Why I Chose to Be Sober After my Breakup

I didn’t choose to be sober, actually. It kinda just happened at first. Save for the one night of wine and pizza with a very good friend, I just wasn’t drinking in the evenings. I was too tired when I got home from play rehearsal to stay up long enough to finish a glass of wine. I was too broke to choose to spend money on drinks out at the bar. So being sober kinda stumbled upon me.

But once I realized I wasn’t drinking, I didn’t feel compelled to start. I felt good most of the time. I was processing things and feeling things, and letting it all wash over me and through me. I wasn’t denying anything, I was accepting the reality and not glossing over it.

When I thought back to previous breakups where I spent evenings drinking with girlfriends and drinking alone. I would have a glass of wine a day, which isn’t really qualifying me to a status that people would worry. But a glass of wine a day is enough to start to feel numb. And you could look forward to that numbness. Or, if you knew you needed a good cry, you could pour a slightly bigger glass of wine and watch Love Actually and have a damn good cry. And I felt like those breakups took forever to get through. I dwelled and fixated, and denied the reality of it all. And I used wine to loosen up enough so I could jump back into dating before I was really ready.

Girl friends and not so great beer, what could go wrong?

Girl friends and not so great beer, what could go wrong?

This time, none of that. No nonsense. And I found that when I let myself just feel the feelings, it didn’t last that long. It was bearable. Sure the pain was excruciating for a short while, but then I got to the other side. And it was clear. Like, sun rising across a field of wild, tall grass kind of clear.

I drank tea in the evenings, and coffee all day long. And a lot of water, because I hear that’s really good for you. And I recently started drinking again. I didn’t stay away for long, it wasn’t really my intention to never drink again. And I’m not going to profess amazing changes in the way I notice what alcohol does to my mind and body (except I noticed I actually do have a harder time waking up after having even just one glass of wine).

Two thumbs of for water, and lots of it.

Two thumbs up for water, lots of it.

And it’s funny, because now I am remembering that part of why I got dumped was he wanted to figure things out, one of which was why he was drinking so much again. I hope he figured that out. I genuinely mean that.

I’m not saying I recommend this for everyone as a blanketed cure all for breakups. But for me it was good, it was necessary,  it was exactly what I needed. I can talk through things with a clear head and you know what I am NOT doing this time around? I’m not ruminating and whining. And thank god, because I am no fun to be around when I have something stuck on my mind, especially something that makes me weepy and whiny.

Now that I am past that part of the healing process- no whining, no crying- I can have two glasses of wine and keep my wits about me. I can enjoy happy hour with fresh squeezed orange crushes and not mope! So, I’m heading out to the bar for happy hour tomorrow- who’s buying?



5 thoughts on “Why I Chose to Be Sober After my Breakup

  1. Drinking was my number one coping mechanism for the first month after my breakup…I mean in a bad way. On the weekends I would drink from day time until i passed out after midnight. I was a mess and while it was a short term answer for the first few hours eventually it would lead me into a sad state where I would inevitably text my ex and make things worse. The next day, I felt like shit and had to apologize for being a needy little bitch. I recently got to the phase where I’m starting to see that without the drinking yeah time goes slower but I feel better the next day and am less likely to text her. Alcohol can really fuck with you when youre in a fragile state. Thanks for your experience:)

  2. why they call it liquid courage I will never understand. It feels like liquid stupid as I found myself drunk texting/skyping messages. I even tried some of the aps to stop my from doing it and I worked around it. LOL Sobriety is the best tool until you are past it enough to drink safely.

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