being good friends after dating, you need some time apart to first get over each other completely. Otherwise if you immediately transition from lovers to friends, there are going to be complications in the future in that you are not totally over one another and then here you are trying to just be friends. Definately you will have lots of meaningless sex and jealousy bouts then you might end up having a worse final fall out. It happened to me once so i know what i’m talking about. Take as long as you can to first get over him before you can entertain friendship.

  2. It really depends on the person. I am still friends with one of my ex-boyfriends but that tends to complicate new relationships. In fact, we are better friends than we were together. Some relationships, when it ends – it ends and it is just better to walk away even from being friends.

  3. I think it’s possible, although for me it always took a bit of time to ‘cool off’ first.. so there would be a period of time after the break up where we don’t speak to each other, and eventually we start talking again and everything’s fine. I haven’t had an ex who I’d really call my “friend” though, because obviously I won’t be able to talk to him about everything i.e. my love life for instance.. so in a way it’s more we’re being ‘friendly’ rather than being friends.

  4. Oh, I would add that, if he’s still into you, then it’s good to have some space after a break up, so you give him time to move on. If you keep being in his life, he won’t be able to move on. The same applies if you’re still into him, then you need time away from him.. hope this helps 🙂

  5. Hey there, still having technical problems but made a little progress ystd. I think it’s hard to break up and be friends unless he’s a very special guy. I’ve been going through that experience for years with a guy and we are barely friends anymore. My family hates him and sometimes I do too but he’s a special kind of jerk but I depended on him too much, he denied me too much and put me down when he didn’t even know he was doing it. It’s great to see him when I haven’t seen him for a while. He intimidates me, he lives across the street. You ask, I give but like I said he’s a special kind of jerk but he’s bought his own condo straight out, has furnished it nicely (with some help) has a girlfriend whose just a friend. It has gotten dramatic before but no more. We’re fine unless I ask for some kind of help like money is a sore spot with him. Oh well, more optimistic tomorrow i guess. Keep writing is all I know.

  6. Pingback: Reflections and Lessons Learned About Being Friends With An Ex | Single Gal Starting Over

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