A Punch in the Gut. Thanks, Facebook.

I guess old habits die hard, because despite my best efforts to be all sassy and “screw this dude for walking away” I still have these emotional set backs.

How do you help yourself back to feeling awesome when you feel like you’ve been punched in the gut because of an interaction with The Ex? Or in my case, it didn’t take much, just seeing his name in my Facebook newsfeed. I’m a little disgusted with myself for even saying that. I’m not really the Facebook type, and the words “seeing his name in my Facebook newsfeed” never comes out of my mouth.


I thought I was long over it. I knew that the theater company that I work for was going to be hiring him for a week long tour (and I knew they were purposefully not offering me a job on the tour because of it). I knew this so it shouldn’t be a surprise to see his name “liking” the company’s announcement of the tour. But there was his name. On my feed. And my stomach bunched up into a big knot, solid like a rock. I lost my breath for a minute, lost my focus and it all flooded back.

That sucked.

I know the science behind why this happens. Usually science-y facts comfort me. Oxytocin the chemical that gets released after sex, this is what bonds a mother to her baby. Its the bonding chemical and makes a  woman feel closer to the person they are with. Strangely, science also shows that oxytocin can actually be like a repellant to men, it doesn’t have the same effect after sex for men as it does for women. And oxytocin can bond the woman to her sex partner for life. I’m not being dramatic or hyperbolic, it’s science. So even if the woman does not have an orgasm, even if it’s short and terrible sex and a one night stand, science can bond you to that person forever.

So other than cursing oxytocin for its after-effect, what is left for me to do when I am feeling low? What can I do to pick myself up? I actually wrote this post last night and I made a list of things that I usually do in hopes that I could connect to something that would cheer me up. Here is what I came up with:

dance it out

– Play my empowerment playlist on itunes and dance around. (I plan to post some of these tunes soon)

– Go work out. Yes it brings on endorphins, even if I just go for a short walk. This isn’t news. What I do like about working out is that I feel like I’m getting stronger, and then if I ran into him in an alley I could beat him up. I particularly enjoy my Muay Thai class for this reason.

– Phone a friend. This one is like a 50/50 shot for me. Sometimes it works to take my mind off the problem and sometimes it makes me feel better, but sometimes it makes me feel worse. Most of my friends have married the one man that they dated since high school/college/for 8 years so it’s hard for them to relate to what I go through.

– Dream- I disappear on Pinterest or a design site to inspire me on what I want to do with my new undecorated apartment. Decorating is a new interest of mine, and I am a tad addicted to Pinterest right now. Wow, if you need to kill time I can lose an hour like none other on this site!

– Write- it lets me get all my frustrations out. I keep a private google doc that is unfiltered thoughts. Wherever I am, I just type.

– Cook or clean. These domestic activities give me a sense of pride and accomplishment when I’m done. I don’t even care what the result is, it still boosts my mood to do either.

But if I am being honest, nothing connected and nothing felt right. As I was working on assembling my Be Awesome as A Single Gal playlist and instead of listening to empowering music my eyes fell on Damien Rice’s O albumPunchin. And I turned that on, and I sat still. I cried quietly, and just let the emotion flow through me. The emotion was overwhelming, but I let it run its course.
And this morning I felt awesome again. So maybe that’s it. Maybe there are times when you just have to feel the emotion and let it pass.
But I still want to know- what do you do to cheer yourself up? Please tell me that eventually the gut wrenching feeling goes away naturally on its on! And, fellas, do you get this feeling too, or is it only women?

4 thoughts on “A Punch in the Gut. Thanks, Facebook.

  1. You know, I usually just need to scream into a pillow. Most times I’m screaming all the things that I want to say to his face. I know that sounds a little crazy but it acts as a way to get everything that I need to say out. Even if he doesn’t hear it, it makes me feel better.

    Then I just take a walk, listen to some crazy tunes, and realize that my life is better without him.

    I hope you get past this guy.

  2. Good for you! I make a gratitude list. Sometimes I call or text someone on the list to tell them that seeing them the other day made my day. Sometimes I go to target and buy one of my favorite movies and distract myself in that. Or get a mani or pedi. Or organize/sort my bathroom cabinet or closet or dresser. Take one day at a time and you will get to a happy place, I just know it!

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