Dear Blog Readers,
I need your help and your opinion. What are your thoughts about being friends after a breakup?
I think it is important to hear different opinions and stories about people that have tried to make this work. Has it worked? Did it turn into backsliding? Is it awkward?
Yes, I’m thinking about being friends with my recent ex.
I’ve made it work in the past for some. Actually, I am really only friends with one of my exes. And it was my college sweetheart and he left the country for a while, we’ve both dated other people, there has been a lot of water under the bridge.
I have one ex that we just sleep together when we see each other, and that’s just part of the relationship now. It’s a mutual established respect that we have for each other that allows this to continue in a way that keeps us both ok in the arrangement.
Oh, I consider the sailor a friend. But we only briefly dated and he lives in California so it’s ok.
So my most recent ex and I had the most civil, mature, and caring breakup that I have ever had. We talked and listened to each other. We allowed each other to ask questions. He asked me what I needed, and I asked him in return. He asked to be my friend, when I was ready.
The ball is in my court. I have the power to decide.
I miss his friendship. We were great for each other. I felt creatively inspired because of him, he is what really lit my passion for writing into a roaring fire. He got me in a way that few people did. I understood his passion, his jokes, the dark parts of who he is.
Sure the sex was great, the romantic aspects of the relationship were stellar. But I don’t want a relationship right now.
I am so happy being single right now. I realize my posts may not always seem that way, but I hope you understand that writing is where I vent emotions. It’s only a slice of the whole pie.
I realize a big part of this is keeping my ego in check. That voice inside me that wants to try to control the situation. That is trying to manipulate it and say “look at how great he is, be his friend so that maybe he will date you again in the future!”
I’ve done enough reading to know that voice isn’t truth. It’s just my manipulative ego trying to control what happens. I know I can’t control it. I know that something better is coming along. I don’t know what, but in the meantime, I remind myself to let it go and I listen to one of my favorite Tristan Prettyman songs again:
So all this to ask you- what are your thoughts on friendship after dating? Is it possible, or does it just not work?
Is When Harry Met Sally right?