Every single resource you ever look at about getting over a break up says no communication- ever. None. Nada. Zilch. Cut it off.
And I usually completely agree with this. It feels really hard but I know it is for the best. I usually follow it to the letter. Until I feel like I am 110% over it and can handle a friendship. And my test for that is whether or not I feel like lunging for every single cupcake shop and the doors of Taharka Bros ice cream shop if he is dating someone new. (What can I say, I’m a stress eater.)
This time I didn’t fully listen. I restrained myself more often than not. But I returned CDs that belonged to him and sent him a DVD that I had in my collection that I didn’t want anymore. (don’t worry, it wasn’t really a re-gift, we had talked about it before the breakup. But, it also felt like a nice “screw you” because it was actually a leftover item from a different ex… so point for me? Maybe? Ok fine, my point cancel out the loss of a point for sending him anything at all) He also had my CDs from a college buddy’s band- irreplaceable and I wanted them back. So I mailed his CDs with a note asking for mine. A month later, a package was left with my landlady. No stamp, it was dropped off. And not to my door, to hers.
I was hurt. Really hurt. And to add insult to injury he gave back the mix cds I made for a road trip we took. I told him he could keep them when we broke up. That hurt, a lot.
So I broke the rule. I really shouldn’t have because when you’re hurt it the worst time to communicate with an ex. So I sent an email and included a line intended to cut a little bit, maybe to even the score. I wrote “Thank’s for dropping them off. Sorry I wasn’t here when you dropped them off, I was gone all weekend.” Yes, low blow because I was really hoping his imagination would run wild. Truth? I was housesitting.
And the reason I feel worse is that he didn’t respond. So he is either the bigger person by staying quiet when he’s hurt, or he really doesn’t care. So, there.
I’m not quite ready to hear he has a new girlfriend (whether it’s true or not). I’m getting closer to that point, and I have made a lot of progress to get over the relationship and the residual feelings. But obviously, I’m not ready to be friends if I’m still reaching for the low blow.
Two steps forward, one step back.
When have you said something to an ex that you wish you could take back? How do you know when you are over the relationship?